Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Title: The Courage to be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon that Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
Author: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: May 8, 2018
Page: 289


Written by Japanese writer Fumitake Koga and philosopher Ichiro Kishimi, in The Courage to be Disliked, an older man who adheres to Adlerian psychology and Greek philosophy has a conversation about life with a young man who is frustrated with life and thinks it’s unfair. Their discussion is built on the question of whether we choose to be happy. The dialogue-based style makes me think of modern-day interactions between young people and older generations and our own inner dialogues about life. (Neither person is named throughout the book.)

The young person’s argument that the world is confusing is an example of their discussion. The philosopher responds by asserting that we make the world complex, not that everything is complicated. He contends that life is subjective, and because we each see the world differently, it’s impossible to share our world with anyone else. The philosopher’s responses are simple, leaving you to wonder why you hadn’t considered it that way. I also appreciated how the young man’s genuine inquiries allowed the author to instruct through the philosopher.

The main takeaway from Kishimi and Koga is that unhappy people wind up living other people’s lives by chasing approval. They give up their own hopes, dreams, and aspirations in favor of conforming to others’ expectations. An example would be a young person who wants to be an author deciding to instead go to medical school to please his parents, whose wish is for him to be a doctor.

He must muster up the courage to deal with his parents’ disapproval of his decision to follow his literary ambitions.

Over the course of five discussions, the philosopher explains to his student how each of us can choose our own path in life, free from the constraints of the past and the expectations of others.

While I can’t entirely agree with the part about how trauma, according to Adlerian psychology, does not exist (and the dialogue style throughout the book does not particularly appeal to me), it is still a terrific inspirational read if you are interested in philosophy and psychology or want to know why people believe the way they do. The discussion will inspire you to evaluate life from a unique angle, possibly one you haven’t thought about before.

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 4/5
Authenticity / Believable: 4/5
Organization: 3/5
Thought Provoking: 4/5
Solid Conclusion: 4/5
Overall: 4/5

Grab It From Amazon Here.

The Courage to be Disliked


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Stay tuned for our next dope read, part two in Christa’s Sculptor series.

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The Heart of Dreams

Source: Wallpapersinhq
Source: Wallpapersinhq

Pay attention to your dreams, for they say the subconscious never sleeps. That eyelids bow the soul’s curtsy, a closed curtain for the eyeballs that awaken when the body shuts down. Bodies that die so that the mind may live. Your eyes move freely in the darkness. The random eye movement of fluttering skin in the heart of dreams. The spirit waits for the exhaustion of the soul so that it may move about amid visions we tell when we wake up. The subconscious self that stutters while we sleep, taking notes and collecting memories from the storage space of the mind. Peeling back the deception of the beautifully crafted language we birth when the spirit’s not present. Showing them for the nightmares they are when masks fall, and demons manifest our truths in the depths of our minds and in the visions that awaken when eyelids bow in the heart of dreams.

5 Reasons We Doubt (And Why We Shouldn’t)

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  1. Belief – We have no faith. Period. We invest more in our problems than we do in possibilities. We spend more time thinking about the bad stuff before the good stuff which ultimately leads to stress. In addition, our unbelief tends to lead us to wait until we get what we want before having joy. Why do you have to wait until you get the job to appreciate the job? Why wait until you are acknowledged for a skill to nurture or appreciate the skill? We wait when we should rejoice on the way. Rejoice during the journey, not just afterward.
  1. Fear – Fear is the biggest reason for doubting because there is no fear in faith. Our fears vary. Could be the fear of rejection from others or a fear of failure. In any event, it is not something that we so easily notice or that we even care to admit to but it’s there. At the root of not doing our best is the fear of something. I remember when I was a little girl and I got into this fight. I hurt this person so badly that I didn’t want to fight anymore. I literally restrained myself from it. I didn’t take up for myself sometimes. I let people pick on me, and push me around.

My secret wasn’t that I was afraid to fight. My secret was that I was afraid of my own strength. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I was afraid that I’d do just that. Sometimes our fears are not because we know that we will fail (although that too), but that we will succeed and what that will mean for our future, for with great authority comes greater responsibility. What will it mean for us to be who we were ordained to be? For many of us, the answer’s a frightening one. But look at it this way: You cannot turn a light on and off simultaneously. You have to either have the light turned on or turned off because light and dark cannot coexist. Likewise, fear and faith cannot coexist. You will either be fearless or you’ll always be afraid. Afraid of what others will say. Afraid of what others will think, and afraid of how your light will make others feel. That’s a terrible way to live.

  1. Disagreements – Also known as criticisms, one major cause of doubts comes from disagreements among others. Who remembers the Ach Conformity Experiment? A series of studies performed in the 1950s that demonstrated the power of conformity in groups. These are also known as the “Asch Paradigm”. In one such experiment, there were five men who were to perform a very basic task: Match the line on the left with the line on the right. It was something your three-year-old can do. Four of the men were agents, people in on the program. They matched the line on the left with the incorrect line on the right. The subject knew they were all wrong but because they were the majority he chose the same wrong answer.

Even though he knew everyone’s answer was wrong, because they were all on accord and he wasn’t he doubted himself and chose the wrong answer. Remember, let no one make a prey of you through philosophy and empty deceit. But as it happens, as soon as the majority shake their heads and say to themselves, “How foolish of us”, that’s it. One minute you’re confident and hopeful and as soon as the slightest wind of a disagreement comes along we are done. Boom. Over. Joy depleted. Spirits crushed. Dreams deferred. However, remember this if you remember nothing else: Beware when all men speak well of you. Every great person who has ever stood for something was mocked, laughed at, teased, and assumed to be foolish by his or her contemporaries.

  1. No Support – Usually from feeling isolated, almost just as bad as disagreements among others is no support at all. This can leave a big gaping hole of doubt in our minds. The feeling is so great that it can lead to sadness and depression. This causes a doubt that can be very dangerous as we can miss our purpose putting off what we were built to do because a lack of support gave the perception that it was not for us at all. The truth is that it just wasn’t the right time. Why wasn’t it the right time? Well, that depends but it could be that you were not in a place to do it. Could be that you were not mature enough to carry it through. There is always a reason for why things happen in our lives and if we stop trying to change what we have no control over we won’t be as stressed. As Einstein once said, “I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself.”
  1. Mistakes – A big cause of doubt is failing. Mistakes leave huge stains on our spirit and sometimes cause us to give up altogether. It also ceases us from trying again or thinking we had it in the first place. The truth is that sometimes you have to be torn down to be built back up. Remember that it is not being knocked down that makes the difference but staying down. I believe the man who has fallen seven times and stood up eight is a greater man in the end than he who has never fallen.

Thought-Provoking Thursday|Manifesting Your Dreams!

A vision board! I love it. What a creative way to manifest your goals. (Yall know I’m always about action). Remember, a dream is a dream. Action makes it a reality. Wake up from your dreams and live your purpose!

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Erased

I dreamed in my mind

that the Earth seemed to never move

and the ships that sailed on it were slow and quite

they never sounded their horns

or went “Chu! Chu!”

the wind never blew

the stars never popped out of the sky

like silk sheets

and the thunder

never growled its teeth

the fish sat silent

still

alone

even they refused to move

just waited

until the land came home

all of it

everything was gone

the people were like zombies in every town

they went about their daily routines

but from sun up

to sun down

no one

made a sound

it was deception they decided to take it

either that or I’m lost in the matrix

surrounded by people that when they opened their mouths

it seemed they faked it

they would walk right through me

and then walk into the streets

as if with their eyes they could not see

I dreamed the worst dream

no more sun beaming down

no more dirt covering this hallow ground

instead I feel as though I am among graves

people who walk around as if with no brains

but as I stop

and I’m staring a dead man in his face

I realize that these people

have been spiritually

erased.

Dreaming

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They tell you to keep dreaming, but I am on a mission to stop the flow of dreams. To stumbling block my way through imagination, and the influence of certain memory. You see, there’s a secret to all these dreams. A hushed lullaby of awareness kept sacred within the chambers of understanding. A secret left deserted amidst the open square of objectives and goals and missions, and all this talk of entrepreneurship. It is easy to get lost here. To be an off scale balance of myth and reality. A sleep walking fantasy of coming and going wrapped up in fragmented steps and plans. Dreamers strive to illustrate the future with their talents, and to breathe life into the stillness of pictures that once belonged in books. Their striving is admirable to say the least since I too have goals I wish to accomplish. Yet while accomplishing them I’d hope to do so while awake; in the depth and breadth of consciousness. To never be put into a situation where I lose track of myself for the sake of adding humanity to fairy tales. The greatest achievement means nothing to the person who has lost track of themselves, and have opted to be boxed in, and to be mentally limited. It’s OK to have goals, but be not the sacrificial lamb to your greatest dreams. Do not do away with goal and objective, but be careful under the concept of dreaming, since to dream, you have to first be asleep.