I’ve discovered the deaths of family members on social media from people who have my number.
I’ve watched loved ones be more open on Facebook than they are with the people they can reach out and touch.
I’ve watched passive aggression and sneak dissing become new forms of communication.
I’ve watched as people open themselves up online in unprecedented ways. I don’t judge them, but I do wonder, does this person have something to come home to?
In an age where it’s expected to parcel pieces of our souls to social media platforms in the name of vulnerability, I wonder if there is anything we still hold sacred.
Anything still holy?
Is there any part of ourselves we still keep personal? Intimate?
I wonder.
I am not a big Beyonce fan, but I agree that “we live in a world with few boundaries and a lot of access. There are so many internet therapists, comment critics, and experts with no expertise.”
For those who make a home on social media, I hope you are not giving it everything.
I hope there is still some things you keep to yourself for yourself.
I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but the world is so much better with you in it. So much more wise and so much more full. So much more flavorful. Has anyone ever told you how tasteless we’d be without you? Without seasoning. No salt. Bland. There is a power in your voice and in your breath that cannot be replicated. Your anointing simply cannot be copied.
I just thought you should know that.
That someone’s life is made better because you exist. I thought you should know how valuable you are and how empty the world would be without your influence. And when I talk about value, I am not talking about the fake social media kind where we post a thousand pictures of ourselves and brag about how personal the year is.
Nah.
I mean real value. The kind that makes you want to elevate your whole life.
I am not talking about a vibe. I am talking about a spiritual frequency.
And when you know your frequency (and I mean really know it), everything that touches you is also full of power. When you know your worth (and I mean really know it), you become fertile ground for precious new seeds to grow. You flourish and expand in every way.
“Sweet soul. Do not allow yourself to be treated less than sacredly. You may need to learn how to treat yourself sacredly along the way. Maybe no one in your family knew what sacredness looked like. Maybe each of you inherited desecration. Once you set a sacred standard, it does not matter how the world treats you. You will have your template, your expectation, your boundary. From this foundation, you can develop the muscles for letting go of what does not choose to or is not able to relate to you sacredly. You see? You are sacred because you are life. You do not have to earn your sacredness. You exist. Therefore, you are sacred.“
– Jaiyah John
This was the most beautiful message posted by Jaiyah John, and I had to share it for No Whining Wednesday. We had not had one in a while, and I’d love to get back into it.
What is NWW?
The No Whining Wednesday Badge
No Whining Wednesdays is a term coined by Iyanla Vanzant that I decided to adopt to practice the art of complaining less and being more grateful. It is the deliberate act of looking at the good before considering the bad. Incorporated into a blog series, this means that for the entire day on Wednesdays, we try not to:
– Whine
– Complain
– Criticize
Here are some definitions:
To Whine – give or make a long, high-pitched complaining cry or sound; to grumble, murmur or complain in a feeble way.
To Complain – express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event; state that one is suffering from; state of grievance.
To Criticize – indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way; to condemn, attack, discourage.
Now, I don’t believe there is no room for complaining. That wouldn’t be realistic. There are legitimate reasons to voice complaints and express grievances. This series is about being aware of the frequency to which we find ourselves complaining about things that, at a closer glance, do not deserve our energy or are not as monumental as they may seem. To quote Dr. Nicole LePera, it is a practice in emotional regulation, “having the skills to cope with negative emotions and process them in healthy ways.”
And to also refrain from criticizing others. While there might be room to complain, there is never a reason to condemn.
One of the biggest mistakes I made on my Authorprenur* journey was doing everything for free. Everything from book reviews to interviews to consults was free at one time. I gave everything away. I even taught people the steps needed to publish books on their own without them giving me a dime.
*A play on the word entrepreneur, an authorpreneur is an author who blends publishing books with business practices. These authors do not only write and publish books, but they build brands.
This might sound good. It might make your heart melt and make you shout “Halleluyah.” You might do a little praise dance for my commitment to service and admire my generous soul.
But you can save charity for your congregation and your nonprofit programs. This is not good for running a business because you train your audience to expect everything you do to be free.
This is what has happened to me.
Not only did doing everything for free teach my audience to expect free from me, but people also started taking advantage of me. They took the information I gave and tried to do it independently, so they didn’t have to pay for the service.
You also attract a low-paying tribe when you do everything for free.
Once you have set a foundation for giving your services away, it becomes difficult to start charging because you have already groomed and equipped people to expect this service to be free or extremely low-cost. It is much easier to charge your worth from the beginning.
If you struggle with this or are just starting, you can schedule your day like a workday and only accept work during your work hours. I work from 10a-4p on Fridays. This means anything after 4 is set up for the next workday, Monday at 9am EST.
Now that your day is scheduled, what can you fit in that time? Do you write? Blog? Create Social Media Content? Are you answering questions? Emails? If people are constantly asking you questions, set up a discovery call system and put a price tag on that.
And by questions I mean, like, if you have a skill. Don’t be charging people for stuff and you don’t know what you are doing or talking about. That’s called a scam.
I don’t get paid to blog in general. Like, I am not being paid to publish this post. However, I do charge for Book Reviews, and Author Interviews featured on this blog, something I was not doing initially. After noticing how much time it took me to schedule the interviews (it can take hours) and put together the book reviews (this can take weeks), I switched things up a bit.
When Authors pay for a review* or Interview, it gives me more incentive to follow through. It also ensures I prioritize that project (paid projects supersede free ones). I also charge because I pay for space on this blog. This means this blog is no longer something I do for fun. It is also now part of my business.
*Paid book reviews featured on this blog do not guarantee a positive review so no, authors are not paying me for a positive review. Blog book reviews are also not posted to Amazon as paid reviews are against Amazon’s policy.
It’s not even about the money. It is about putting value on your time.
Nowadays, saying you’re an entrepreneur can also mean unemployed, depending on who’s talking. The value has been cheapened by people chasing the next hustle. But a hustle is not a business.
The truth is if you are not charging for your work or constantly giving your books away for free, you do not have a business. You are either still hustling to see what will stick or have an expensive hobby.
Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday! Today, you cannot whine, criticize, or complain.
If you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the NWW page herefor past episodes.
I am aware there was no NWW episode last week. It is because I did not have a word to give. And I would rather say nothing than to speak just for the sake of speaking. In the words of Obbie West, the poet, “speaking just for the sake of speaking is the same as being silent.”
I almost didn’t post anything today either.
But as I thought about this series, why I created it, and why its existence is necessary, forcing things came to my mind.
We know we cannot force things to happen, but we try to anyway. It is like we are fascinated by the chase. When we cannot get what we want when we want it, we whine and complain because we feel we failed to make it happen.
We stress ourselves out over things we cannot control. We become upset that we cannot force it as much as we try.
It is not until we let go that things happen as they were always intended to. Ever noticed that it starts to move as soon as you forget about something?
Think about misplacing something. It can literally be right in your face as you tear the house apart. Only when you calm down, relax, and focus on something else that you see that thing sitting on the table.
You think, “How in the world did I miss this? I’ve looked at that table four times!”
Or did you?
You looked at the table, but did you see what was on it?
People are fascinated by my locs. They want to know what products I use, what my routine is, and how in the heck I got my hair to grow down my back.
These conversations are fun, especially for women. We get to giggle and be girly about products and things.
But the only honest answer to this question is nothing. I don’t do anything to my hair.
Of course, I wash it, oil it, and all that good stuff, but for the most part, I leave it alone, and it grows wildly.
Sometimes, you just need to leave that situation alone. Don’t complain about it, don’t stress about it. Don’t even think about it. Stop trying to force the revelations to come. What will be, will be.
Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday! Today, you cannot whine, criticize, or complain.
If you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the NWW page herefor past episodes.
Today’s inspiring word comes from Katerina Stoykova Klemer:
In my opinion, confidence is liking yourself. As simple as that may sound, the act of liking ourselves is not always easy. It means appreciating who we are as a person while being humble enough to know that we have strengths and weaknesses. I think low self-worth, however, is focusing only on our flaws and not liking anything about ourselves.
The tricky part is that arrogance is liking ourselves too, but it’s also thinking everyone else should like us. While humility makes us more empathetic to the struggles of others, arrogance makes us more judgemental.
That’s why this quote is so powerful to me, and honestly, I am still meditating on it. As someone who has struggled with low self-esteem, I am always thinking about ways to keep a good balance of confidence and humility.
It makes me think about this series because, in my experience, not being a complainer requires a level of humility. It takes humility to support other people, admit to our own flaws, and accept correction.
I also think of appreciation. When we appreciate something and allow that to show in our actions, we display a form of humility. I believe this makes us more grateful, secure, and less stressed.
If enduring struggle (in whatever form that may be) does not make us more appreciative, then I would predict we will continue to suffer until we have learned whatever lesson life is trying to teach us. Sometimes, by worrying and being anxious, we make situations worse.
Humility helps us surrender the need to control every outcome and strengthen our faith that things will work out as intended.
Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday! Today, you cannot whine, criticize, or complain.
If you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the NWW page herefor past episodes.
Today’s inspiring word comes from Michell C. Clark:
I needed to see this quote the other day as I found myself complaining more than usual. Wednesdays have gotten a lot more peaceful for me since I started this series, but I still complain on the other days like the rest of us humans.
The source of my complaint was about the struggle that comes with being a Self-Published author in today’s world. Being an independent artist, in general, is always a challenge. While it’s a challenge I chose to pursue, it does make me sad to struggle for exposure when authors published by traditional publishers release books to citywide book tours and New York Times Best Sellers list. Not to confuse my melancholy at these revelations for a desire to be traditionally published, though I see nothing wrong with it. I am just a woman hoping to make a difference with her work in a way that transcends social media.
“A lot of people won’t celebrate you until your wins feel “big” enough for them.”
I pondered the many ways we do this in society–from rushing out to buy a book recommended by Oprah to not supporting our friends’ “little” business until it becomes a “big” business. There are, sadly, tons of ways we ignore people because it doesn’t seem like what they are doing is a big deal.
“But you can celebrate yourself now. You can be proud of every step you take and every sacrifice you make.”
This is why I post about getting into bookstores and such. It is not to be braggadocious or even make it seem like I am “doing it big,” whatever that means. I do it because I learned years ago the importance of celebrating all wins, not just the ones deemed significant in the eyes of the world.
I have a hope that one day I will not have to count the stores housing my books because they will be everywhere. That vision starts with appreciating where it is now. I know Indie Authors want to be a #1 Amazon Best Seller, but I don’t care much about that. All this online stuff is cool, but I am striving to carve a space out in the real world too.
“And you won’t need other people’s applause to be proud of how far you’ve come.”
This part reminds me of the saying, “you have today what you once prayed for,” or something like that. I don’t remember exactly how it is worded, but it always brings me back. Not only is someone praying for the life you have now, but you once prayed for it too! Isn’t that amazing?
The more we learn to celebrate ourselves, the less discouraged we will be when others don’t see our value, and the less dependent we are on the need to have them acknowledge us.
Today, celebrate yourself. You deserve it even if no one else knows it but you.
PS. I celebrated myself by ordering an expensive Veggie Delight Burger I wouldn’t usually buy but that I had been lusting after for a while. Today, I decided I deserved it. The world will not end if I pay a few extra dollars to eat what I want.
I needed to see this quote the other day as I found myself complaining more than usual. Wednesdays have gotten a lot more peaceful for me since I started this series, but I still complain on the other days like the rest of us humans.
The PBS Blog 