No Whining Wednesday – It is Easier to Walk When It’s Not Raining

Wow. It’s been sooo long since we’ve had a No Whining Wednesday episode! I have officially fallen off. But, I’m back. If you are new to this blog be sure to click here to learn more about what NWW is all about.

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I don’t open up much on social media. Not that I am hiding anything. It is just that social media, with a few exceptions, is not real. It is virtual reality. A place people go to hide their flaws, criticize others, and pretend that their lives are great. This is annoying and I find myself not wanting to be involved except in sharing my writing. I log in, post up and log off. Sometimes (every other month), I deactivate my Facebook account completely. Social media is good for business but it is an energy exchange like everything else. I have to cut it off like I cut off toxic energy. I have limited my use to business-related posts only with some motivation thrown in there. Today, I will make an exception and let you in, briefly, on what has been going on with me. I call this, “It is Easier to Walk When It’s Not Raining.”

For a few months, I have not been feeling well. I do not mean physically. I mean emotionally. I have felt unmotivated and uninspired. I had no real reason to feel this way. No one spoke badly of me (not to my face anyway lbs) and I have had no shortage of work. Instead, more opportunities came my way, but it seemed the more events I attended and the more work I did, the less excited I felt. I did not feel unexcited completely. I was and am thankful for the opportunities that come to me. I was just not over the top and I know I should have been. I know I should be. So, what gives?

Part of this reason is the lack of support I have received. This is only a small part (I know it is much deeper than this), but it is a part. As I reflected on myself and my work, it seemed the more work I did, the less support I received. Despite these feelings, I continued to book work, plan for school and post up about my events. I continued to send emails and update my socials. I continued to do this not to deny my feelings. Nothing goes away just because you ignore it. We must address things. We must address feelings. Energy/Spirits/Vibes must be rebuked, removed, accessed. I continued because when the sun is shining (metaphorically and literally), and the birds are chirping and the sidewalk is clear of obstacles it is much easier to walk. You can circle the block while humming your favorite tune and walk at your own pace. But when it rains, everything changes.

Walking in the rain is easier if you are prepared. If you have an umbrella or raincoat, boots, and good windshield wipers. But your vision is still blurry compared to when it is not raining and you will still have to walk or drive slower than usual. There is also the fear of being struck by lightning, trees crashing into homes and cars, and other factors we must consider during a serious storm.

When we are going through our most difficult times, we want to stop. I have wanted to stop tons of times these past few months. But we shouldn’t stop because these are the most important times. These times, when things are not going well and we feel down, are the times when we are being strengthened. These are the times when we grow the most. Anyone can drive or walk when it’s nice outside and nothing is wrong but not everyone can navigate a storm.

(Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying you have to be “fake positive,” when you are not feeling it. I am more so talking about not giving up when you come in contact with a bad storm in your life).

If you notice something beautiful happens after a good rain. Everything blossoms. The grass is greener, the leaves on the trees are fuller, and if you planted something, watch out! That something will grow tremendously. Therefore, instead of stopping when things are bad we should just keep going. We are not falling apart. As painful as it is, we are growing.We are being prepared, positioned, aligned.

If you have ever felt how I have felt, please do not stop. Just keep at it. Keep doing what you are doing. Be patient with yourself and have faith that your purpose will be revealed in time. It is always easier to walk when it’s not raining. As the saying goes, “everyone solid until put in hot water,” (Unknown).

It is the storms that ultimately reveal our strengths. From our level of preparation to our discipline and resolve. It is the storms that cultivate something in us and that prepares us for the next level.

Don’t run from the rain. Let yourself grow.

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No Whining Wednesday – Take Nothing Personally

Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. Now, if you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the first post HERE for more on what this post is all about.

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The Four Agreements is one of those books I keep close to me alongside the Bible and Letters to a Young Poet. This agreement is my favorite and has been on my heart even without having anything to do with the book. You will find that you are happier when you don’t take things personally. When you know who you are, you don’t need people to tell you how good you are. When you receive praise, you don’t take that personally by letting it get to your head and start to think more highly of yourself than you should think. There is only one creator, and it’s not you. You understand that you are a vessel used for Yah’s purpose and that everything you are belongs to him.

Most importantly, when people say bad things about you or do not react in the way you expect them to, you don’t take that personally either. You learn to create healthy boundaries that allow you to cut people off who continue to disrespect you but you don’t take it personally. You know whatever they think is a result of their own belief system, opinions, and emotions. When people violate your expectations, whether that’s not calling/texting you back or not responding the way you think they should, you don’t see it as a personal attack on yourself. You’ll learn when people are happier, they respond positively but when people are not happy they respond negatively. And the good thing? That has nothing to do with you.

People who are not happy with their life will not be happy to see you happy and that’s okay. They are on their own journey. They can’t relate to you at this point in their lives. Otherwise, they would respond differently. They would be excited, motivated and charged. Why? Because they have been where you are and they know what it felt like when they had that same joy. But when things are not as joyous in their own life? They will respond differently. That’s okay. This has nothing to do with you. It’s an opinion given to you based on how they are feeling in this moment but you don’t have to accept it. The person is dealing with themselves, not you.

Taking things personally is a selfish act because you make everything about you when that’s not the case. What people do and say is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of their own selves.

No Whining Wednesday – No Reflection in Boiling Water

I think I’ve been away from this blog the longest since starting these past few months! I miss you guys! Which is why I am taking time out to chitchat with you this morning (evening for some of us). The air in Georgia is cool but I am not complaining about the cold for the first time since ever. There’s a bite to the air that’s refreshing and the warm coffee I am drinking is hugging my insides. There is a gloomy cast over the city as I am writing this and it sets the perfect tone. If you are new to No Whining Wednesday, be sure to visit the original post here to learn more about this segment. I haven’t done an NWW post in a while so we are far overdo.

 

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I read a quote earlier this week that stayed with me. The quote said:

I encourage you to try this for yourself. It will be fun and drive the point home. Set water to a boil. Once it’s boiling good, try to see your reflection in the water. Can you see anything or is the steam too much? Let the water cool and then try again. The cooler the water, the easier it will be to see your reflection. Even after the water settles, it is difficult to see yourself if the water is still too hot.

When you are hot, popping off and steaming, you can’t think logically. You can only think emotionally. You can only think with what you are feeling at the moment. This isn’t always bad (not all stress is bad…some stress is good because it gets you excited, motivated, and charged) but too much and it blurs your vision. Only after you’ve cooled off can you see the situation clearly enough to make a sound decision.

I came upon a Facebook memory the other day that fits this well. In the post, I said the following:



And I’ll leave it here. You got this.


p.s. The Gutenberg WordPress editor is not so bad! Perhaps a bit unnecessary since the classic is easier to use but not so bad. I used it for this post and I’ll do a short tutorial soon.

No Whining Wednesday – Don’t Leave Yourself Behind

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday! It’s been a minute since our last one so I am excited to be back. If you are new to this blog or new to this segment, please refer to the original post HERE. In brief, this is the day of the week when we do not whine, complain, or criticize. How have you done so far? You know us. We complain before getting out of the bed!

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How often do we attribute complaints to others? Probably about 95% of the time. Someone is always doing something to us, offending us or thinking badly of us in some way. But is it always others or is it us?

The truth is that it’s easier to think more about others than we do about ourselves and let’s face it, that’s a good thing on the surface. You don’t want to be a “lover of self” (2Tim 3:2). But balance is important in every aspect of our lives. It’s important to be there for others but it’s not cool to leave ourselves behind. I’ve learned that complaints are rooted in some form of unhappiness within ourselves. We aren’t the weight we want to be, we aren’t fulfilled at our jobs and relationships, and we are just not happy with ourselves in some capacity.

“As perfectionists, we tend to own other people’s problems. We tend to be fixers and doers. We are attracted to those that need help because of the accomplishment that we feel from helping others. This co-dependent behavior is unhealthy, and often leads to our own unhappiness.” – Source: http://imperfectionistblog.com/2015/04/be-there-for-others-but-never-leave-yourself-behind/

When you are not happy with yourself, everything annoys you and you complain more. The truth is like Dr. Phil said, we can’t control others. We can influence them. We can motivate them. We can inspire them, but we cannot control them. The only people we can control is our own selves. Spend some time with yourself and discover what it is about you that will make you happier and more fulfilled. Take some time to be a little bit selfish. I admit I have been. I have not written many reviews this year and I have not been as supportive as I know that I should. This is not because I have not wanted to. This is because I went through some hurtful things and I needed to make sure that I was good too (without projecting that onto you). I needed to refuel myself and do things that made me happy so that I can be there for others. I needed to take my own advice and keep myself just as full as I was keeping others. I needed to do this because being there for others without being there for myself meant leaving myself behind and leaving myself empty. And when you’re empty, what can you give? Only after you have dealt with you can you sincerely help others.

No Whining Wednesday – Stop Overthinking

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain or criticize for this entire 24hr day. If you are new to this blog or new to this segment, be sure to see the original post HERE for more on what this is all about.

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I am sitting here drinking my coffee and reflecting and one thing comes to mind today: “EC, stop overthinking!”

I hope you know by now that the inspiration for these NWW messages come from what I tell myself or what I’ve learned on a very personal level at some time or another. That said, I overthink a lot which leads to anxiety, fear, and a host of other things that sneak in through this “overthinking doorway”. It gets to where I have to step away from social media completely if I am overstimulated. (I am probably the only person who deactivates their Facebook like every two weeks…don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. Speaking of which, it’s about that time lol.)

I say all of this to say that I understand the harm that overthinking can do to a person mind, to their health and to their ability to enjoy the moment. You’re always thinking about what could go wrong or if you’ve done something wrong instead of what could go right and if you’ve done something right. Like the quote says, when we overthink we are creating problems that aren’t there. This is torture of our minds and personal well-being. We are already under attack by others (either people are rooting for you or casting spells, better believe it), there’s absolutely no reason to add to this by doing this to ourselves.

Here are some harmful results of overthinking and I must add, not overthinking is harder than it sounds so don’t beat yourself up about it. Reclaiming that peace takes practice and time like everything else:

Limits you – Instead of taking action you are sitting there thinking about it and creating limitations that weren’t there before and will probably never exist.

Complicates things – Simple things now seem complicated. This is not just in relation to our personal lives but I notice we do this in Indie Publishing too. Sooo much is over-complicated. Honestly, it’s not that hard. I wish we could focus on encouraging each other to learn the basics and building on that instead of creating these long lists of things that will come naturally over-time if we just wait.

Depression – Overthinking leads to depression. Really bad depression.

Lack of Confidence – Over-thinkers expect bad things to happen instead of expecting good things to happen. This causes you to lack confidence in your abilities.

Fear – As a result, you are in a constant state of fear (anxiety is no laughing matter and it is, at its root, caused by fear)

Depletes Your Energy – You literally tire yourself out from thinking too much. The energy you could have used to be productive is now gone.

I hope this small list helps you to not think so much and sometimes you do have to take physical action. For instance, I turned my phone off until I finished this post. Stepping away from social media is also a great help for me. Whenever I feel that I am overdoing it I step back and it gives me peace. I’m an introvert at heart so I can only take so much.

That’s it folks. Don’t overthink it today.

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No Whining Wednesday – Commitment and Consistency

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday! It’s been a loonnnggg time!

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The No Whining Wednesday Badge

If you are new to this blog or new to this segment please check out our first NWW post here to learn more about what this is all about.

The PBS Blog

Guys, we missed our first year anniversary!

No Whining Wednesday was started on January 4, 2017 and we managed to publish a whooping 22 episodes by years end. Who hoo!

Today’s inspiring quote:

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.  Without commitment you’ll never start and without consistency, you’ll never finish.”

– Denzel Washington

This segment is all about reducing our stress levels by not worrying for an entire 24 hour period and Denzel’s quote is just what I needed. I have not been updating this blog as much as usual because I’ve been focusing on getting out of my comfort zone and today, I encourage you to get uncomfortable and to use it to  help you to decrease your stress levels. Here’s an example of what I am doing today:

For this entire day, I’ve committed myself to not using my cell phone or social media (except for blogging). This means I won’t be sharing this post on social media until the sun sets my time (USA, EST). It also means it’ll take me a tad longer to respond to your comments since I won’t be using the super convenient WordPress app. I am doing this in an attempt to commit to something and to remain consistent with it. Sometimes we can be in a good mood but that mood may easily become affected by the mood of someone else. Complaining is contagious. When someone else does it we often feel the need to do it too.

Them: “Man, it’s too cold outside.”
You: “I know right. It is cold. Hope it warms up soon.”

You may not have realized it but you’ve just joined in with someone else complaint. It’s subtle but it’s there. You are both complaining about how cold it is outside, though you do both have a warm place to lay your head at night.

Complaining has become such an integral part of our lives that we do it without noticing. This means we worry or stress as a normal part of our everyday lives.

Today, commit to something that will help you not to worry so much and try to be consistent with it. It can be reading, writing, walking, exercising, anything that will help you to focus on the good and not the bad.


Yecheilyah is an author, blogger and poet. Be sure to pick up your copy of I am Soul, her latest collection of poetry on Amazon.

No Whining Wednesday – Expect What You Cannot See

It’s been a minute since we’ve had a No Whining Wednesday, where we do not complain, whine or criticize for a 24 hour period.

If this is your first NWW be sure to CLICK HERE to learn more about this segment. For the rest of you, welcome back!

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We hold onto hope with shaking hands and weak hearts. It is something we fall back on in times of desperation and fear. We cry out loud for it, searching for solutions to our problems when there’s nothing left to do but wait. When things are out of our hands and we are no longer in control then, and only then, do we hope because there’s nothing left to do.

It is time for an upgrade.

Expect What You Cannot See

Hope by definition is the substance of what is expected, the proof of what we cannot see. To strengthen expectation is to begin to expect things to happen that is not yet foreseeable. To build in hope is to start to look at life, not through the lens of what is not here, but what is yet to come.

It may seem impossible that you will be relieved of Child Support or that you will get out of prison in time to see your children grow up, that you will find the love of your life or that you will be healed from that disease. It may seem impossible that you can love again after being broken or recover from a traumatic experience. It’s difficult to look at these kinds of situations, many of which we have no control, and expect things to turn out OK. It’s difficult because everything physical says that it will not. Your appeal was denied, your Child Support Payments increased, the doctor says there is no cure and your emotions won’t simmer from heartache.

All the assistance, research, history, and the data is working against you.

But, then, there is hope…

When you can expect things to turn out differently despite all the physical proof that it won’t, this is hope.

When you start to expect what you cannot see. This is hope.

Hope is expecting something to happen that you cannot see is possible but you still expect it. It is, as the saying goes, taking the first step even though you cannot see the whole staircase. You know it leads to a place. You can’t see where it is or what’s up there but you know something’s there. It is when you are willing to be uncomfortable for a time because you expect that things will (despite the “evidence” that it won’t) get better.

To upgrade the hope in your life, you must begin to expect what you cannot see.

When you change your perspective, the way you see things and the way you think about them, your entire life will begin to change.