90s Throwback Thursday Jams – Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up

Ya’ll know this was the jam, don’t front lol

 

Advertisements

8 Basic Tips for Social Media Etiquette

anete-lusina-609857-unsplash

On social media, everything is a part of your brand and is an extension of you. People don’t know you personally so all they have to work with is the vibes you give off. From the way that you send emails, your blog posts, your social media posts and newsletters, everything. What you publish reveals who you are and can tell people one or two things. Either you’re a nasty, disrespectful person or you’re a kind, respectful person. It doesn’t take much to show others respect and appreciation and it may also grant you a follower, or more, a supporter for life. Below are some basic actions we can implement to help to keep our respect levels at an all-time high.

Give Thanks

When someone reblogs or pingbacks on one of your posts, say thank you. It really just takes a second. Although the person probably didn’t share your post to look good, everyone likes to be appreciated. This same thing applies to any social media sharing. When others share your work, thank them. They didn’t have to do it.

Respond to Comments

When someone leaves a comment on your blog or social media in general, respond back. Let them know you see their support and you appreciate it. Remember, no one has to say anything to you so acknowledge those who do.

Use Names

It only takes a second to navigate to the person’s avatar and discover what their name is. You can see some people’s names with their comment profile but for some, you may have to visit their blog to see their real name. Taking a few seconds out of your day to go the extra mile is a form of respect. Using the person name also makes it more personable and shows you really mean it. It makes the other person feel good inside that you took the time to learn their name.

Follow their Blog, Twitter, IG, Like their FB pages, etc

If you really connect with someone, show that you are interested in learning more about them and their work by following their social media pages. You can learn a lot about a person, or at least glimpse who they are, by following them on social media.

Participate

How will we know you’re not just some robot follower or someone following to get a follow back? Through your level of participation. When following someone on social media, don’t just follow and become a ghost. Participate. Retweet their pinned tweet or something they are promoting. Thank them if they retweet something of yours and share their information with your audience as you would like them to do for you.  Like some of their Facebook posts. You don’t have to become a stalker but remember, actions speak louder than words. Show you’re a real person by genuinely participating.

Don’t Be Disrespectful

A wise person once said, don’t burn your bridges. I am sure we’ve all heard this before. The saying suggests that you never know who you will need later in life and where you will have to go so don’t cut off what could possibly connect you to something greater on the other side. Don’t burn down your bridge. Understand that there will be differences in opinions and it’s OK to disagree. In fact, I am all for being firm and standing your ground, but don’t allow someone to get you so upset that you are out of character and are being disrespectful in a way you can’t come back from.

Remember that people are not dumb. Even through texting and social media we can still tell when someone’s being “smart” and condescending. Using all caps, exclamation marks, and publishing blog posts indirectly talking to other bloggers are all signs that you are angry and will not be missed by your fellow peers. They may find this behavior childish and disrespectful and you could lose a good supporter forever. It is possible to disagree with someone and leave them with their dignity.

Ask Questions and Never Assume

We have a duty, especially on social media, to communicate our wants and needs with anyone we share personal space with. This includes blogging and social media. People’s lives are busy and you never know what someone is going through. If there’s something you don’t understand, something that needs clarity, or if you yourself want to clarify something, be sure to communicate effectively and ask questions when needed. Never,  make assumptions and be clear that you are dealing with 100% factual information. Anything that is spoken about in anger that is not reflective of the truth can turn potential clients / readers / supporters off. It means you didn’t even have the decency to verify your information before attacking them.

Always ask questions and never make assumptions. Also, if someone asks you a question, try your best to answer it. If you don’t know the answer swallow your pride and admit you don’t know (no one knows everything). But don’t leave the question hanging in the air. It could be read as a sign of disrespect.

Don’t Disrespect Your Spouse / Loved Ones on Social Media

The way you treat those closets to you speaks volumes about who you are. If you talk about your husband or wife in a way that is nasty it doesn’t just embarrass him/her, it also embarrasses you. It brings shame to your household and makes you look childish and unkind. Never, ever, disrespect the one you love in public either by revealing personal matters or cursing them out on social media. This is especially shameful if you’re a writer or businessperson. Who wants to support someone who demeans the people they love so effortlessly? Not me.

Be careful how you talk to people online. Emails, personal DMs and phone calls are ways you can reach out to people privately if you have  pressing issues. (These are also good ways to communicate if you see someone doing something wrong and feel they need correction. Sometimes people just need to be educated, not demeaned.) Respect starts at home. Give it to your household first and then give it to others.

 

What about you? Are there any other ways of being respectful in the blog / social media world we can add to this list?? Let me hear yours!

Self-love and Poetry Contest

I’ve been watching The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu. It’s slow, a little boring and I find the portrayal of submission and authority and the use of scripture to verify abuse offensive, filled with all of the stereotypes and misconceptions the world has taught in regard to a woman and man’s divine role. But, there is one perfect example in the series that illustrates why self-love is so important.

The TV show is based on the best-selling novel by Margaret Atwood and is set in Gilead, a totalitarian society in what used to be part of the United States. Gilead is ruled by a fundamentalist regime that treats women as property of the state and is faced with environmental disasters and a plummeting birth rate. In a desperate attempt to repopulate a devastated world, the few remaining fertile women are forced into sexual servitude. One of these women, June (Offred), is determined to survive the terrifying world she lives in, and find the daughter that was taken from her.

In the series, the Handmaid’s (whose purpose is to birth the children) are treated worse than the baby they carry. The society and the household only love the Handmaid’s to the extent that they love the child they are pregnant with. They treat the women like crap, like slaves and only extend kindness when they get pregnant. When the women get pregnant they are allowed privileges, mercy, and compassion. But only until after the baby is born, where they are to nurse the baby for a few months before turning the baby over to the wives. The women are then shipped off to another family, where their purpose is the same. Make babies for the barren wives of the wealthy families, to be loved only when they have conceived. But how can you love the baby but hate the mother who births the baby?

 

Self-love is important because you can only love others to the extent that you already love yourself.

When the wives of the wealthy men abuse their Handmaid’s, it’s because they hate themselves. They hate themselves for not being able to bear children. They only show love (if we can call it that) to the Handmaid’s when they love themselves and they only love themselves when they have conceived (through the handmaids) children.

Love Yourself. Know Yourself. Be Yourself.

Self-love is not being arrogant and prideful, it is not about the clothing you wear, not about how many likes and comments you get on a post, not about the amount of money you make or what you do for a living. Rather, self-love is a state of appreciation for yourself that grows from actions that support your physical, mental, professional, and spiritual growth. When Self-love is present, we begin to accept better our weaknesses as well as our strengths without thinking badly about ourselves. We are not easily provoked, popping off and cursing people out every time they say something bad about us. We have less of a need to explain our actions and decisions when we know who we are and what our intentions are. We are not quick to over-intellectualize our shortcomings in an effort to get people to understand us. We have more compassion for ourselves instead of beating ourselves down when we do something wrong and we are more centered in our life purpose and values.

Self-love also gives us the discipline to deny what we want for what we need. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

When we love ourselves, we expect more of ourselves and of the people around us. No longer does it become acceptable to treat us any differently than we would treat ourselves. When we love ourselves, we demand more and we give more. When we love ourselves, we become more productive professionally, spiritually, and physically. Our cup runs over and we are able to give more to others.

Self-love is important because you will otherwise hate others in the same way that you hate yourself…

…which leads to abuse. Abuse of your friendships, abuse of your relationships, abuse of your career, abuse of your children, abuse of your family. People who hate themselves destroy everyone and everything around them. In turn, they cope by deceiving themselves into thinking it is someone else fault. The truth is that relationships are two-sided. It is never 100% the other persons’ fault but each person has come with their own set of issues. But if you don’t love yourself, you’ll lack accountability for your actions. You’ll tend to always make other people the villain and you, always, the victim.

Remember, without love, knowledge is nothing. Without love, prophecy is nothing. Without love, the truth is nothing.

Now, Enter the 2nd Annual Poetry Contest before July 31st!

Win money. Win books. Get published. Get noticed.

The theme for this year is: Self-Love, Self-Care. Write a poem that talks about self-love or self-care in some way and email it to yecheilyah(at)yecheilyahysrayl(dot) com

Don’t forget to read the full rules and guidelines HERE to learn more about this year’s prizes and how to enter.

That’s it! 3poem max per poet. Enter BEFORE 12:00pm EST on July 31, 2018. Winners announced on August 22, 2018.

 

Cheap

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

You will not shy away from the sun. Your melanin is a gift, do not fear a darker complexion. You will not tuck your stomach in for pictures. Work it off or show it proudly. You will not hide your smile from laughter. Let the joy crawl its way out of your throat and seep its way from behind your teeth. You will not ignore your gut when it hurricanes its wrath. Listen to it moan of unpleasant vibes and wait for it to prophesy your next steps. Wear discernment like a cape and superwoman/man yourself to the next step. You will turn not a blind eye to boundaries transgressed. Let the world know when it’s in danger of tainting your integrity, of shattering your kindness, of disrespecting your soul. Do what makes you happy without regard to how that happiness looks to others. You are a diamond undiscovered, a masterpiece unknown, a treasure to be dug up and valued. A precious stone. You are a rarity, something to be searched for. Something to be honored. A bumblebee may be the smallest among the fly, but her honey is the sweetest thing. You will be honey. And you will treat others as you are. You will be to others as sweet as honey. A diamond undiscovered, a masterpiece, a treasure. Treat those who love you like treasures and turn away from those who do not. You will not be meat. You will not be snack. You will not be feasted upon by those without palettes and cannot taste. Do not rob yourself by forcing friendships. Do not force connections. Do not smother them into loving you. Love liberates. Love them into freedom. But do not lower the price of your worth. A mountain does not become small for those who refuse to climb. They will climb or they can remain on the ground. You are search-worthy.  Drink humility like water and taste its fruits on your tongue but do not clip your wings. Do not be cheap with yourself.

The Colors of Poetry

Photo by Craven Bing Jr. on Unsplash

dip me in chocolate-covered rhyme
like the color of my skin
a young woman once drowning now lives on the shores of truth
sweating similes from her pores
a fresh coat of passion that shines something like melanin
can I scorch you with radiance?
breathing inspiration like oxygen
singing compassion, smoking lyric
and sipping on rhythm slow like the stride of a black man
the crackling compasses beneath his footsteps
clutching couplets like purses confused
by the uncertainty of his smile
the sugarcoated twinkle in their eyes
or the question mark in her walk
her hips sway
like six children, no man, and give up
but I got this mouth full of simile
this fist full of irony
this metaphor-shaped voice in my throat
a delicate coating of poetry to wash away the broken
so let me cocoa butter your heart into the palms of my hands
be Vaseline to your ashy and together
we’ll bind the broken wings of peanut butter,
and vanilla
and milky way,
and dark-covered freedoms
like the colors of poetry
on my skin.