No Whining Wednesday – Stop Overthinking

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain or criticize for this entire 24hr day. If you are new to this blog or new to this segment, be sure to see the original post HERE for more on what this is all about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

I am sitting here drinking my coffee and reflecting and one thing comes to mind today: “EC, stop overthinking!”

I hope you know by now that the inspiration for these NWW messages come from what I tell myself or what I’ve learned on a very personal level at some time or another. That said, I overthink a lot which leads to anxiety, fear, and a host of other things that sneak in through this “overthinking doorway”. It gets to where I have to step away from social media completely if I am overstimulated. (I am probably the only person who deactivates their Facebook like every two weeks…don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. Speaking of which, it’s about that time lol.)

I say all of this to say that I understand the harm that overthinking can do to a person mind, to their health and to their ability to enjoy the moment. You’re always thinking about what could go wrong or if you’ve done something wrong instead of what could go right and if you’ve done something right. Like the quote says, when we overthink we are creating problems that aren’t there. This is torture of our minds and personal well-being. We are already under attack by others (either people are rooting for you or casting spells, better believe it), there’s absolutely no reason to add to this by doing this to ourselves.

Here are some harmful results of overthinking and I must add, not overthinking is harder than it sounds so don’t beat yourself up about it. Reclaiming that peace takes practice and time like everything else:

Limits you – Instead of taking action you are sitting there thinking about it and creating limitations that weren’t there before and will probably never exist.

Complicates things – Simple things now seem complicated. This is not just in relation to our personal lives but I notice we do this in Indie Publishing too. Sooo much is over-complicated. Honestly, it’s not that hard. I wish we could focus on encouraging each other to learn the basics and building on that instead of creating these long lists of things that will come naturally over-time if we just wait.

Depression – Overthinking leads to depression. Really bad depression.

Lack of Confidence – Over-thinkers expect bad things to happen instead of expecting good things to happen. This causes you to lack confidence in your abilities.

Fear – As a result, you are in a constant state of fear (anxiety is no laughing matter and it is, at its root, caused by fear)

Depletes Your Energy – You literally tire yourself out from thinking too much. The energy you could have used to be productive is now gone.

I hope this small list helps you to not think so much and sometimes you do have to take physical action. For instance, I turned my phone off until I finished this post. Stepping away from social media is also a great help for me. Whenever I feel that I am overdoing it I step back and it gives me peace. I’m an introvert at heart so I can only take so much.

That’s it folks. Don’t overthink it today.

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No Whining Wednesday – Expect What You Cannot See

It’s been a minute since we’ve had a No Whining Wednesday, where we do not complain, whine or criticize for a 24 hour period.

If this is your first NWW be sure to CLICK HERE to learn more about this segment. For the rest of you, welcome back!

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

We hold onto hope with shaking hands and weak hearts. It is something we fall back on in times of desperation and fear. We cry out loud for it, searching for solutions to our problems when there’s nothing left to do but wait. When things are out of our hands and we are no longer in control then, and only then, do we hope because there’s nothing left to do.

It is time for an upgrade.

Expect What You Cannot See

Hope by definition is the substance of what is expected, the proof of what we cannot see. To strengthen expectation is to begin to expect things to happen that is not yet foreseeable. To build in hope is to start to look at life, not through the lens of what is not here, but what is yet to come.

It may seem impossible that you will be relieved of Child Support or that you will get out of prison in time to see your children grow up, that you will find the love of your life or that you will be healed from that disease. It may seem impossible that you can love again after being broken or recover from a traumatic experience. It’s difficult to look at these kinds of situations, many of which we have no control, and expect things to turn out OK. It’s difficult because everything physical says that it will not. Your appeal was denied, your Child Support Payments increased, the doctor says there is no cure and your emotions won’t simmer from heartache.

All the assistance, research, history, and the data is working against you.

But, then, there is hope…

When you can expect things to turn out differently despite all the physical proof that it won’t, this is hope.

When you start to expect what you cannot see. This is hope.

Hope is expecting something to happen that you cannot see is possible but you still expect it. It is, as the saying goes, taking the first step even though you cannot see the whole staircase. You know it leads to a place. You can’t see where it is or what’s up there but you know something’s there. It is when you are willing to be uncomfortable for a time because you expect that things will (despite the “evidence” that it won’t) get better.

To upgrade the hope in your life, you must begin to expect what you cannot see.

When you change your perspective, the way you see things and the way you think about them, your entire life will begin to change.

No Whining Wednesday – See the Lesson

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you have 24 hours in which not to whine, complain, or criticize. If you’re new to this blog or new to this segment, please go HERE for our first day of the segment which explains in greater detail.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s quote comes from the inspiration to this segment. If you follow that link or if you remember, I started this because of watching a speech from Iyanla Vanzant. Today’s quote is directly from her:

“No whining, no complaining about anyone. Everybody in your life has come to teach you lessons.”

Today, to keep you from complaining, think about the lesson the situation has to teach you. I’ve already started implementing this into my life and I still complain, of course (lol), but I have noticed improvements and I can vouch that this is a practical step that does work.

If I just stop and think, what did I do wrong and what does this situation have to teach me? Then I am less likely to complain about it. You have to understand that complaining usually comes from two things: not understanding a situation and not being able to change something. Of course, it can become a lot more complex than this but this is the root of most worrying, not being able to change something out of our control or not understanding something. Today, just stop. Stop trying to change it. Just see the lesson.

No Whining Wednesday – Write It on Your Heart

Yup, it’s that time of the week again. First, if you’re new to this blog or this segment please check out the first post HERE for more information on what this is all about. In brief, this is the only day of the week where you do not get to Whine, Complain, or Criticize.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mat 6:25 “Because of this I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you shall eat or drink, or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than the food and the body more than the clothing.”

If there is something that you need, write it on your heart and when the sun peaks through the sky to indicate a new day, do something small to help manifest that dream. Challenge yourself not to do too much. It is not necessary. One small, tiny action and one single leap of faith in the right direction every single day is all that you need. A year from now you will look up and see you are a different person and far more ahead than originally anticipated.

If every day is a new day, embrace it as if it is so. Yesterday’s problems do not exist here and tomorrows problems have not come as of yet. Today is fresh and exciting and ready to be appreciated and filled.

5 Reasons We Doubt (And Why We Shouldn’t)

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  1. Belief – We have no faith. Period. We invest more in our problems than we do in possibilities. We spend more time thinking about the bad stuff before the good stuff which ultimately leads to stress. In addition, our unbelief tends to lead us to wait until we get what we want before having joy. Why do you have to wait until you get the job to appreciate the job? Why wait until you are acknowledged for a skill to nurture or appreciate the skill? We wait when we should rejoice on the way. Rejoice during the journey, not just afterward.
  1. Fear – Fear is the biggest reason for doubting because there is no fear in faith. Our fears vary. Could be the fear of rejection from others or a fear of failure. In any event, it is not something that we so easily notice or that we even care to admit to but it’s there. At the root of not doing our best is the fear of something. I remember when I was a little girl and I got into this fight. I hurt this person so badly that I didn’t want to fight anymore. I literally restrained myself from it. I didn’t take up for myself sometimes. I let people pick on me, and push me around.

My secret wasn’t that I was afraid to fight. My secret was that I was afraid of my own strength. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I was afraid that I’d do just that. Sometimes our fears are not because we know that we will fail (although that too), but that we will succeed and what that will mean for our future, for with great authority comes greater responsibility. What will it mean for us to be who we were ordained to be? For many of us, the answer’s a frightening one. But look at it this way: You cannot turn a light on and off simultaneously. You have to either have the light turned on or turned off because light and dark cannot coexist. Likewise, fear and faith cannot coexist. You will either be fearless or you’ll always be afraid. Afraid of what others will say. Afraid of what others will think, and afraid of how your light will make others feel. That’s a terrible way to live.

  1. Disagreements – Also known as criticisms, one major cause of doubts comes from disagreements among others. Who remembers the Ach Conformity Experiment? A series of studies performed in the 1950s that demonstrated the power of conformity in groups. These are also known as the “Asch Paradigm”. In one such experiment, there were five men who were to perform a very basic task: Match the line on the left with the line on the right. It was something your three-year-old can do. Four of the men were agents, people in on the program. They matched the line on the left with the incorrect line on the right. The subject knew they were all wrong but because they were the majority he chose the same wrong answer.

Even though he knew everyone’s answer was wrong, because they were all on accord and he wasn’t he doubted himself and chose the wrong answer. Remember, let no one make a prey of you through philosophy and empty deceit. But as it happens, as soon as the majority shake their heads and say to themselves, “How foolish of us”, that’s it. One minute you’re confident and hopeful and as soon as the slightest wind of a disagreement comes along we are done. Boom. Over. Joy depleted. Spirits crushed. Dreams deferred. However, remember this if you remember nothing else: Beware when all men speak well of you. Every great person who has ever stood for something was mocked, laughed at, teased, and assumed to be foolish by his or her contemporaries.

  1. No Support – Usually from feeling isolated, almost just as bad as disagreements among others is no support at all. This can leave a big gaping hole of doubt in our minds. The feeling is so great that it can lead to sadness and depression. This causes a doubt that can be very dangerous as we can miss our purpose putting off what we were built to do because a lack of support gave the perception that it was not for us at all. The truth is that it just wasn’t the right time. Why wasn’t it the right time? Well, that depends but it could be that you were not in a place to do it. Could be that you were not mature enough to carry it through. There is always a reason for why things happen in our lives and if we stop trying to change what we have no control over we won’t be as stressed. As Einstein once said, “I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself.”
  1. Mistakes – A big cause of doubt is failing. Mistakes leave huge stains on our spirit and sometimes cause us to give up altogether. It also ceases us from trying again or thinking we had it in the first place. The truth is that sometimes you have to be torn down to be built back up. Remember that it is not being knocked down that makes the difference but staying down. I believe the man who has fallen seven times and stood up eight is a greater man in the end than he who has never fallen.

Things Bloggers Need To Stop Worrying About by Elena Peters

As I am accustomed to doing, if I can’t find a re-blog button for your article and I really enjoyed it I’ll share it the old school way: Link up.

So anyway I found this article on Twitter (after promptly following Elena) and I really love what she has to say about what bloggers need to stop worrying about. To her credit I am only going to except a few key points. Please visit her blog for the entire article.

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From Elena Peters Blog

Google/Alexa Ranking
I am no expert and unless you are on this topic or you can afford to pay someone to handle website optimization, you need to stop worrying about your ranking. I am not saying that you shouldn’t use Yoast, add keywords and complete alt tags on your pics. However, I find the excessive obsession with ranking a complete waste of time. I do what I need to do when I create a post and then I step away.

EC – Psst: (This is a good point. Good thing I don’t even know what Alexa Ranking is or Yoast for that matter lol)

Number of Followers
And by this I mean on your blog and all of your social media. I know a lot of people look at my accounts and see that I don’t always follow back. That is because I refuse to get on the follow me and I will follow your back train. You must understand that on some platforms, particularly FaceBook, having a huge number of followers that never look at your page actually hurts you. I personally have seen accounts with thousands of followers and no retweets, no likes and no pins. How did their huge following help them? In reality, not at all.

Automatic follow threads and follow backs do not necessarily bring you more traffic and can be a huge waste of your limited time. If it doesn’t work for you, stop.

Reciprocation
I am here to tell you that you don’t have to read, comment, like, tweet back, pin etc. to absolutely everyone that has been nice enough to do that for you. Unless you have figured out time travel or your days have more than 24 hours, you will never be able to keep that up forever.

Conversely, you need to stop obsessing with keeping track of which bloggers you have done the above for. Be understanding. Maybe that blogger that didn’t read or comment back on your post isn’t interested in your topic or maybe they have a niche of bloggers that they are already committed to sharing with. Don’t keep a scorecard.

KEEP READING ON ELANA’S BLOG