Tag: mental health

Born Worthy

You do not always have to be doing something. You were born worthy.

On Tuesday, May 26, 2026, I turned 39.

And unlike previous years, I didn’t post much about it.

Aside from my stories, I didn’t post the usual cute pic.

It wasn’t because I was sad or ungrateful. I just didn’t feel like it this year.

Where I am usually super excited and bubbly, my mood on my birthday this year was that of Proverbs 27:2, “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth–a stranger and not your own lips.”

This year, I didn’t feel like broadcasting the day of my birth. As much as I want people to remember me, I also want to let go of the need to control it.

If I were to be remembered, I want it to be a natural, organic occurrence, not a social media notification.

Strangely, I’ve had people say, “I didn’t get a notification.”

I thought it was weird their need to tell me they didn’t know because Facebook didn’t remind them. Just say you forgot, lol.

This further solidified for me why I was not motivated to post about it.

I like surprises and random acts of kindness I didn’t see coming. I don’t want to have to keep repeating the basics.

It reminded me of the quote floating around somewhere that says, “let people do what they want to do, so you can see what they’d rather do,” or some variation.

I prolly butchered that, but the overall point is to let people be themselves and allow their actions, not just their words, to reveal their true character.

I chose to let go of the need to control people’s remembering me, without holding it against those who did not.

In whatever circumstance, I have learned to be content.

These are the thoughts I am still mulling over, praying over, and meditating on in this final year of my 30s.

My key takeaway during these musings was to remember that whether I hosted a grand gesture or sat home in my pajamas eating my favorite snacks (and did), I am worthy regardless.

And so are you.

We do not have to be doing something to earn the title. We have inherit value and inherit dignity.

The 30s have been especially challenging, but I look forward to seeing what this year has to offer as I prepare for my ascension into the next phase of my life.

I cannot believe I will be 40 next year.

Do it hurt, ya’ll?

A Month and A Mirror

A hundred years ago, in 1926, Dr. Carter G. Woodson planted a small but deliberate marker in time—Negro History Week—never knowing it would one day swell into a month, a memory, a reckoning.

February has carried that weight ever since, in what is now known as Black History Month. It is a month crowded with remembrance, with names spoken loudly and moments replayed until they feel familiar.

But February also carries the ongoing debate over whether Black history should be relegated to a single month, primarily since Dr. Woodson himself never intended the week-long celebration to be permanent, let alone to encompass a whole month lasting 100 years.

For Woodson, he wanted Black history integrated into the mainstream curriculum, not restricted to a single week or, in our case, a single month.

For me, two things can be true.

If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know I spend 90% of my time reading, researching, documenting, and sharing Black historical facts year-round. Thus, I am for incorporating Black history into the mainstream curriculum and reducing its focus to a footnote or an elective.

But I do also love the idea of keeping it separate, special, and set apart, as we are.

Additionally, it’s a great time to promote reading. The harsh reality is that American reading levels are still declining. (2024 NAEP data show 12th-grade reading scores at their lowest level since 1992.) I’d bet that your average adult had not read a full-length book since High School, if even then.

Therefore, if February is a time when the minds of the people are not as distracted, then let us use it to do some good.

To quote Bob Marley, “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?”

So while Black History Month is not the movement itself, I do see it as a mirror history placed in our hands. When we look into it, we do not see the past frozen in black-and-white—we see ourselves.

Our language. Our resistance. Our contradictions.

The mirror does not lie.

It shows us who we’ve been bold enough to become and who we’ve been too afraid to remember.

Don’t forget we have Black History articles on this blog under Black History Fun Fact Friday and on Substack at substack.com@yecheilyah!

Slow Down: Why You Don’t Need to Rush the End of the Year

This is the time of year when many of us are inundated with a call to “finish the year strong.”

A time when we will be pressured by businesses, organizations, and entrepreneurial gurus to race to the finish line. Social media posts will bombard us with how many days of the year are left, year-end discounts, constant promotions, and posts about how much we’ve grown before the year is even over.

But rushing into the new year doesn’t guarantee a fresh start. Sometimes, it just carries our burnout into January.

Yes, we know. January is not the start of a New Year. Anyone who has done the tiniest bit of research knows that a real new year starts in the spring, when everything is reborn, not in the dead of winter. Stay with me tho.

We’ve all experienced or witnessed the last-minute scramble of trying to summarize the year without fully processing it: trying to complete a weight loss program, write a book, or achieve financial goals in just 10 days. Office parties, school events, family gatherings, all crammed together to see who can win the most before January first.

It can feel like we’re running from something. Perhaps a feeling of not having done “enough,” maybe comparison, and maybe the belief that value is measured by productivity.

It’s already happening with Black Friday sales. As you may have noticed, I rarely have one. I have nothing against them, and I am sure I’ll have something special in the future. Maybe even next year. But for now, it just all feels so exhausting.

I’M TIRED YA’LL.

If you are also tired, remember there is nothing wrong with slowing down at a time when everyone is speeding up. If you are a nature person like me, you know nothing blooms all year long. We were born from the Earth, yet we move opposite to it.

While humans rush to prove their year was meaningful to other flawed humans, nature is slowing down for the winter months. Animals are hibernating, finding ways to escape the cold, and trees have shed their leaves, with plants stopping growth to conserve energy. Even the soil rests, with nutrients being regenerated under frost and snow.

Meanwhile, my neighbor blows his leaves every morning. Poor thing. I want so badly to tell him they are just going to fall again. Let them leaves alone. They are doing what they are supposed to do and helping the soil in the process.

On this side of the Earth, humans accelerate and accomplish as much as possible before the final countdown. But for other living things?

For them, this is a period of rest and preparation for spring.

Slowing down isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about doing what matters with intention.

When we slow down, we reclaim time.

We notice the beauty in ordinary moments, and we greet the “new year” with clarity rather than exhaustion.

Instead of rushing to create a version of ourselves that looks good on paper, we can walk grounded, nourished, and whole.

The end of the year is not a deadline.

It’s a doorway.

Walk through it gently.

Community Can Be Healing

I spent the weekend before last wrapped in the embrace of family down in Shreveport and Keithville, Louisiana, and it felt like medicine. We rode horses, walked barefoot through the grass, played with dogs, danced like children to country songs (which was hilarious…them country songs a lil freaky, lol) chased chickens, and kissed the soft cheeks of babies.

Cheese!!

In a world that seems to be unraveling, it’s easy to feel unanchored. People are losing their jobs and struggling to pay bills, Medicaid and SNAP Benefits are in danger, and storms, floods, and earthquakes abound. In times like these, it is soothing to turn to community, and I mean real community. To remember what it’s like to be held, to look people in their eyes, to walk barefoot in the grass, and to laugh without looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next unprecedented moment to drop.

We are living in a time when the only time people travel is to work. (And yes, I consider curated events that cost rent and mortgage money to attend is also work.) Time in the country on the farm (which we visit at least once a year) was a reminder of what real rest is, what it feels like, and why it is necessary.

This little baby wasn’t scared at all, lol.

I don’t know what you’re going through in your personal life. I have no idea of the storms you are literally or mentally walking through, but I do know that resting inside the warmth of community, however that looks to you, can be incredibly helpful.

For me, it’s family time since most of us live in different states now. I am excited to spend time with my Chicago people at our annual family BBQ next month. We’re heading to a resort, and it’s going to be a blast, hunny.

We are not supposed to do life alone. Hyper individualism is not the way. This idea that we don’t need anyone is not the song we are supposed to be dancing to. People brag about not having family and friends, and I think that’s sad. No wonder so many people are depressed. 

Whatever embracing community looks like to you, let it be more than a workcation or business venture. Let it be a real coming together. More than that, let it be a balm.

A reminder that community doesn’t just soothe the wounds, but sometimes, it also helps to stop the bleeding.

The Fragility of Human Connections

I have witnessed friendships and relationships that bloomed beautifully only to die a harsh and painful death. I saw roses grow from cracks in concretes and then plucked prematurely by those who were supposed to water them. I have watched flowers starve and wings clipped. I have seen Kings slandered and soldiers slain symbolically, their characters lynched. I have observed how secrets spill into the streets when people no longer want to keep them. I have watched Queens shatter other Queens’ crowns instead of fixing them. I have seen people with tribes of men suddenly walking alone. I have witnessed safe spaces become hazard zones. Is it better to have connected and lost or not connected at all?

What would happen if this blog faded away into oblivion? Would it even make a sound?

Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict by KE Garland

Title: In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict

Author: KE Garland

Publisher: ‎ New Reads Publications

Published: September 26, 2023

Pages: 326

“I was nine years old when I figured out that if I squeezed my legs together hard enough, it would create the most electrifying pulsation, in the general area my mother, her mother, and her mother called our “killa cricket.”

-KE Garland

In Search of a Salve snatches us into the author’s world with the rawness of a Sister Souljah book. Like Winter Santiaga, KE Garland has no sugarcoated, watered-down stories to tell you.

Unlike Winter, Kathy’s story is no fairytale.

The author takes us through the series of tragic incidents that led to her preoccupation with sex, including child-on-child molestation, car accidents, and the death of her adoptive mother. Garland expertly reveals how she utilized sex as a salve for a wound she wasn’t completely aware even existed, leading her down a path of multiple sex partners and abortions.

However, don’t assume this book is about the author’s naughty antics. This memoir stands out because it doesn’t only list regrettable events and bad decisions. What’s important is the linkages between how trauma impacts the body, permeates the mind, and results in addiction.

“I didn’t cheat because I had a vanilla sex life. I cheated to escape the discomfort of trauma.”

-KE Garland

We learn how cognitive therapy helped the author to pay more attention to her thinking and the meaning of key terms like exhibitionism or the urge to show yourself to others in public. These explanations helped me better understand the author’s actions beyond the physical, such as the disconnect that exists when the mother-child bond is broken early in life, resulting in a dysregulated nervous system.

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“No oxytocin. No emotional bonding. No maternal attachment. Emotionally dysregulated….I began life, like most babies, listening for the sound of my mother’s voice and never found it, and I’d never stop longing for her.”

-KE Garland

This book prompted me to have more compassion for the lived experiences of people who struggle with addictions that society has deemed as nothing more than an immoral decision, but that is much more layered. As Garland searched for a salve, I, too, discovered insight into questions about my own trauma, belonging, and motherhood.

“I was motherless and it hurt whenever I didn’t have one to show up for me.”

-KE Garland

KE Garland courageously uses her story as a catalyst for further instruction about not only sex addiction but addiction in general.

In Search of a Salve will break your heart, pierce your soul, and then soothe you with knowledge about sex, trauma, despair, and the root of these behaviors beyond poor life decisions.

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Ratings:

  • Strong Introduction: 5/5
  • Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
  • Organization: 5/5
  • Thought Provoking: 5/5
  • Solid Conclusion: 5/5

Overall: 5/5

It’s Release Day!!

Grab Your Copy of In Search for a Salve Here

In Search of a Salve_Book_Cover

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*Books are read in the order they are received.

*The Review registry for 2023 is closed.