What the Losses Taught Me

Top of the World, Observation Level, World Trade Center, MD, Copyright © Yecheilyah 12.31.2019
I couldn’t help but think about “Vision” on the Top Floor of the World Trade Center in Baltimore. The view is a beautiful layout of the city and the binoculars let you see everything up close. That’s what 20/20 is about for me, seeing clearly.

20/20 = Perfect Vision

At this time of the year, most people are talking about their wins but I believe it is my losses that have caused the most growth and given me the most lessons. It was the letdowns, betrayals, and disappointments that have cultivated in me the strength I’ve had to endure last year and all the other years before it.

Keep Yourself Full didn’t do as well as I had thought and while it bothered me at first, I can honestly say that as of today I’m okay with it. I’ve been Self-Publishing my books for a while now and what I’ve learned is that experience brings clarity.

Hindsight is 20/20 and what I see now are the mistakes I made with this particular book, the audience I thought would be there but wasn’t, and the solace in knowing that my poetry is inspiring enough.

A ‘Snellen chart’ is an eye chart that’s used to help you determine the clarity of your distance vision. Somebody with 20/20 vision has normal acuity (sharpness or keenness of thought, vision, or hearing) meaning if they were to stand at a distance of 20 feet from the eye chart, then they would be able to clearly see each row of letters. This person has good eyesight.

What’s being said is that if you look back at situations that went poorly, you can clearly see (20/20) what you could have done better.

This entire year is 20/20 which means a time of looking back and reflecting on all I’ve done. I know the word “reflection,” is being used a lot this time of the year so it may not hit you as hard but I caution you not to let its repetitiveness water down its powerful meaning.

Reflection is serious thought or consideration but it also shows, expresses, or is a sign of something and an image of something in the mirror. To reflect is to give serious thought and consideration to ourselves, the image in the mirror. It is to look at ourselves. What do we see? What are we showing or expressing?

My philosophy (for lack of a better term) is “do you but do you intelligently.”

I believed, and still, believe, we should not just decide, but that we should make informed decisions. From this point forward it’s not just about making decisions but knowing why I am making those decisions. It’s about being intentional in every way. From this point forward, everything I do has a reason. Everything is a strategic move. From publishing a book to publishing a post.

There are projects I will retire this year and projects I will relaunch. Looking back, I can see clearly what works and what doesn’t work for my writing business.

I am flawed and imperfect. I will mess up but I am striving every day, learning, and correcting as I go along (with all the failures and pitfalls that come with it). I know these losses can do nothing but make me stronger, and wiser so that when I look back, there is nothing to regret.

The losses taught me to focus the first time around and to trust my discernment so I can see things for what they are, not for what I want them to be. The losses are a reminder to see things clearly.


Go to my IG page here to check out more vacation pics at some awesome museums including The Smithsonian Museum of African American History and Culture. Visit me on the web at yecheilyahysrayl.com and subscribe to this blog for notification of more posts.

3rd Annual Poetry Contest Spotlight 2019: Introducing Dondi Springer

Dondi A Springer is a happily married man and has been writing for a lifetime. At 43-years-young he never took writing seriously until his wife told him he should do something with it. “I was mostly inspired by the strength of my mother,” he says, “and also my own life experiences. As a champion of the underdogs, I strive to constantly grow, and show that through personal growth anything is possible.”

We are certainly glad you kept writing Dondi!

“Faith has already brought you farther than you can see
You crawled before you walked, bumped your head, and scraped those knees
Tears burning, blurring your vision, and yet wiped from your cheeks..”

-Excerpt from “Look Within”

Springer’s submission, Look Within is a short inspiring piece about looking within to find the strength that we need.

Dondi, please tell us what inspired your poem.

“My personal mantra is Ignorance Does Not Open Doors (I.D.N.O.D.), and ignorance did not overcome me. You can find plenty of positive energy, and motivation on my social media pages, and stay tapped in for what’s coming next for me.”

Copyright©Dondi A Springer

Springer has had poems published by the National Library of Poetry and is working hard on several projects.

Keep in touch with Dondi by following him online at the Social Media handles below!

Instagram: @napalmjax

Facebook: @DSpringer76

Twitter: @MrSpringer76


Kiyana Blount is up on Wednesday! Hit the subscription button so you don’t miss it!

Peace and hair grease!

Growth is Uncomfortable

I spent most of September reflecting on my writing and spending time with family. I’ve got tons of unfinished manuscripts in need of work and truth is they are hard to finish. I do not mean hard as in difficult to write. I mean hard as in finding the joy in publishing them.

I have felt bored with the monotony of publishing books. The support doesn’t feel the same. The blog doesn’t feel the same and now, even Self-Publishing doesn’t feel the same.

I am always writing, and I love publishing but I’m no Terry McMillan with millions of readers lined up to read my next book or any other author with multi-city tours lined up to guarantee that the next release will provide a change in routine. I do not mean this to sound pessimistic.

I am not giving up on publishing but those of you who have been Self-Publishing for a while may understand. No real change can get tiring. I have felt like King Solomon when he said, “the making of many books has no end and much study wearies the flesh.” (Ecc 12:12)

I feel myself transitioning to a level I do not as of yet fully understand.

Last week, the revelation came and while I know it’s not the only revelation on its way to me, it’s one I think important enough to share.

Growth is uncomfortable.

This is an exciting phase and every day I am reminded of its promise. Just recently a media specialist contacted me for something I cannot speak on at the moment. These kinds of moments provide me with the proof that I am not going crazy and that perhaps my name is being uttered in rooms I have not walked into yet.

Growth is like strength. It doesn’t feel you are being strengthened when you are in process. It doesn’t feel like growth when it’s happening. It feels uncomfortable and uncertain. I can feel myself changing in a way I never have before. I can almost reach out and touch it.

The next time you feel uneasy and uncomfortable, consider that perhaps, you are growing. Evolving. Blooming.

A little discomfort helps us to grow. The feeling is not fun, but it’s a big part of improving our personal development.

“Routines may make you feel at ease and in control, but what a constant routine really does is dull your sensitivities. Think about the times in your life when you’ve driven the same route repeatedly: after a certain number of trips, you start tuning out most of it. Have you ever had a trip to the office where you barely remember what happened after you got in the car? If you don’t get out of your comfort zone, you might find yourself tuning out much of your life on a daily basis. (Sujan Patel Entrepreneurs, Growth Marketer & Co-founder of Web Profits)

 

To keep from tuning out, I had to stop and think real hard about why I was feeling such discomfort and then I had to accept it, even as I watch people become distant and even as I strive to overcome my own limited thinking.

Brain research shows that putting yourself in new and unfamiliar situations triggers a part of the brain that releases dopamine, the “happy,” chemical. That part of the brain is also said to only be activated when we experience new things.

I don’t want you to think this post is about quitting. This isn’t about quitting. This is about allowing ourselves to grow/level up.

It is tempting to want to revert into that state of normalcy, to remain as we are. It’s easy to go through life unchanged out of fear that this new version of us won’t be accepted or that someone may accuse us of no longer possessing the same moral integrity as before. And how can we not think this way? We’ve been well-trained to think newness and change are inherently bad.

This is not the truth. Not all change is bad and since all change teaches us something, perhaps even change we perceive as bad is not so.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

Few people enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortable and as we are now a few months away from 2020, time will not wait for us to catch on. My challenge for this month and the rest of this year is to get past that initial feeling of wanting to return to the norm, so I can grow and benefit from that discomfort.

I hope the same for you.

Nourish Your Root System

At the start of this month, my family and I took a three-city road trip. We picked up my mom-in-law from Memphis, visited some family in Louisiana, and headed down to Houston to see more family. Then, we headed back down to Memphis to close the weekend. We had a great time laughing and eating greasy chicken and enjoying each other’s company, old school style. I did not take many pictures; I did not post many pictures. I just wanted to refresh without social media’s input. I wanted to bask in my mother-in-law’s laughter and joke around with Dad. I wanted to hold babies and scold children. I got to talk to a horse too. I don’t think he was in the mood for conversation, though. It was hot, and my little cousins were annoying him in the way children do. We exchanged a few looks, murmured a few words, and each went about our way.

I still checked in on my social media, but I held back from posting myself. But then something happened as it often does when I step back. I didn’t want to come back! Even after we returned home, I decided to take a few more days off to sit back and reflect on myself. Often when I do this, I notice something pretty amazing: there is movement in stillness. Sometimes when we are doing nothing, we feel like nothing gets done, but actually, everything is getting done! As soon as we relinquish the need to control every outcome, things can move along as they were naturally intended to without us getting in the way. It’s like standing in a room with your eyes closed and not doing anything as the objects in the room start to move and position themselves around you. It is magical the way things line up when we embrace the quiet. Here are a few things that unfolded when I removed myself:

  • I received confirmation to move forward with the project I have been working on in the background for almost two years now. I will talk more about FAPA: From Aspiring to Published Author in a separate post.

 

  • I started work on a new collection of poetry I am calling My Soul is a Witness. I will talk more about this in a  separate post

 

  • I have been trying to get into audiobooks for a while now. I tried once with Renaissance but the narrator couldn’t go through with the project due to family issues. I put Even Salt Looks Like Sugar up on ACX and opened it to auditions. I also forgot about it. Over my break, however, I received three new auditions from narrators who read my sample script for Even Salt Looks Like Sugar, culminating in a total of six auditions. Yep, you heard me right, SIX!

 

  • I am Soul, received two new reviews. Those of you who are Indie Authors know how exciting that is as reviews are often hard to come by.

 

  • Even Salt Looks Like Sugar received one new review with the invitation to possibly do a signing or reading for the organization Sagacious Women of Business this fall.

 

  • The poetry contest got more submissions and email subscribes.

Nourish Your Root System

The part of the plant that grows below the ground are called roots. The main function of the root is to anchor the plant in the soil, to absorb the water and minerals from the soil and prevent soil erosion. There are different roots and root systems. There are tap roots that grow down into the ground and fibrous roots that grow out in all directions underground and looks like a bush. The difference is that tap roots are deeply rooted and fibrous roots are scattered and not that deep. Most weeds are under the fibrous system. It’s easier to uproot and transplant plants under the fibrous system than it is to uproot plants under the tap root system.

If much of the root system is destroyed, a portion of the leaves and branches will die. And if we repeatedly remove the leaves from a tree, some of its roots will die because it connects the leaves on the trees to the tree’s roots. The fruits on a tree are also directly connected to the tree’s roots. The growth of a tree’s roots requires a nourishing of the entire tree itself and when done properly, a strong tree is not easily uprooted by strong storms.

  • What is unseen (roots) must be healthier, stronger than what is seen (branches / leaves)

Work is not just about the physical act of doing something or what we see on the surface. It is not just about posting to social media every day, or blogging twice a week. What is unseen (our hearts, intent, character) directly affects what we see (how we interact, speak, what we produce). The root system of any tree needs to be as wide if not wider than the branches. Meaning what is below (unseen) must match (or even outmatch) what is above or what we see on the surface and if it doesn’t, the tree will fall over and die with the first bad storm.

The most significant work is the work we do on ourselves behind closed doors (unseen), how we nourish our root system. This “Soul Work,” as many deem it, is necessary for business growth and personal growth because how we feel about ourselves directly affect everything around us. It affects who we commit to in relationships and friendships, how we run our businesses, how we establish or do not create boundaries, and how we treat and interact with others. It is not about some pseudo-revolutionary Self-Care Social Media Movement. It is not about putting ourselves on pedestals and becoming a lover of self in the arrogant and cocky sense. Self-care is about recognizing and acknowledging that nourishing the root system of our lives will determine the quality of the fruit we will eventually produce. This nourishment could mean:

  • Praying
  • Fasting from food
  • Fasting from Social Media
  • Stepping back, taking breaks from work
  • Meditating, reading, thinking
  • Crying when we need to
  • Talking when we need to
  • Being silent when we need to
  • Writing (non-business related)

What are some ways you nourish your root system? What keeps you grounded? Comment below!


Don’t forget to preorder

Keep Yourself Full in ebook below!

Free with Kindle Unlimited

****

CLICK HERE TO PREORDER.

CLICK HERE TO MARK AS

WANT TO READ ON GOODREADS

(This book will be available in ebook and paperback
when it releases on August 6th)

About.

 

Keep Yourself Full is a spiritual handbook that focuses on our return to self-love. It is a reminder that self-care nourishes the quality of our lives and makes us fit to be of service to others. Through my testimony, I give examples of how we self-abuse and how that differs from self-love, why it is essential not to take things so personally, why we must establish and enforce healthy boundaries, and how assumptions kill relationships. We learn that by investing in our well-being spiritually, physically, mentally, and professionally, we can be of service fully to others. It cannot be ignored that we treat others how we feel about ourselves. When we realize that what we do to others, we are equally doing to ourselves, we can use this awareness to heal. By treating ourselves better, we treat others better. Keep Yourself Full is about keeping ourselves filled with love and all that is good so that we are overflowing with enough to share with everyone else.

CLICK HERE TO PREORDER.


poetry contest
3rd Annual Poetry Contest: Time is seriously flying by. August will be here before you know it! If you have not already, be sure to enter this year’s contest BEFORE August 1st!

Click here or the hyperlink above to learn how to enter

The 32nd Year: A Reflection

I am in the 32nd year of my life journey even though the gray in the front of my locs won’t let me be great. I just had a birthday (5/26) and I am usually quiet around this time. (And yes, I do admit this is my pitiful way of explaining why *aside from author Interviews* I have not been very active on this blog). But while I have not spoken much about it or posted many pictures, I enjoyed myself and I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the outpouring of love from social media.

Like I would expect anyone to be, I am always excited about my birthday and pretty much think about it up until the day passes, though I am also usually quiet around this time because I also approach birthdays from a reflective point of view. I don’t celebrate holidays, but I do honor, acknowledge, and value birthdays. It’s not something I take for granted or shrug off as a non-important since this is the day when the power of all powers decided I was worthy of entering the world. Stitching me together in my mother’s womb and commanding it to hold me there until it was time to give birth.

Another birthday means another year has passed. I am quiet because I look back on the past year to see how I’ve grown and to be grateful for who I am, where I am and whose I am. I review my goals and the action steps needed to accomplish them. Am I moving or standing still? And if I am moving and if I am standing still is this reality or perception? I know that there is no greater deception than self-deception so it’s important to me to honestly and realistically reflect on my life, my progress, and my purpose since I do not intend to bring last year’s baggage into this new age. It’s important to me to see the good in the finished and the unfinished work. To be grateful for where I am and celebrate on the way to where I am going. Have I wasted a year, or have I taken full advantage of every day? There is much to think about and much to do.

I do not know what this year has in store for me, but I hope I can take full advantage of the day so that next year I can look back on today and know that I have done my very best to contribute to the forward movement of the world.

Cry Out

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

How does it make you feel

to see someone

mistreating themselves

to hear them poison their mouth

with self-hate language

or disrespect their soul

with insecurities

does not your intestines cringe

do they not wrap themselves around the wrongness there

the diseased spirit of a person defeated

does not your stomach turn into knots

does not the human in you cry out

now imagine

if you were outside your own body

and observing yourself

poisoning your mouth with self-hate language

and disrespecting your soul with insecurities

do your intestines cringe?

do they wrap themselves around the wrongness there?

do you recognize the diseased spirit of a person defeated?

does your stomach turn into knots?

when you are self-hating yourself

does the human in you

Cry Out


It’s National Poetry Month!!

 

Grab your copy of I am Soul for just 99cents in ebook for the entire month of April.  Want a paperback? The Nubian bookstore signing is next week! (4/12) Be sure to stop by for a signed paperback copy and save on shipping. Meet me in person and let’s take pictures and stuff!

https://www.yecheilyahysrayl.com/

Lessons from a Tomato Plant

We’ve been trying to grow a tomato plant but the weather in Georgia is not warm enough to put it into the ground so it’s still in the original package. The plant is dying as you can tell. It needs to be transplanted to a bigger environment. Either we will attempt to put it into the ground or my husband will put it into a large Styrofoam cup temporarily. (He’s done it before. Brilliant he is with plants.) Just as long as it is removed from its current place to a bigger place, it can survive long enough for us to put it into the ground. This had me thinking about life. Funny how inspiration can come from something as seemingly insignificant as a plant.

There’s a common misconception that fish only grow to the size of the fish tank it’s in. This is not necessarily true. Not statistically anyway. It’s not about the fish tank. The fish will continue to grow just as the plant will continue to grow. However, if the environment the fish or the plant is in does not accommodate it’s growth, both will die. Just as the plant needs to be transplanted to a bigger environment, the fish needs to be moved into a bigger tank as well.

The moral of this story is that, as humans, we are not much different. We do not stop growing but if we are not in an environment that encourages growth, we will be stagnant and, like this plant, can wither away. We wither in various ways. We get sad. We get depressed and, sadly, some of us even commit suicide. Just like plants die and fish die, we die too when we cannot fulfill our purpose. When we cannot grow as we need to, we die. When we do not feel that we have anything to offer the world, we die. This may not be a physical death but it could also be an emotional and psychological one. This can also be a spiritual one.

There’s a quote floating around that says you cannot grow in the same environment that broke you. I don’t know who said it originally but whoever it was, you’re right. Our environments and the people we surround ourselves with must begin, at some point, to take a more important role in our lives. It’s not just about us individually, but also who we surround ourselves with. If you are growing but you have not removed yourself from an environment that does not support that growth, does not nurture that growth, it might stop you from reaching your true potential. The point is this, our environment is not an insignificant part of our lives. It is essential.