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Unapologetically You

Rev. Fred Bennett, Mr. Isaac Farris, Sr., Mrs. Christine King Farris, Rev. Ralph D. Abernathy, Dr. Roy C. Bell, Mrs. Clarice Wyatt Bell, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Mrs. Coretta Scott King; Pascal’s Restaurant, Hunter St., Atlanta, GA. ~1962 — Photo via Dr. Clarice Bell on Flickr

I am no longer doing anything uncomfortable to make others comfortable.

Yesterday, I turned 36, and you would think this is a lesson I’ve learned by now.

But Paschal’s restaurant was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It upset me for a number of reasons.

But first, a little history.

I chose Paschal’s because I heard about their fried chicken and soul food. Google also informed me that the area has a fantastic civil rights history, having served as the main gathering spot for movement leaders, such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Andrew Young, Maynard Jackson, and others. It was founded in 1947 by two Black men, James and Robert Paschal.

I saw Dr. King’s and others’ images on the walls and was sold.

I didn’t look at any other spots after that. That was where I wanted to go. The prices were steep, but I didn’t care. I was told to pick out any place I wanted, and this is what I wanted.

Or so I thought.

The first red flag was the valet parking, which we paid for via cash app.

I frowned. Cash app?

Now I’ve used cash app for many things, but a restaurant isn’t one of them.

But I didn’t want to be difficult so I said okay.

We walked in, and I felt like I was back in High School.

Call me bougie, but I was uncomfortable.

I am all for having a good time with my people, but this looked a lot different from the layout on the website.

I expected a fine dining experience with adults and a hint of black history and soul food.

And while the historical images were there, I got a room full of black people blasting Beyonce and standing around like they were at a club.

I was disappointed in what had become of the place. Although I’ve never been, I am sure it was a lot more refined when Dr. King ate here.

You can tell just by the picture above. See how they are carrying themselves? See the arrangement of the dishes? See the dignity?

The lack of decency and respect for our ancestors enough to take care of what they left us (because I am sure the Paschal’s would expect more) saddened me.

To make a long story short, we left.

It is not that I would never eat there. There is a time to kick back in that way. It is that I expect more. I expect more from my people just like I expect more from myself.

Take care of the legacy your ancestors leave behind.

Thus, as my heart began to race and irritation blanked my face, I realized all the times I settled because I wanted others to be okay even if that meant I wasn’t. And I decided right then and there that I would no longer accept anything that made me uncomfortable just because I didn’t want to be “too much.”

I am too much.

My standards are high, and from this point forward, I will walk unapologetically in this truth.

I suppose the message here is, I hope you will too.

Be unapologetically YOU.

Multiply Your Talents (Use Your Gifts)

There are headstones

with the names of highly gifted people

who died with those gifts still inside them.

Brilliant people who passed

but never passed that intellect on

for anyone else’s benefit.

They died smart.

Highly passionate people

who never dared to love fully,

and wealthy people who are so poor,

all they have is money.

Dancing Between Two Truths

I get emotional when I remember the faces of the children I used to teach, who are now young adults. Their formerly round and babyish faces have thinned out to resemble those of young adults. They provide concrete evidence of the passage of time. My nieces, nephews, and students are now in college, studying a trade, dating, and even starting families.

It serves as a sobering and bittersweet reminder of how fleeting life is. How quickly the years fly by. I see their bodies as proof and imagine all the years tucked inside them. I cry happy and sorrowful tears as I watch them grow. I weep both for the lovely persons they are, and for the perilous and cruel world they must endure as they grow up.

I will be thirty-six next month, and after two ectopic pregnancies, a miscarriage, and the removal of my right Fallopian tube, I may not have any children of my own. I have come to both accept and mourn this. I experience thanksgiving and contentment for my life and everything I’ve accomplished, with no sense of the need for anything more. And also a sense of loss for what never was and possibly, could never be.

But then, I look out into the world, see the children wilding in downtown Chicago (I find it interesting the usage of this term by the media, “wilding.” It is the same term used against the five young black boys on this day in 1989 accused and charged with raping the white woman jogger in New York’s Central Park), and see the protests over the shooting of Ralph Yarl, who though he lives, has become yet another hashtag.

And I ask myself, which is better, giving birth to a son or watching that son heal in the hospital after being shot in the head for ringing the wrong doorbell?

Which is better, knowing what it’s like to give birth or knowing what it’s like to mourn the death of a child?

And I dance between these sentiments as I look into the faces of these little ones. I remember them as children, full of innocence, and now see them as young adults, wide-eyed and excited to live in a cruel world.

Reading is the Easiest Way to Study Writing

I can tell right away when a book is self-published by a writer who does not read (or does not do it often enough).

No shade to audiobooks, but when I say reading is how we study how to write, I mean reading physical books.

And when I say study, I mean don’t just read the book, but also:

Take notes as you read.
Highlight important facts or things that catch your attention.
Look up the definitions of words you don’t know.
Notice the structure of the paragraph, line breaks, and dialogue.

Consider picking up a copy of a physical book at least once a month and reading it through till the end. It will help you to become a better writer.

And if you don’t have time to read at least one book a month, you have no business writing books in the first place.

And don’t try and fake it because your writing will give you away!

If reading is how we study how to write, our writing also displays how much or little we read.

Author Vending: Things to Consider Part I: Audience

I’ve been vending at events since 2018 when the owner of A Cappella Books refused to stock my self-published book and instead told me to get my name out there. He explained how hard it would be for me to sell my book in-store when no one knew who I was.

I wasn’t offended but encouraged, and I have since attended many events as a vendor to put myself out there. From his advice, I have also since been stocked in four stores in the Georgia area (Marietta, Morrow, Atlanta).

There is a message in this to revisit later, but for now, let’s talk about author vending.

For independent authors, taking part in an event as a vendor can be lucrative (and I don’t just mean this financially). Utilizing the platform of another person will help you promote your books and business to a wider audience.

However, if we are not careful, it can also be an overly expensive and frustrating experience.

In this series, I share some of my experiences as an author vendor and some things to watch out for. In part one, I want to talk about the importance of the audience.

Audience

Author vending is not just about making money. It is also an opportunity to get in the room and build with others of like mind. But the ability to sell your books or services is still crucial.

You will have a harder time selling books if the event has little to nothing to do with books or your industry.

If you are vending at a conference or organization that is not conducive to people being able to walk around and network, this can also hinder you from making sales.

For example, in 2019, I attended MogulCon as a vendor. The event was nice but not a good place for author vendors. The tables were small, and the space was narrow. It was fitting for a business-type conference but not for my books, author swag, and large banner.

This was awkward. I didn’t know the set-up was going to be this way. I didn’t do my homework.

MogulCon was okay, but from an author vending perspective, it was a waste of money.

If I had known, I could have made it work by leaving the banner at home and bringing a briefcase instead.

Do Your Homework

When deciding to vend, understand what kind of event it is and the audience you will serve. Also, consider what kind of crowd you are looking at. You want to make sure there are enough people to network with and possibly make some money (or at least make your vending fee back.) And because the organization will likely not tell you your business isn’t a good fit, this is homework you will have to do yourself.

Crowd size is included in this. Does the event even have enough attendees for you to make a pitch, or is the host merely looking to maximize their profit from the few vendors they are able to bring in?

This is good practice for speaking engagements as well. Once, I was asked to speak at an event and prepared what I would say. But when I showed up, there were a lot of children. The host had not mentioned it was family-themed, and I had not intended to speak to kids. It could have been better organized, but I could have also done my homework on the host.

Events where you can engage with people are a plus!

So what kind of event is fitting for authors?

It depends on what your goal is for attending said event, but I believe that book festivals and conferences—that focus on books and literature—are the best because you won’t have to compete with the lady over there selling shea butter.

You can also target events that center around the theme of your book. Although many businesses were vending at the poetry life fest, it was appropriate for me to go because I write poetry. And to be true to my brand, I exclusively highlighted my poetry books. I only brought the books that were on topic.

Unlike MogulCon, the Poet Life Fest was best suited for my brand. My girl here is even matching the banner, ha!

Nowadays, there are a lot of requests for vendors because the income from the vending fee helps the organization pay for other expenses. When signing up, be strategic and intentional about who you work with.

It’s about being discerning and allowing that spiritual compass to lead you to the places you are ordained to be.

In part two, we’ll discuss the financial side of author vending and how to decide whether it’s worthwhile because the fees can be very expensive.

Check out more Indie Author Basics articles here.

Remember to Back Up Your Content!

I logged into my WordPress dashboard this morning, and my last 5-6 posts were gone, including paid book reviews.

Can you hear my heart breaking?

Thankfully, after about thirty minutes, they showed up!

My face after deleting my tweets cause I thought the links were dead.
Photo by MART PRODUCTION

Too bad I had already deleted the tweets to what I thought were now dead links. Way to go, Yecheilyah.

A glitch, maybe, but the scare was real!

Chile, I almost cried.

Then I put my big girl panties on and understood today’s message.

ALWAYS back up your content!

Make sure your photographs, graphics, videos, and articles are stored in a folder on your computer or on a USB drive. Before composing your posts in WordPress, it’s simpler to write them in a Word document (or whichever program you prefer) and save them to your computer.

Never depend on ONE social platform to reach your audience

I have never been a fan of putting all my eggs in one basket, and this experience reemphasized the importance. I am all for monogamy, but cheating on your other social media profiles with a backup plan is okay, lol.

It is not a smart idea to rely only on one platform, whether we’re talking about Instagram bugs or if US companies and content creators will no longer be able to use TiKTok. (Are you following the case with them? Back those videos up!)

Keep your options open and stay as informed of all the developments as you can. Even if we disagree with AI, for instance, it would be a bad idea to ignore how it is affecting the book publishing industry and how authors and publishers create and distribute their works.

Email is still useful

If these social media apps change their policies, having an email list can let you stay in touch with your customers, business partners, and author friends. Twitter and Instagram have already started using paid verified badges. Even further, Twitter claims that those who earned their blue checks will soon have to pay to keep them.

It is not farfetched to say that we might one day have to pay to use these apps. If that’s not your flavor, you will want to maintain contact with your people somehow.

Blogs are great alternatives to email lists since subscribing to someone’s blog mean you get an email for every update anyway.

If you simply use your blog, however, always refer back to point one and backup your blog content.

After all, we don’t own WordPress either.

Interested in joining my email list for updates you won’t get here or anywhere else?

Click Here!

If you only want updates on poetry contests, be sure to check poetry contest updates only when you get to the form!

Everyone Can’t Go

I am just getting around to reading Tabitha Brown’s Feeding the Soul, and it is doing just that for me this afternoon.

Lately, I have realized I don’t have much help with all I have going on. People think I have this great big team behind me. Nope. Most of the things I do, I do alone.

This is not a complaint but an assessment of the truth: I need more help but can’t afford to outsource everything.

And if I am being completely honest, I do not always know how to articulate what I need.

This realization had me feeling a bit discouraged.

Queue Tabitha, who may as well be sitting in this office with me. Let’s imagine she’s sitting in the corner chair across from my desk. She’s wearing that pretty blouse from the front cover, with the big Afro and a smile brighter than the sun. She sees my shoulders slump.

T: “Well hello there, you alright?”

E: “Yea, I’m okay,” I respond mentally.

T: “Lean in, baby. Are you leaning?”*

E: (Laughs) “Yes.”

T: “I can sense you not alright, and that’s okay cause that’s your business. But listen real quick, everyone can’t go.”

E: “Huh?”

T: “I said everyone can’t go.”

E: “Okayyy.”

T: “Once you understand that there are some things you’re going to have to do on your own, make peace with that. Don’t allow it to rip you up inside.”*

E: “Aww, thank you. I really needed to hear that!”

T: “Very good. Because if you sit around waiting on somebody to save you, help you, partner with you, walk with you, or hold your hand, you just might miss the blessing that could have only come by the changes and chances that you took while leaping into your destiny.”*

*From Feeding the Soul (Because It’s My Business): Finding Our Way to Joy, Love, and Freedom by Tabitha Brown, page 37.

I love that this advice forces us to reconsider our previous assumptions. Typically, when we hear “everybody can’t go with you,” we interpret this to mean everyone can’t level up with us.

That may be our ego talking. “Everybody can’t go where I’m going.” Just loud and wrong.

Consider a different point of view: Everybody can’t go can also mean everybody can’t go with you to experience the challenges that come with your calling. Everybody isn’t meant to endure the trials you are taking on because they have a different purpose.

Moral.

Some things are meant for you to complete on your own in order to develop and strengthen something inside of you. Your husband/wife, children, friends, or relatives are unrelated to this. Future you will need to have the strength to handle whatever it is you are intended to do. Yet in order for that to happen, you need to enhance this version of yourself for that task.

Today’s Lesson: This is your soulwork, and no one else’s. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable reality that everyone can’t go.

Now, pardon me while I get back to enjoying my rest day. Did this advice make you feel better too? Very good!

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