Tag: lessons

12 Life Lessons I Learned in 2017

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  • Growth is painful, uncomfortable, and frustrating. It reveals the raw and aching part of us and demands our masks to fall so that we may accept who we truly are and what truly is. This is unpleasant and frightening but necessary because, without this kind of mental and physical suffering, we cannot grow.

 

  • Deceit lies, and lack of proper communication can destroy any relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, how many secrets you’ve shared, how many deep conversations you’ve engaged in or how many tears you’ve shed, deception is a rotten fruit that contaminates weak foundations. No matter how embarrassing or silly, be upfront with the people you say that you love.

 

  • There is, sadly, a thing as being too nice. Energy is precious and we cannot risk being vulnerable to the first smile or positive comment that is thrown in our direction. Not in this world. While we can be positive examples, we must also accept that for some people it’s too late. They have been too far corrupted and will only trample our kindness and gossip about our weaknesses. Like the saying says, “Not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.” Discernment is key.

 

  • Let go of people who have let go of you. Do this without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or like you’ve done something wrong. Let go courageously. Without the need to explain yourself or to apologize for being misunderstood. People who have lied and betrayed you and left you out to rot will always make it seem that you are the person who is possessed and that you are the one who has done wrong. These are lies. In the words of Najwa Zebian, “shame lies on the person who takes advantage of a good heart.”

 

  • Laugh often and cry when necessary. Scream if you have to. Do not be ashamed. This is healing. Let the tears cleanse you.

 

  • It’s OK to be hurt, we’ve all been at some point, but don’t play the victim. Self-victimization paralyzes so that we have an excuse not to take responsibility for the lives that we live. We are always looking back on childhood, on past relationships and on failed circumstances as a crutch for why we are not the people we know that we should be. In the words of Pierre Jeanty, “When are you going to stop complaining about who you are now, because of who they were to you? You speak as an activist, yet live as a slave without a voice.” The past is our lesson. It is not our cage.

 

  • Do not work so hard to prove your sincerity. It will only come across as fake. There will always be people who do not accept you and to them, it does not matter how hard you try, you will never be enough. Forcing these people to understand you will do more harm than good. Don’t overdo it. Just be you.

 

  • Stop misinterpreting silence for whatever your imagination has made up. You don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives, why they have chosen not to respond or what circumstance held them up. Sometimes silence means people aren’t interested and that they don’t care but not all the time (though our doubt would have us to believe so.) Other times, silence means they don’t know how to respond or have not gotten around to it yet. Stop stressing over made-up mental scenarios.

 

  • Do not force locked doors to open. Sometimes it is just not the right time. If you break the door down, it will never be the same again. Remember the butterfly: If you force it out of its cocoon, it will never fly. It is not that this isn’t your door, it’s just not your time.

 

  • Do your own research and try things out for yourself. Experiment so that you know intimately what works and what does not work. Take risks and see what is legit and what is fabricated for yourself. Do this and you will not bend to every new opinion that surfaces.

 

  • Follow your own advice and show yourself the same love you so desperately seek from others. Give it to yourself first and then pour into the cups of those whose hearts are worthy. You are special so not everyone can receive what you have to give. Your love is not a game. Your love is a gift. Give it that distinction.

 

  • Never sacrifice your personal integrity for the sake of being “liked”. Don’t let people censor and edit your voice. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Walk away. Turn down whatever does not feel and taste and smell, like you.

15 Lessons I’ve Learned about Writing So Far – Guest Post by Yecheilyah Ysrayl…

Got something short and to the point for you this month on The Story Reading Ape Blog (because next month is eck! Release month!…but I digress…lol) With every book I write I learn something new. Here are 15 things I’ve learned so far in my journey.

Chris The Story Reading Ape's avatarChris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

I’ve been writing for eighteen years now and publishing books for ten. Over the years I have learned so much. Sometimes it can be overwhelming as you’ll begin to feel as if you are always two steps behind. That’s how I’ve felt lately. There’s so much to learn and to understand that I often feel I’ll never know enough. Then I realized that’s the whole point. The person who stops learning is an empty person.

I present to you 15 things I’ve learned so far in my journeys. It was difficult to downsize to a 15-item list but I managed it. The top five things are the last five at the bottom. It will seem that some of these things should be further down the line. That’s because the most important lessons I’ve learned are not about just writing alone but also how I’ve changed or grown as a person…

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No Whining Wednesday – See the Lesson

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you have 24 hours in which not to whine, complain, or criticize. If you’re new to this blog or new to this segment, please go HERE for our first day of the segment which explains in greater detail.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s quote comes from the inspiration to this segment. If you follow that link or if you remember, I started this because of watching a speech from Iyanla Vanzant. Today’s quote is directly from her:

“No whining, no complaining about anyone. Everybody in your life has come to teach you lessons.”

Today, to keep you from complaining, think about the lesson the situation has to teach you. I’ve already started implementing this into my life and I still complain, of course (lol), but I have noticed improvements and I can vouch that this is a practical step that does work.

If I just stop and think, what did I do wrong and what does this situation have to teach me? Then I am less likely to complain about it. You have to understand that complaining usually comes from two things: not understanding a situation and not being able to change something. Of course, it can become a lot more complex than this but this is the root of most worrying, not being able to change something out of our control or not understanding something. Today, just stop. Stop trying to change it. Just see the lesson.

To Be Real

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Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

“The Velveteen Rabbit,” also called “How Toys Become Real,” is a children’s novel written by Margery Williams and illustrated by William Nicholson. First published in 1922, the story was Williams’ first and most popular children’s book. If you’ve never read it before, the story is about the journey of a toy velveteen rabbit learning about love and what it means to become real.”

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People talk a lot about realness today, but few people understand what it means to really be real. The phrase “Keep It Real” is prominent, yet many people are not willing to hurt for it.

“He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these.”

Why is wisdom measured by old age? I suppose its because by the time your hair is gray and your knees buckle and you can’t walk as far, by then you’ve gone through enough heartache to know real. You see, you’ll never be real without going through the furnace of affliction. Yes, diamonds are beautiful, but they had to go through much pressure to get that way. The truth is that we learn early on to hate ourselves because we learn to fight against disappointment, to buck against pain, and to despise trial. We learn not to rejoice in the bad but to complain about it, never once considering that such pain is reaping strength in our favor. As a result, we end up being fake most of the time because we’re not strong enough to be weak.

“Of what use was it to be loved and lose one’s beauty and become Real if it all ended like this? And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his little shabby velvet nose and fell to the ground.”

This. This most painful, most humbling of a moment. Now, you’re real.

The Velveteen Rabbit

7 Lessons I Wish Someone Had Taught Me Before I Started Writing

“If you try and learn everything in one go, you end up not learn a thing.” Love these lessons! Check it out.

Sacha Black's avatarSacha Black

lessons learntWhen I first started writing, I was worse than a kid in a toy store. I wanted it ALL…NOW. I was desperate to be ‘good’ at writing. I didn’t want to just ‘be’ a writer, I wanted to Stephen King that shit.

I was deluded. Not because of my dream, but because I was unconsciously incompetent!

I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Which frankly, at that point, was less than fuck all. So I set about rampaging my way through everything that had even the faintest whiff of ‘writing tips’ attached to it.

The problem was, I got overwhelmed, saturated with conflicting advice and utterly bewildered as to which direction to go in. I didn’t know what to learn or how to learn it.

I realised there was no avoiding the fact it really does just take time to develop your writing muscle. However… along the way, I also picked up some pretty nifty tricks that…

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Writing 101: Assignment #2 – Write a List –Things I Learned

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1. I’ve learned that music is better than medicine, and that the sound of laughter is better than music.

2. I’ve learned to be humble in confidence, but courageous in character.

3. I’ve learned that to love and to be loved is the true measure of success.

4. I’ve learned that goals must be directly related to purpose.

5. I’ve learned that childhood is precious; things actually don’t get better after 21.

cropped-seal_v2-036. I’ve learned to respect elderly women as mothers, men as fathers.

7. I’ve learned that to fall and to overcome is better than to not have known struggle at all.

8. I’ve learned to appreciate the small things first, the insignificant, the lowly, and the taken for granted.

9. I’ve learned that with great authority comes greater responsibility.

10. I’ve learned that everyone has something to teach me.

Appreciation

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One of my itty bitty’s (a nickname for the children I work with in the community) was upset to discover that their treat was not as exciting as those given to the other children. We had played a guessing game that utilized their spelling and vocabulary skills and they were now being rewarded as a job well done. I on the other hand, was not exactly prepared to end the lesson. For this reason I put the snacks in a box and blindly (without looking), chose each child’s snack. While some received potato chips and juice, others got things like cereal (no milk) and cheese crackers. Needless to say the one who got the cereal did not appreciate her inability to get the potato chips, and the one who received the crackers mentioned he did not eat cheese, and simply gave it back. They were more upset however at my unwillingness to give a different snack or to allow them to trade. The lesson here, as I explained, was Appreciation. Not always agreeing with what is received, but accepting it as a gift because it was given to you, even if you passed it on to someone else. I explained to Tommy (not his real name), that instead of giving the crackers back he could have given it to one of his brothers or sisters who was not present at the time. That led to the inspiration of today’s post.

 

How often do you appreciate the little things?

 

You don’t have to share in someone’s reason for being; don’t have to agree with the birds need to sing soulful melodies in the morning in fact, that just may irritate you. May make you abandon your sleep to shoo away the creature destroying your morning bliss. Or maybe the drunkard on the nearest street corner has asked for the last of your change for the last time. Maybe the blogger next door has stirred within you a fiery rage of disagreement, like the smell of dissatisfaction poured out in a bowl of incense, a useless sacrifice from your subscription, not exactly what you expected. But sometimes growing with people is about appreciating the little bit of good you may be able to extract from them for the sake of building up your own goodness.

 
As mentioned earlier, Tommy may not have seen any good in receiving a snack made up of what he did not eat (cheese), but seeing the good in the fact that someone had given him something, he could have accepted the snack as a form of appreciation even if he gave it to someone else. His acceptance would have then built up something good in himself, and may have then moved me to enough compassion to give him something else.

 

The Lesson:
Learn to appreciate what seems insignificant, and in a humble manner strive to grow with what seems poor.