No Whining Wednesday – Don’t be a Negative Nancy

Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. Now, if you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the first post HERE for more on what this post is all about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

What is a Negative Nancy or Neil? She or he is someone who cannot find the good in anything. There is always something wrong with the world and if there isn’t anything wrong with the world they will make one. A Negative Nancy or Neil tends to use his or hers personal problems, past or present, as the catalyst or crutch for which they have this grudge. A negative Nancy or Neil complains about everything and anything. These are the people who look for the bad in things first and if they can’t see the bad then maybe they will acknowledge the good. Maybe.

“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions”

– Will Smith

Usually, Negative Neils and Nancy’s are born from putting energy into other people. We get so caught up in how other people see us that we allow them to use us. We become their toilet stools, their waste baskets, their garbage. A heaping pile of negative energy consumers. People just dump themselves on us. Their views, their perceptions, and their way of thinking.

Now, these aren’t people who have a stake in your life. These aren’t the people who are there for you, who support you or who believe in you and are trying to encourage you. No, these are people who do the least for you and yet, how they feel about you is more important than how you feel about yourself and as that negative energy is dumped into your lap, you now have nothing good to say about anyone or anything and worse, you now project this attitude to the people around you.

Did you know Negative Neils and Nancy’s can be spotted for miles away? It’s not hard to spot that one person who has something negative to say about everything:

“How’s the weather?”

“It’s nice out but I shole wish it would rain.”

Why you can’t just enjoy the nice weather? It’s gotta rain too?

“Sure glad it rained today, don’t ya think?”

“I guess. Would have been nice if it did all this yesterday.”

When the rain comes, Negative Nancy’s and Neil’s still aren’t happy.

“What’s taking so long? I haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“I got some leftovers I’m about to put on. You can have some.”

“Leftovers?”

Negative Neil’s and Nancy’s are never content. There’s something wrong with everything.

I think we get the point here.

Today, as you strive not to complain, think about what’s causing the complaint. Nine times out of ten it is not you or someone who loves you. Nine times out of ten it is from people who do so little to nothing for you. Don’t let them control so much of your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let them have so much control over you and turn you into a Negative Nancy or Negative Neil.

There Are Reasons and There Are Excuses…But Actually Excuses

YOU need to read this! This is so true and so on point.

Dream Big, Dream Often

When you really think about it, most of the “reasons” we use to explain why we didn’t do something or why we didn’t succeed, are actually excuses.

The most common excuses I receive in comments and emails are: not enough time and not enough money.  But didn’t Einstein, Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, Steve Jobs, etc. all have 24 hours in a day?  And haven’t there been millionaires start with no money to their name?

In my opinion a reason sounds like this…”I couldn’t pick up the spoon that fell on the floor because I have no hands.”  An excuse sounds like this…”I couldn’t pick up the spoon because I worked all day and my back is sore.”  The more I operate this blog the more I believe that the vast majority of us use excuses and not reasons.  I’m not judging, nor am I trying to give anyone a hard…

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No Whining Wednesday – Laugh

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, criticize, or complain. Today, we focus on not complaining for a 24-hour period. If you are new to this blog or this segment, please go HERE for our first post for a more detailed description of what this segment is all about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Now I really wanted to share a good one today. There are many quotes and pieces of wisdom we can gain based on how important it is to laugh. But I wanted to find one that really spoke to the nature of this segment and will give us something to think about. It took some digging and there are some really good ones but the one I found that stuck out was this one:

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.”

–Bob Newhart

In the first draft of this post, I mistakenly used wine instead of whine so that it read: “…you do not get to wine, criticize, or complain….

Lol

Good thing I went back over this. That was close. (Phew)

Laughter is everything and I believe that if you are too serious to laugh then you are too serious and your life is probably real boring. The next time you find yourself in a sour mood, try to find the humor in the situation. Of course, depending on the situation this will be harder for some than for others but if you concentrate on the positive then you will find it. It may take awhile, but you will find it.

I’m at a point in my life where I’ve come to appreciate positive affirmations and the high vibrations the universe puts out when we focus on the good instead of the negative. According to an article in Laughter is the Best Medicine, laughing really is good for your health:

Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.

Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Laughter burns calories. OK, so it’s no replacement for going to the gym, but one study found that laughing for 10 to 15 minutes a day can burn about 40 calories—which could be enough to lose three or four pounds over the course of a year.

This next one speaks to our quote:

Laughter lightens anger’s heavy load. Nothing diffuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness or resentment.

Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. The difference was particularly notable for those battling cancer.

I believe that hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

–Robert Fulghum 

No Whining Wednesday – Wait It Out

It’s that time of the week again. Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday. The only day of the week where you do not get to whine, criticize, or complain. If you’re new to this blog or new to this segment, please visit the first post HERE for more on what this is about. For those of you who’ve been rocking with us since we started, I hope that you’ve settled into a no complaining routine! OK well, at least on Wednesdays!

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s motivational quote for not complaining:

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.”

~ Brian Adams

I almost complained this morning and the day just started. In fact, I almost complained putting this post together about complaining. Here’s how I stopped myself: I waited to see if I could solve the problem before getting upset.

I don’t know if this will help you but it helped and has helped me on more than one occassion, today being one of them. Sometimes you have to just wait and see what happens. I literally tell myself: “OK, let me try and do this real quick and then I’ll panic.” Well, it works because I usually figure it out and by then the moment has passed.

I came home from out of town one day and couldn’t find an important USB with work on it to which I had not backed up. Worst case scenario is that I’d lost some critical documents. But I decided this day that I didn’t feel like worrying about it (worrying drains your energy too!) so I literally put off looking for a few days.

On the day I decided I needed to find it, I thought about where I seen it last before I panicked. It worked. I found it.

Today, have a little patience. Wait it out and see what happens.

Writer’s Wednesday – Beyond the Colored Line

Sooo. Yea. One reason I don’t like saying what I am going to do is because I end up not doing it (don’t ever say what you will do. Bad idea.) So, when I said Chapter 3 of The Men with Blue Eyes was coming this week I did not anticipate not finishing it. But yea, it’s not finished. So, this week I am sharing a Chapter from my novella “Beyond the Colored Line” (2015) instead. Enjoy.


September 4, 1923

“You’s white.”

Margaret and Josephine had their hands on their hips again, Josephine taking the lead role as always. The wind felt soft against their skin and swayed the handmade dresses in all directions, hovering well below her long, skinny legs.

Her pony tails were twists that never really wanted to stay together. Stella got lost for a minute. Slightly envious. She wished her hair was as thick as Josephine’s. But instead hers could never keep a braid. School had just started at Crestwood Elementary of Belvedere City, just south of Boone County Illinois and already Stella could see this would not be a good year. Same as always.

“I’m not white; I’m Negro, same as you.”

Josephine rolled her eyes, “You look white. You sound white. I thinks you white.”

The girls laughed. Meanwhile, Stella’s blood boiled. Her hazel eyes darkened, blonde hair glistened in the sun, and the blush of anger showed quickly in the space of her cheeks and around her ears.

“You’s white ‘cause we say you’s white,” said Margaret.

“That’s right”, co-signed Josephine, “what kind of name is Stella anyway? What, you some kind of slave?”

“Naw, said Margaret, “she ain’t no slave, she massa.”

Josephine turned her head toward Margaret and laughed in her ear but Margaret saw it coming from her peripheral.

“Josephine!” she yelled. But it was too late. Stella was already on top of Josephine pulling her neatly pressed hair and slamming her face into the dirt. She could hear the screams of the teachers nearby calling her name but she just couldn’t stop.

“I’m not white! I’m not white! I’m the same as you!” she yelled, hot tears streaking down her face.

Josephine was crying now as Margaret tried to peel Stella off her.

“I’m Negro the same as you!” she yelled, slamming Josephine’s face into the ground, the screams from the teachers nearing, inaudible to the anger that consumed her.

Later that Day

Judith stood by the door, tapping her foot impatiently against the hardwood floor as she burned a hole in the back of Stella’s head who sat silently on the sofa, her head down.

“You’re going to have to learn to control yourself Stella.”

“But Mom—”

“Did I ask you to say a word?” Scolded Judith, opening the door at the same time. She expected her guest and opened before she could knock. Mrs. Velma Connor, Stella’s teacher, walked in.

“Good Afternoon, I’d like to apologize again for what happened today. May I offer you some coffee?”

“Never mind that”, said Velma, “I don’t specs to be here long.”

“Well”, said Judith, “let me offer you to a seat then.”

The women walked over to the sofa. Judith sat beside Stella as Velma took the sofa across from them and cleared her throat.

“Stella seems to be having a difficult time adjusting. Her temper is far too easily tickled, if you catch my meaning.”

I do”, said Judith.

“We think perhaps she would be better off in a more comfortable environment. Somewhere more of her liking, if you catch my meaning.”

Judith straightened and looked Velma in her sparkling blue eyes, “Not exactly.”

“Well, Ms. May, the accusations from some of the children are hard to ignore.”

“What accusations?”

“Well, you know. Children will be children,” Velma laughed, “It’s just that they don’t take very well with our kind. Surely you ‘d prefer for Stella— “

“Our kind?” interrupted Judith.

“Why, yes.”

“You don’t have to say anything more Mrs. Conner”, said Judith standing. The fair-skinned woman smoothed the apron hanging from her waist and walked to the door. Opening it, she turned to Stella.

“Stella Mae?”

“Yes mama?”

“Go on upstairs so me and your teacher can talk.”

“Yes ma’am”, said Stella, hurrying up the stairs.

Velma remained seated, “Is there a problem?”

Judith smiled, “No. There’s no problem but I do want you to leave my house.”

Velma’s cheeks turned red as she stood, pointing her nose in the air and strolling toward the door. Her face cringing a scowl.

“By the way, the school has placed Stella under suspension, you understand why.”

“Oh, I do”, said Judith, “you see, defending ourselves, is what we’re taught.”

Confusion washed over Velma’s face as she stared into the green eyes of the white woman in front of her, disgusted that she would stoop so low as to lay with one of them.

“What we’re taught? I’m not sure I follow.”

“Oh yes,” said Judith, “It’s one of the first things my Negro father taught me. You know, our kind I guess.”

The pink rushed to the woman’s nose as she hurried out the door.

And that’s how things had been for us growing up. I couldn’t understand what made Mama so strong. She loved Daddy with every bone in her body but society would never have of it. Mama was Negro sure enough as she was white but Papa didn’t trust it. Being with the love of his life was just too costly for him I guess. I thought about Papa that day and all the days afterward as I stood at the top of the stairs, and watched as my mother waved goodbye to my racist teacher with a smile on her face.

– Stella


This book is available now on Amazon.

Get it free in exchange for an honest review. Email me HERE


“Stella: Beyond the Colored Line is a fascinating walk through the ages–from slavery, to segregation, to the black power movement, to modern times. Through the eyes of one mixed race woman, the author touches on major events in African American history, allowing the reader to experience them in real time. The story deepens when Stella decides to live as a white woman and raise her children as whites. As her family grows and develops within a changing society, Stella and her children reveal complex perspectives and attitudes that make it clear that it doesn’t matter who your ancestors were. Nothing is just simply black or white.”

– Christa Wojo.,

Amazon Customer Review

No Whining Wednesday – See the Lesson

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you have 24 hours in which not to whine, complain, or criticize. If you’re new to this blog or new to this segment, please go HERE for our first day of the segment which explains in greater detail.

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Today’s quote comes from the inspiration to this segment. If you follow that link or if you remember, I started this because of watching a speech from Iyanla Vanzant. Today’s quote is directly from her:

“No whining, no complaining about anyone. Everybody in your life has come to teach you lessons.”

Today, to keep you from complaining, think about the lesson the situation has to teach you. I’ve already started implementing this into my life and I still complain, of course (lol), but I have noticed improvements and I can vouch that this is a practical step that does work.

If I just stop and think, what did I do wrong and what does this situation have to teach me? Then I am less likely to complain about it. You have to understand that complaining usually comes from two things: not understanding a situation and not being able to change something. Of course, it can become a lot more complex than this but this is the root of most worrying, not being able to change something out of our control or not understanding something. Today, just stop. Stop trying to change it. Just see the lesson.

No Whining Wednesday – Understand and Appreciate Your Riches

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. Click Here if you’re new to this segment for more on what this is about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

“If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches..”

– Rainer Maria Rilke

Are you rich? Here’s a list to help you to find out. You’re rich if you:

  • Woke up this morning
  • Have a roof over your head
  • You ate today
  • You have someone who loves you
  • You love someone back
  • You have clean water
  • You have food in the refrigerator
  • You have someone who could give you food
  • You have a good heart
  • You wish good for others
  • Someone prayed for you today
  • You prayed for someone today
  • Someone cares for you
  • You have clean clothes
  • You have a washing matching to wash your clothes
  • You know how to wash your clothes on hand
  • You have a dream
  • You know how to read and write
  • You’re breathing right now

Understand and then appreciate your riches. Do that and you will never be disappointed. For the grateful, there is no poverty.