Everyone Can’t Go

Photo by Jose Aragones

I am just getting around to reading Tabitha Brown’s Feeding the Soul, and it is doing just that for me this afternoon.

Lately, I have realized I don’t have much help with all I have going on. People think I have this great big team behind me. Nope. Most of the things I do, I do alone.

This is not a complaint but an assessment of the truth: I need more help but can’t afford to outsource everything.

And if I am being completely honest, I do not always know how to articulate what I need.

This realization had me feeling a bit discouraged.

Queue Tabitha, who may as well be sitting in this office with me. Let’s imagine she’s sitting in the corner chair across from my desk. She’s wearing that pretty blouse from the front cover, with the big Afro and a smile brighter than the sun. She sees my shoulders slump.

T: “Well hello there, you alright?”

E: “Yea, I’m okay,” I respond mentally.

T: “Lean in, baby. Are you leaning?”*

E: (Laughs) “Yes.”

T: “I can sense you not alright, and that’s okay cause that’s your business. But listen real quick, everyone can’t go.”

E: “Huh?”

T: “I said everyone can’t go.”

E: “Okayyy.”

T: “Once you understand that there are some things you’re going to have to do on your own, make peace with that. Don’t allow it to rip you up inside.”*

E: “Aww, thank you. I really needed to hear that!”

T: “Very good. Because if you sit around waiting on somebody to save you, help you, partner with you, walk with you, or hold your hand, you just might miss the blessing that could have only come by the changes and chances that you took while leaping into your destiny.”*

*From Feeding the Soul (Because It’s My Business): Finding Our Way to Joy, Love, and Freedom by Tabitha Brown, page 37.

Photo by Victor Freitas

I love that this advice forces us to reconsider our previous assumptions. Typically, when we hear “everybody can’t go with you,” we interpret this to mean everyone can’t level up with us.

That may be our ego talking. “Everybody can’t go where I’m going.” Just loud and wrong.

Consider a different point of view: Everybody can’t go can also mean everybody can’t go with you to experience the challenges that come with your calling. Everybody isn’t meant to endure the trials you are taking on because they have a different purpose.

Moral.

Some things are meant for you to complete on your own in order to develop and strengthen something inside of you. Your husband/wife, children, friends, or relatives are unrelated to this. Future you will need to have the strength to handle whatever it is you are intended to do. Yet in order for that to happen, you need to enhance this version of yourself for that task.

Today’s Lesson: This is your soulwork, and no one else’s. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable reality that everyone can’t go. 

Now, pardon me while I get back to enjoying my rest day. Did this advice make you feel better too? Very good!

Rest Fuels Creativity

Novella Tolbert, my late Dad’s mom, aka my 100-year-old Granny!

Last week, I went home to Chicago and saw my dad’s side of the family for the first time in fifteen years. We extravagantly celebrated my grandmother’s 100th birthday in classic Tolbert fashion. I planned to bring my laptop but left it at home. Instead of squeezing in work, I played with babies and reminisced on memories.

Successful entrepreneurs travel a lot, but that travel is usually associated with the business. There is even a thing called work-cation, where you work while on vacation.

That’s all fine and dandy, but it is also not real rest.

Photo by Ihsan Adityawarman

It has been proven that taking frequent short breaks throughout the day improves productivity – but they need to be real breaks.

For example, not posting to social media while taking a social media break also includes not mindlessly scrolling or opening apps.

You must entirely disengage from whatever you are doing for a break to be truly rejuvenating.

Creative moments occur when the mind is relaxed rather than actively working since this is when the brain’s creative centers are most active.

I noticed that while in Chicago, I did not worry about my manuscript or work, even as orders poured in for book reviews.

Much of that has to do with a promise I made to myself at the end of 2022 that 2023 wouldn’t be a year of fatigue and exhaustion. I vowed not to rush the process or take on too much.

Rather than take my laptop and edit, I spent most of the time eating, laughing, sleeping, and basking in my family’s love.

Janiyah (12), and Jamie (4)

I learned that my 12-year-old niece didn’t know who Emmett Till was, so we took her and baby girl with us to the DuSable Museum.

Things are coming to me effortlessly as a result of letting things be. Yesterday, I found out that I am Soul (which is now at 71 reviews on Amazon!) and TWWBE are nearly sold out at Medu (again), identified a location for a future project, and established the groundwork for an event to celebrate National Poetry Month in April.

Have a restful weekend good people!

As the cool air whistles in from my back door, which is open, and the birds chirp their favorite afternoon tunes, I will continue to allow things to flow smoothly as I become a better version of myself.

The Hardest Lesson I Have Had to Learn as an Authorpreneur

One of the biggest mistakes I made on my Authorprenur* journey was doing everything for free. Everything from book reviews to interviews to consults was free at one time. I gave everything away. I even taught people the steps needed to publish books on their own without them giving me a dime.

*A play on the word entrepreneur, an authorpreneur is an author who blends publishing books with business practices. These authors do not only write and publish books, but they build brands.

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This might sound good. It might make your heart melt and make you shout “Halleluyah.” You might do a little praise dance for my commitment to service and admire my generous soul.

But you can save charity for your congregation and your nonprofit programs. This is not good for running a business because you train your audience to expect everything you do to be free.

This is what has happened to me.

Not only did doing everything for free teach my audience to expect free from me, but people also started taking advantage of me. They took the information I gave and tried to do it independently, so they didn’t have to pay for the service.

You also attract a low-paying tribe when you do everything for free.

Once you have set a foundation for giving your services away, it becomes difficult to start charging because you have already groomed and equipped people to expect this service to be free or extremely low-cost. It is much easier to charge your worth from the beginning.

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If you struggle with this or are just starting, you can schedule your day like a workday and only accept work during your work hours. I work from 10a-4p on Fridays. This means anything after 4 is set up for the next workday, Monday at 9am EST.

Now that your day is scheduled, what can you fit in that time? Do you write? Blog? Create Social Media Content? Are you answering questions? Emails? If people are constantly asking you questions, set up a discovery call system and put a price tag on that.

And by questions I mean, like, if you have a skill. Don’t be charging people for stuff and you don’t know what you are doing or talking about. That’s called a scam.

I don’t get paid to blog in general. Like, I am not being paid to publish this post. However, I do charge for Book Reviews, and Author Interviews featured on this blog, something I was not doing initially. After noticing how much time it took me to schedule the interviews (it can take hours) and put together the book reviews (this can take weeks), I switched things up a bit.

When Authors pay for a review* or Interview, it gives me more incentive to follow through. It also ensures I prioritize that project (paid projects supersede free ones). I also charge because I pay for space on this blog. This means this blog is no longer something I do for fun. It is also now part of my business.

*Paid book reviews featured on this blog do not guarantee a positive review so no, authors are not paying me for a positive review. Blog book reviews are also not posted to Amazon as paid reviews are against Amazon’s policy. 

It’s not even about the money. It is about putting value on your time.

Nowadays, saying you’re an entrepreneur can also mean unemployed, depending on who’s talking. The value has been cheapened by people chasing the next hustle. But a hustle is not a business.

The truth is if you are not charging for your work or constantly giving your books away for free, you do not have a business. You are either still hustling to see what will stick or have an expensive hobby.

Click Here for more Indie Author Basics. But Hurry. This series is moving to a new platform soon.

Nourish Your Root System

At the start of this month, my family and I took a three-city road trip. We picked up my mom-in-law from Memphis, visited some family in Louisiana, and headed down to Houston to see more family. Then, we headed back down to Memphis to close the weekend. We had a great time laughing and eating greasy chicken and enjoying each other’s company, old school style. I did not take many pictures; I did not post many pictures. I just wanted to refresh without social media’s input. I wanted to bask in my mother-in-law’s laughter and joke around with Dad. I wanted to hold babies and scold children. I got to talk to a horse too. I don’t think he was in the mood for conversation, though. It was hot, and my little cousins were annoying him in the way children do. We exchanged a few looks, murmured a few words, and each went about our way.

I still checked in on my social media, but I held back from posting myself. But then something happened as it often does when I step back. I didn’t want to come back! Even after we returned home, I decided to take a few more days off to sit back and reflect on myself. Often when I do this, I notice something pretty amazing: there is movement in stillness. Sometimes when we are doing nothing, we feel like nothing gets done, but actually, everything is getting done! As soon as we relinquish the need to control every outcome, things can move along as they were naturally intended to without us getting in the way. It’s like standing in a room with your eyes closed and not doing anything as the objects in the room start to move and position themselves around you. It is magical the way things line up when we embrace the quiet. Here are a few things that unfolded when I removed myself:

  • I received confirmation to move forward with the project I have been working on in the background for almost two years now. I will talk more about FAPA: From Aspiring to Published Author in a separate post.

 

  • I started work on a new collection of poetry I am calling My Soul is a Witness. I will talk more about this in a  separate post

 

  • I have been trying to get into audiobooks for a while now. I tried once with Renaissance but the narrator couldn’t go through with the project due to family issues. I put Even Salt Looks Like Sugar up on ACX and opened it to auditions. I also forgot about it. Over my break, however, I received three new auditions from narrators who read my sample script for Even Salt Looks Like Sugar, culminating in a total of six auditions. Yep, you heard me right, SIX!

 

  • I am Soul, received two new reviews. Those of you who are Indie Authors know how exciting that is as reviews are often hard to come by.

 

  • Even Salt Looks Like Sugar received one new review with the invitation to possibly do a signing or reading for the organization Sagacious Women of Business this fall.

 

  • The poetry contest got more submissions and email subscribes.

Nourish Your Root System

The part of the plant that grows below the ground are called roots. The main function of the root is to anchor the plant in the soil, to absorb the water and minerals from the soil and prevent soil erosion. There are different roots and root systems. There are tap roots that grow down into the ground and fibrous roots that grow out in all directions underground and looks like a bush. The difference is that tap roots are deeply rooted and fibrous roots are scattered and not that deep. Most weeds are under the fibrous system. It’s easier to uproot and transplant plants under the fibrous system than it is to uproot plants under the tap root system.

If much of the root system is destroyed, a portion of the leaves and branches will die. And if we repeatedly remove the leaves from a tree, some of its roots will die because it connects the leaves on the trees to the tree’s roots. The fruits on a tree are also directly connected to the tree’s roots. The growth of a tree’s roots requires a nourishing of the entire tree itself and when done properly, a strong tree is not easily uprooted by strong storms.

  • What is unseen (roots) must be healthier, stronger than what is seen (branches / leaves)

Work is not just about the physical act of doing something or what we see on the surface. It is not just about posting to social media every day, or blogging twice a week. What is unseen (our hearts, intent, character) directly affects what we see (how we interact, speak, what we produce). The root system of any tree needs to be as wide if not wider than the branches. Meaning what is below (unseen) must match (or even outmatch) what is above or what we see on the surface and if it doesn’t, the tree will fall over and die with the first bad storm.

The most significant work is the work we do on ourselves behind closed doors (unseen), how we nourish our root system. This “Soul Work,” as many deem it, is necessary for business growth and personal growth because how we feel about ourselves directly affect everything around us. It affects who we commit to in relationships and friendships, how we run our businesses, how we establish or do not create boundaries, and how we treat and interact with others. It is not about some pseudo-revolutionary Self-Care Social Media Movement. It is not about putting ourselves on pedestals and becoming a lover of self in the arrogant and cocky sense. Self-care is about recognizing and acknowledging that nourishing the root system of our lives will determine the quality of the fruit we will eventually produce. This nourishment could mean:

  • Praying
  • Fasting from food
  • Fasting from Social Media
  • Stepping back, taking breaks from work
  • Meditating, reading, thinking
  • Crying when we need to
  • Talking when we need to
  • Being silent when we need to
  • Writing (non-business related)

What are some ways you nourish your root system? What keeps you grounded? Comment below!


Don’t forget to preorder

Keep Yourself Full in ebook below!

Free with Kindle Unlimited

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CLICK HERE TO PREORDER.

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(This book will be available in ebook and paperback
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About.

 

Keep Yourself Full is a spiritual handbook that focuses on our return to self-love. It is a reminder that self-care nourishes the quality of our lives and makes us fit to be of service to others. Through my testimony, I give examples of how we self-abuse and how that differs from self-love, why it is essential not to take things so personally, why we must establish and enforce healthy boundaries, and how assumptions kill relationships. We learn that by investing in our well-being spiritually, physically, mentally, and professionally, we can be of service fully to others. It cannot be ignored that we treat others how we feel about ourselves. When we realize that what we do to others, we are equally doing to ourselves, we can use this awareness to heal. By treating ourselves better, we treat others better. Keep Yourself Full is about keeping ourselves filled with love and all that is good so that we are overflowing with enough to share with everyone else.

CLICK HERE TO PREORDER.


poetry contest
3rd Annual Poetry Contest: Time is seriously flying by. August will be here before you know it! If you have not already, be sure to enter this year’s contest BEFORE August 1st!

Click here or the hyperlink above to learn how to enter

Black History Fun Fact Friday – Esther Georgia Irving Cooper

Welcome to another Black History Fun Fact Friday. Today, we meet a woman you may not have heard about but who has done tremendous community work for the betterment of education for African Americans.

Esther Georgia Irving Cooper was born on November 28, 1881, in Cleveland, Ohio. While she’s the daughter of former slaves, her mother’s side of the family gained their freedom sometime before the Civil War and came to Ohio from North Carolina in the 1850s. Esther worked for Harry Clay Smith, a black man of the Ohio legislature and editor of the Cleveland Gazette. Esther later moved to Washington D.C. in 1913 as a stenographer in the Forrest Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. It was here that she met her husband, George Posea Cooper, a Tennessee native and veteran of the Philippine Insurrection then serving as a technical sergeant in the Quartermaster Corps at Fort Myer in Alexandria County (after 1920 Arlington County). The couple married on September 10, 1913, and had three daughters. The Cooper‘s valued education and Esther worked part-time as a teacher of English, shorthand, and typing at the National Training School for Women and Girls. She also managed business classes in the adult program of the Arlington County Public Schools as part of the Federal Education Rehabilitation Act.

Esther is best known for her Civil Rights Activism in Arlington County. She became an advocate for the improvement of African American education after deciding not to send her children to Arlington’s black schools because of the poor upkeep. She also took part in many community improvement organizations, lobbied on behalf of the Citizens Committee for School Improvement, and helped organize the Jennie Dean Community Center Association, a women’s group that raised money to purchase land for a recreation center open to African Americans.

Esther also served as president of the Kemper School Parent-Teacher Association, fought to establish an accredited junior high school, and organized and led the Arlington County branch of the NAACP. Under her leadership, the Arlington NAACP launched a court case challenging inequalities in the county’s high school facilities. The group’s efforts culminated in Carter v. School Board of Arlington County (1950), in which the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the county’s separate high schools constituted unlawful racial discrimination.

I love shedding light on the Esther’s of the world because they are not the same ten black leaders we’ve heard about and we hear about repeatedly. These unfamiliar faces help us understand just how powerful our contributions have been to the world as there are so many who are unknown and unrecognized, their names left out of the history books, school curricula, and Google searches. The best way to honor those who have put in great work on behalf of bettering our communities is to act. To pick up the mantle and do what we can from our corners of the world. To use whatever skill, whatever talent, whatever gifts we’ve been given to do our part. The best way to honor anyone we feel has contributed anything significant to this world is to do the work needed to move forward and to take the time to appreciate and to honor those individuals who are still alive and who are working. Let’s not wait until their deaths to support fully. Let us do that now, today, while they live, and let us help them in their endeavors in whatever way we can according to the gifts we have been given. Let us give people their flowers now who deserve them. The next day is not promised. Let us not wait.

Esther did the work. May we do the same, in whatever capacity to which we are able.

New Author Tip – Nothing is a Waste of Time

Me and Vivica Fox at her Book Signing yesterday. Be sure to stop by The Medu Bookstore at the Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta and grab your copy of ‘Everyday I’m Hustling’ by Ms. Fox and ‘I am Soul‘ by me!

Dear Indie Author / Self-Publisher, that thing you are doing, that step you’re taking, that move you made….

…is not a waste of time and don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Time is never wasted. Everything is a learning experience IF you choose to see it that way. People like to tell you not to do something because it hadn’t worked out for them or because they can’t see any good in it. If you sow negativity about every mistake then you will reap negativity and nothing will ever work. But, if you sow positivity by turning those mistakes into lessons then you will reap positivity by acquiring a new skill. You will be blessed with an understanding you didn’t have before and the courage to take risks that are no longer bound by the limitations of others.  As an Indie Author you will be bombarded with advice so you have to be very conscious of what works for YOU and what doesn’t. Sometimes the only way to know this for certain is to do the work. Knowledge is only power when it is applied. At some point you must make the difficult decision to stop researching and have faith in the work. Just do the work.

Writespiration: Have You Done All That You Could Do?

This is my husband’s advice to everything and I love him for it. It always brings me back. Whenever I am stressing about something this is the first thing he asks me. “Have you done all that you could do?” I want to use this question as motivation for some writespiration today.

Writing books is not easy and building a business around those books is even more challenging. Sometimes I get down because things are just not going the way I want them to. Or need them to! Sometimes I get frustrated and I really want to give up. I say to myself: Is it worth it? Is there anyone who really cares? Am I wasting my time? These are questions we all have from time to time. After all, we are human with feelings and emotions and every now and again, we get down. We do not stay down, it is my hope, but it happens. (Especially when we are on the brink of something great.)

“Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou

But then my husband’s voice goes off in my head: Have you done all that you could do?

This means to me, have I done everything in my power to move this thing forward?

If the answer is no the follow-up question is: what can you do with what you have financially, intellectually, practically? Is it money that’s limiting you? Is it a lack of knowledge that’s limiting you? Is it the practical application? Is it lack of support? Are you communicating with your audience? No problem can be solved without a thorough understanding of why it’s even a problem in the first place.

Have you done all that you could do?

If the answer is yes, the follow-up is: It’s out of your control now. Now you must pray for Yah to move on the spiritual realm. Let Yah bring the super and you bring the natural. Ask him to remove the stumbling blocks and demonic forces blocking your way. Ask him for the strength and the courage to wait for what is on its way to you. Ask Yah for patience and believe he has the power to make it happen.

Have you done all that you could do?

This question asks us to examine our goals in a logical way instead of sulking and complaining (which literally does nothing) and gives us something practical to work with. By implementing action we are usually capable of shifting the negative energy toward a more positive vibe. Do not forget that you have the power to change the way that you feel and to take a negative emotion or situation and turn it into a positive one at any time. When you ask yourself, “have I done all that I could do?” it will bring forward new ideas and force you to do something and see the good rather than the bad. You will begin to examine what you have done instead of what you have not done and what you do have instead of what you do not have.


Be sure to pick up your copy of Revolution: The Nora White Story – Book Two, available now for pre-order on Amazon. Didn’t read book one? Grab it for 99cents here from now through 5/30.