No Whining Wednesday – The Company You Keep

Welcome back lovelies! To another No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, criticize, or complain for a 24hour period. If you are new to this blog or new to this segment, please visit the first post HERE to understand what this is all about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s inspiration is Will Smith’s Instagram video. It has been making its way around social media and for good reason. We live in a world dominated by social media and for this, it’s important to remember that everybody who LIKES you don’t “Like” you. In fact, I am willing to bet that many of us have people on our Facebook “friends” list who are not our friends and people who like our every post but will not reach out in real life. People who say they support you but have never bought a book or left a review or just helped you to promote your work. This goes far beyond writing, this is about life. Who we surround ourselves with has a lot to do with the person we eventually become. This is how important associations are. If the people around you are not encouraging you, lifting you up, inspiring you, correcting you, helping you, etc, why are they around you? Why are we allowing people who do nothing for us to have so much access to us?

“Defend your light with your life.”

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Introduce Yourself: Introducing Guest Author K.E. Garland

Been a minute since our last Introduction!

Today I’d like to extend a warm welcome to K.E. Garland. Welcome to The PBS Blog! Let’s get started.

What is your name and where are you from?

My name is Katherin Elizabeth Garland and I was born and raised on the west side of Chicago. I currently live in Florida.

Uh oh, another Chicago native in the building. I’m from the South Side myself. How long have you been in Florida? That weather must be feeling lovely.

I know right! Chi-town stand up! I’ve been here for about 20 years. We moved back to a suburb one year (Naperville), but found it was a little colder than we remembered lol, so we moved back. The weather here is WONDERFUL, when there’s not a category five hurricane coming towards us 😉

What is the most annoying habit that you have?

People “claim” <insert air quotes> that I eat very loud. I mean I don’t know if I believe them or not, but several friends and family members have complained.

Several loll. Siblings?

I have one sister who is five years older than I am. We weren’t raised together because I was adopted out of the family. Consequently, we’re not very close. I consider myself an only child; however, I use the phrase, “I was raised as an only child,” out of respect for the situation.

Aww. Let’s get back to writing. I met you through the blog, does blogging help you to write?

Blogging does help me write. It helps me maintain consistency with my purpose and writing. For example, my blog is focused on nonfiction, inspirational stories, so no matter my topic or thought, I always intentionally try to see the “good” in real situations and inspire readers to think a little differently about common issues.

That’s what’s up. Your comment section always popping lol. Do you have any blogging advice for author bloggers?

L…O…L Just be yourself. In all things, be yourself. You can’t be like the blogger who posts every day because you have a day job. You can’t talk about relationships because you don’t want to open up. And that’s FINE! Be yourself and do what you do best.

I get the feeling I already know the answer to this question but, what’s your favorite color?

My favorite color is red. I have a red purse, red laptop cover, and red clothing (in every style, including several red pairs of shoes). I also have red sheets, red silverware, and a red dish holder thing for when the dishes dry (whatever it’s called).

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Kwoted is available now on Amazon.

Oh my goodness lol. You are obsessed! When did you publish your first book? What was that like?

I actually published my first book in 2015. It is called Kwoted and included 100 original quotes created by me. As simple as the book was, I was ecstatic to have even gone through the self-publishing process. People didn’t really buy that book, but it inspired me to know that my next book, The Unhappy Wife (2016) was possible.

Kwoted sounds lovely. I like the spin on the title and I just finished The Unhappy Wife. Are you married Kathy?

I have been married for 21 years now.

That’s awesome. Children?

I have two beautiful and polar opposite daughters. They are eighteen and sixteen.

The Unhappy Wife

The Unhappy Wife is available now on Amazon.

Let’s go back to The Unhappy Wife for a moment. You’ve been married for over 20 years which I think is amazing. What advice can you give to young women out there on being happier in marriage?

Thank youuuu! I had this advice made up on a t-shirt when I was promoting the book:

  1. Know yourself.
  2. Love yourself.
  3. Be yourself.

That’s it. If you do one or all of those things, then your marriage will go smoothly. You’ll take ownership for who you are in the relationship and you’ll stop blaming others for your happiness or unhappiness.

Nice. Write that down people. OK, let’s switch it up a bit. What are your thoughts on Race?

Here in the States, we’ve spent too much time creating racial constructs and fighting against them. It’s an exhausting conversation and way of life. Quite honestly, I know that once we focus on the real divide, socioeconomic inequality, then we’ll be making some headway. Once we realize that most of us are in the same boat financially, while wealthy people control our entire existence, then a true shift will occur. Race (and racial inequality) is just something to keep us distracted from real issues. I hope I’m clear. Racial inequality does exist, but we have to move the conversation beyond race and into financial insecurity.

Interesting. What takes up too much of your time?

Nothing takes up too much of my time. I say this because I’ve spent much of my life getting to a place where most of my time is my own; therefore, I don’t think anything takes up “too much of” it. In most moments, I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, which I know is creating each future moment of my life. That’s a great feeling.

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Thank you Kathy for spending this time with us. We enjoyed you!


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K.E. Garland. Photo used with permission.

Katherin is a First Place Royal Palms Literary Award winning writer for Creative Nonfiction. Her work has been featured in the South Florida TimesTalking Soup and For Harriet. She typically writes in order to inspire social change. Other examples of her work can be found on her personal blog.

Website: kegarland.com
IG, Twitter, and FB: kegarland

Are you an author? Looking for more exposure? Learn more about my Introduce Yourself Feature HERE!

Question

Yecheilyah brainstorming at the Lounge, 2018.

When Def Jam started they had a small office with three desks, two phones, and no air conditioning. The point is that you can’t be afraid to start from the bottom. If you can see the vision through to the end, there are no limits to where you can go. Do not misunderstand me, I am not telling you to be Def Jam (let those who read understand.) I am simply showing you the power of endurance. If you can’t endure the struggle for a little while and in that process be hated, mocked, lied on, judged unrighteously, and looked down upon… please tell me again why you deserve to be great?

No Whining Wednesday – Commitment and Consistency

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday! It’s been a loonnnggg time!

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The No Whining Wednesday Badge

If you are new to this blog or new to this segment please check out our first NWW post here to learn more about what this is all about.

The PBS Blog

Guys, we missed our first year anniversary!

No Whining Wednesday was started on January 4, 2017 and we managed to publish a whooping 22 episodes by years end. Who hoo!

Today’s inspiring quote:

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.  Without commitment you’ll never start and without consistency, you’ll never finish.”

– Denzel Washington

This segment is all about reducing our stress levels by not worrying for an entire 24 hour period and Denzel’s quote is just what I needed. I have not been updating this blog as much as usual because I’ve been focusing on getting out of my comfort zone and today, I encourage you to get uncomfortable and to use it to  help you to decrease your stress levels. Here’s an example of what I am doing today:

For this entire day, I’ve committed myself to not using my cell phone or social media (except for blogging). This means I won’t be sharing this post on social media until the sun sets my time (USA, EST). It also means it’ll take me a tad longer to respond to your comments since I won’t be using the super convenient WordPress app. I am doing this in an attempt to commit to something and to remain consistent with it. Sometimes we can be in a good mood but that mood may easily become affected by the mood of someone else. Complaining is contagious. When someone else does it we often feel the need to do it too.

Them: “Man, it’s too cold outside.”
You: “I know right. It is cold. Hope it warms up soon.”

You may not have realized it but you’ve just joined in with someone else complaint. It’s subtle but it’s there. You are both complaining about how cold it is outside, though you do both have a warm place to lay your head at night.

Complaining has become such an integral part of our lives that we do it without noticing. This means we worry or stress as a normal part of our everyday lives.

Today, commit to something that will help you not to worry so much and try to be consistent with it. It can be reading, writing, walking, exercising, anything that will help you to focus on the good and not the bad.


Yecheilyah is an author, blogger and poet. Be sure to pick up your copy of I am Soul, her latest collection of poetry on Amazon.

On Healing

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Wow. I miss you guys! Feel like I’ve been gone foreeverrr.

Briefly, I’ve been, admittedly, in a funk. Not all of the time. Being away from social media has definitely been productive for sure work wise. But personally, it’s like this year arrived and I suddenly felt extremely down, lonely and secretly, I wanted someone to reach out to me. I wanted to laugh and talk and hang out. I wanted to confide in someone who would understand and I needed a friend. I was listening to sad songs and everything yall. I mean, “Who can I run to when I need love?” Lol.

As I posted to my IG though, replacing “Why is this happening to me?” with “What is this trying to tell me?” has been a game changer. It’s not like just posting quotes but it is something I’ve actually had to think about and speak and literally put into practice. I had to literally stand there and say, “OK EC. See the purpose, see the purpose.” Only when I did this did I begin to regain my strength and not sweat the small stuff.  And because I don’t believe in being this vulnerable publicly unless I have something to share that I learned, I decided to keep silent. Only now that I feel better could I blog about it because I have something to share that I hope will help you as much as it has helped me so here goes:

On Letting Go

Letting go is a process that was never intended for us to do all at once. Even when we have to cut people out of our lives we still hold them in our hearts. It is only little by little that we release them until they are no longer occupying the space in our minds and taking up our energy. So, if you are feeling somewhat discouraged because you are not completely healed I want you to know that you have not failed. You don’t have to get over it in one day because it’s not that simple. Just take it one day at a time. It’s not normal to slice off your arm or your legs and not feel pain. You’ve parted with something that was not just a part of you but that helped the rest of your body to function. To not bleed after this is not to be alive and you are not a zombie. You are human. And as human’s we cannot help but feel.

“Those mountains you are carrying you were only supposed to climb.”

– Najwa Zebian

Now that I am feeling better, I’ve decided my focus this year is on HEALING. Healing spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically, all areas. I no longer have the energy for negative vibes and I won’t fret the small stuff. New beginnings are here and NEW LEVELS are arriving. In short, my focus is on VIBRATING HIGHER and speaking POWER over my life. Some things I’ll be striving to implement:

  • Surround myself with those who want to be in my life without worrying about those who don’t want to be in my life. There will ALWAYS be those who are offended by your evolution. How do you respond? Keep growing.
  • Only use words that will help me to grow: I CAN. I WILL. I AM. I MUST. This is powerful, uplifting and empowering language. The more I infuse these words into my language and into my life, the more I take back control of how I feel.
  • Forgiveness is a personal revolution and breathtakingly liberating when implemented into our lives (because it is connected to love.) My first step in strengthening my levels of forgiveness is learning to forgive myself.
  • If people want to leave, I will peacefully let them go without feeling guilty. This means that if I reach out and I don’t feel it is warranted, I will pull back without fighting the vibe. I am not going to push if I feel my gesture isn’t wanted. People don’t have to tell us how they’re feeling, we can feel it if we’re paying attention. I am not talking metaphorically but for real feel it. In our body, in our hearts, and in our souls. And then, when you are no longer held captive to the opinions of men or scratching against the cage of their judgment, that is when you set yourself free.
This year it is all about my healing and everyone else who is willing to come along with me. No, this is NOT just about me! This is about you too. Self-love is a journey and road trips are always better with more people!

We CAN heal. We WILL heal. We MUST heal. We ARE healing.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
– Henry David Thoreau
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12 Life Lessons I Learned in 2017

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  • Growth is painful, uncomfortable, and frustrating. It reveals the raw and aching part of us and demands our masks to fall so that we may accept who we truly are and what truly is. This is unpleasant and frightening but necessary because, without this kind of mental and physical suffering, we cannot grow.

 

  • Deceit lies, and lack of proper communication can destroy any relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, how many secrets you’ve shared, how many deep conversations you’ve engaged in or how many tears you’ve shed, deception is a rotten fruit that contaminates weak foundations. No matter how embarrassing or silly, be upfront with the people you say that you love.

 

  • There is, sadly, a thing as being too nice. Energy is precious and we cannot risk being vulnerable to the first smile or positive comment that is thrown in our direction. Not in this world. While we can be positive examples, we must also accept that for some people it’s too late. They have been too far corrupted and will only trample our kindness and gossip about our weaknesses. Like the saying says, “Not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.” Discernment is key.

 

  • Let go of people who have let go of you. Do this without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or like you’ve done something wrong. Let go courageously. Without the need to explain yourself or to apologize for being misunderstood. People who have lied and betrayed you and left you out to rot will always make it seem that you are the person who is possessed and that you are the one who has done wrong. These are lies. In the words of Najwa Zebian, “shame lies on the person who takes advantage of a good heart.”

 

  • Laugh often and cry when necessary. Scream if you have to. Do not be ashamed. This is healing. Let the tears cleanse you.

 

  • It’s OK to be hurt, we’ve all been at some point, but don’t play the victim. Self-victimization paralyzes so that we have an excuse not to take responsibility for the lives that we live. We are always looking back on childhood, on past relationships and on failed circumstances as a crutch for why we are not the people we know that we should be. In the words of Pierre Jeanty, “When are you going to stop complaining about who you are now, because of who they were to you? You speak as an activist, yet live as a slave without a voice.” The past is our lesson. It is not our cage.

 

  • Do not work so hard to prove your sincerity. It will only come across as fake. There will always be people who do not accept you and to them, it does not matter how hard you try, you will never be enough. Forcing these people to understand you will do more harm than good. Don’t overdo it. Just be you.

 

  • Stop misinterpreting silence for whatever your imagination has made up. You don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives, why they have chosen not to respond or what circumstance held them up. Sometimes silence means people aren’t interested and that they don’t care but not all the time (though our doubt would have us to believe so.) Other times, silence means they don’t know how to respond or have not gotten around to it yet. Stop stressing over made-up mental scenarios.

 

  • Do not force locked doors to open. Sometimes it is just not the right time. If you break the door down, it will never be the same again. Remember the butterfly: If you force it out of its cocoon, it will never fly. It is not that this isn’t your door, it’s just not your time.

 

  • Do your own research and try things out for yourself. Experiment so that you know intimately what works and what does not work. Take risks and see what is legit and what is fabricated for yourself. Do this and you will not bend to every new opinion that surfaces.

 

  • Follow your own advice and show yourself the same love you so desperately seek from others. Give it to yourself first and then pour into the cups of those whose hearts are worthy. You are special so not everyone can receive what you have to give. Your love is not a game. Your love is a gift. Give it that distinction.

 

  • Never sacrifice your personal integrity for the sake of being “liked”. Don’t let people censor and edit your voice. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Walk away. Turn down whatever does not feel and taste and smell, like you.