Tag: criticism

No Whining Wednesday – We Haven’t Finished Yet

Happy Wednesday! Your favorite day of the week 🙂

If you’re new to this blog, learn more about No Whining Wednesday HERE.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge
The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s message came as I was frying chicken strips last night. I was also listening to some throwback jams (preparing for what to choose for tomorrow!) As I was listening I thought about the night before, where I re-watched some of The Five Heartbeats. For those of you who didn’t see my post last Friday, I quoted a line from a movie, well, it was a song and I asked you all if you knew what movie it was from. Since I got no responses I figure I’d tell ya. It was The Five Heartbeats and from the scene, everyone loves – The “We haven’t finished yet” scene. Long story short, I pulled it up on YouTube. As I listened again and again and again and….you get the point, I decided this would be a great inspiring video for No Whining Wednesday!

You’ve gotta listen to the lyrics as you’re listening. Today’s message is simple: You don’t have a reason to complain because you haven’t finished yet. You are still here and, as I always say, you’ve got something to do. Enjoy and remember, today is a day of peace, not war. When you find yourself getting upset focus on rooting yourself in this present moment and don’t forget to BREATHE.

FYI: The video quality is not great but it is the only version on YouTube that played the entire song. If it’s too low you will have to plug in your speakers or headphones but it should be good though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz9KKoxfL3M

No Whining Wednesday – Edit Your Life

Welcome back you Non-Whiners! Ya’ll know how we do this, if you’re new to this segment or this blog, please read the first post HERE. Our goal is not to whine, complain, or criticize on Wednesdays.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge
The No Whining Wednesday Badge

So far, we’ve pretty much covered complaining and whining but No Whining Wednesday also means no criticizing.

Criticize – indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way.

One thing about this is that it’s easy to see the faults in others. Even in writing it is difficult to see your own errors (i.e. the need of editors). Sometimes we need to apply this to life in general, that is, edit your life. “Your” being the key word here.

Criticism is sneaky and can roll off the tongue so easily. It can be done in many ways and even more so today than before since technology conceals much and through emojis and semicolons people roll their eyes and smack their lips. Speaking negatively under their breath while they throw up a smiley face.

If we really thought about it, we’d probably discover that we spend most of our day criticizing others.  We criticize the woman taking too long in the grocery line in front of us. We criticize the woman whose pants are too tight or shirt that exposes her breasts. We turn our lips up at the homeless man or the drunkard stumbling down the street. In our own thoughts, we do more criticizing than we’d admit outwardly and let’s not talk about writing! There’s a load of judgment here. The truth is that we can often see the splinter in the eyes of others but not the plank in our own. While we are pointing fingers, we tend to be far worse than the people we’re judging.

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

– Dale Carnegie

When I was in High School, there was the perception that the person who was the loudest and the most critical was the toughest and they often became the most popular. This perception could not have been any further from the truth. The person who talks a lot knows nothing. Likewise, the person who is so quick to judge others is a fool. Be not mistaken, it takes a strong person to be kind, gentle and forgiving in a hateful world. Seeking vengeance and refusing to forgive is just as cocky and critical as condemning someone for what they wear.

Today, focus on editing your own life before you point out so much as a missing hair from someone else’s.

No Whining Wednesday – Change Your Perspective

Welcome back to No Whinging Wednesday! The only day of the week where you do not get to whine, criticize, or complain. If you’re new to this, please check out post one HERE.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge
The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s quote and message of inspiration and encouragement is from Maya Angelou:

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”- Maya Angelou

Today, as we strive not to be complainers, try something new. Instead of lingering on the situation at hand, what if you changed the way you thought about it? What if you changed your perspective and perception of it? Perspective can be defined as:

a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view

I remember when my husband and I were newlyweds and when we first moved down to Louisiana. Having rented a house from our elderly cousin, the house itself was not something we would have chosen. It was old (very old, I think her and her father built it and she’s like 80) and we had to move her stuff out before we moved in. The house wouldn’t heat well so winters were brutal. We literally fought to make it a home and there was much to complain about. There was much we did complain about. It was a big move for us and we had to give away some of our belongings to fit in the tiny house (we were downsizing from a three bedroom, three bath, and full basement home in Chicago to a two bedroom, one bath house in the county. Yikes!)

However, we were on 40 acres of land, had a horse, chickens, dogs and a garden. We had peace there and ended up renting the place for five long years. Some of the most peaceful and exciting years of our lives. That house was so poor that many people still make fun of us for staying there and have called us names, but it was ours and we made it work. We learned a lot of life lessons with the physical and mental challenges living there produced, mainly how to struggle together as a couple. We had both struggled individually growing up but not as a team. We are now staying at a place under much better conditions. Because we accepted the little, we were blessed with more. Despite how it looked, we even shared our home with others, opening it to anyone who needed it and as we often look back, we are glad to have lived there.

When you find yourself down in the dumps, remember that sometimes it’s because of how you’re viewing it and that things could always be worse. Remember the story of the wealthy father and his son:

family-436831_1280-600x450
Image Credit: Pixababy

Story by Dan Asmussen:

“One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip. ‘It was great, Dad,’ the son replied. ‘Did you see how poor people can be?’ the father asked. ‘Oh Yeah,’ said the son.

So what did you learn from the trip?’ asked the father. The son answered, ‘I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.’

“‘We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.’”

“‘We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.’ The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, ‘It showed me just how poor we really are.’”

“Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don’t have. What is one person’s worthless object is another’s prize possession. It is all based on one’s perspective.  Sometimes it takes the perspective of a child to remind us what’s important.”

No Whining Wednesday – Complainers

“Tell me the alarm clock stole the keys to your smile, drove it to 7 am and the crash totaled your happiness. Tell me, tell me how blessed are we to have tragedies so small it can fit on the tips of our tongues.”

– Rudy Francisco

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. If you’re new to this blog, check out post one for more on what this segment is all about. Check it out HERE.

Today I have a special dose of inspiration for you complainers out there. Below is a poem by Rudy Fransisco, an excellent poet, on complaining. Enjoy. (If you’re in a country where this video does not show, you can search it on YouTube wherever you are. Search Complainers by Rudy Francisco.)

“It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full, there’s water in the cup, drink it.” – R.F.

No Whining Wednesday – Self-Pity

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesdays, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. New to NWW? Click Here for more information on what this segment is all about.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge
The No Whining Wednesday Badge

Today’s inspiring word is on self-pity. We all need to vent at some point in our lives, we need to communicate our feelings and let it all out sometimes. We all feel down, depressed, and out of it sometimes. However, at what point does this get out of hand? Today, try not to complain by staying away from feeling sorry for yourself. Some quotes to inspire you:

“In life, you can blame a lot of people and you can wallow in self-pity, or you can pick yourself up and say, ‘Listen, I have to be responsible for myself.”

– Howard Schultz

 

“I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”

– D.H. Lawrence

 

“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.”

– Helen Keller

 

“Self pity will destroy relationships, it’ll destroy anything that’s good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself.” -Stephen Fry

 

“Self pity becomes your oxygen. But you learned to breathe it without a gasp. So, nobody even notices you’re hurting.”

– Paul Monette

 

“He did not know how long it took, but later he looked back on this time of crying in the corner of the dark cave and thought of it as when he learned the most important rule of survival, which was that feeling sorry for yourself didn’t work. It wasn’t just that it was wrong to do, or that it was considered incorrect. It was more than that–it didn’t work.”―Gray Paulsen

Bad Reviews

Linda G. Hill over at Life In Progress opened an important discussion on Bad Book Reviews and since I happen to be patiently waiting for feedback myself, I thought I’d share my thoughts.

file(2)

First, let me just say that Linda’s dilemma is a very difficult position to be in and as such I think she handled it well. I’m going to try and respond from both perspectives since I too review books and I am also an Indie Author.

The Author

As an author, though there are tons of authors asking for reviews, this is a decision I take very seriously and I think others should too. When I ask people to “read my book free in exchange for an honest review” to me this means I am asking for their honest opinion. An opinion I think is much more valuable than the money they would otherwise pay to just read the book on their own time. When I ask for an “honest review” it means I want them to be respectful about it, but I also want them to be real. That said, I include in my correspondence emails that if the review is negative, for the reviewer to email me their criticisms personally. This is so I have the opportunity to see where I falter before the world does. If my book is that horrible, I want the chance to correct myself. This, I feel, is only natural. Even when you have an issue with someone in everyday life, you have a responsibility to alert that person first before anyone else. You don’t tell Sally, Laura, and John and you do not inadvertently third person Facebook, Twitter, or blog post them. No, you tell them. People aren’t stupid. They will know if your post is about them. So that is why I’d want the opportunity to know where I falter before being put on front street. Now, let’s flip the script.

The Reviewer

From a personal perspective, I do not care to write reviews on books I would rate at below a 3 (for Indie Authors) because I know how important of a consideration people take Book Reviews when deciding to purchase the book. I also know how damaging low ratings can be specifically for Indie Authors.  I prefer instead to message the author privately.

As a reviewer, I email my below 3 thoughts to the author personally (just as I’d want done to me) and I give them the opportunity to decide if they want me to continue on with the review and to publish it. Since I am providing an honest review, I refuse to rate and or post a good review for a not so good book. For this reason, I think personal outreach is the best option. Not only is it professional and respectful, but it is also what I would want someone to do for me.

How Bad is a Bad Review?

It really depends on how bad the review is and the buying habits of the reader. Not everyone will buy a book based on its reviews. I am a prime example of this. I paid no attention to reviews before I became an author. Prior to this, I read the descriptions of books and decided for myself if it was for me. You can say that I’m old school. If the book was bad it was just money burned but it wasn’t a grand deal. I suppose back then every book was a gamble: win some, lose some.

Today, I pay more attention to reviews (obviously) but I still do not always buy books this way. Meaning I am more likely to purchase a book from Amazon based on its description and preview (first few chapters) more so than the reviews. Why? Because in the end they are still others opinions and while everyone is entitled to their opinions my thought process may not be the same. Just because you disliked a book does not mean that I won’t love it. On the other hand, there’s Amazon.

Every good writer will get a low rating at some point, but too many low ratings and reviews can damage an Authors overall Amazon rating. While I do think Indie Authors need thick skin in this industry, as a reviewer I would consider the stigmas already imposed on Self-Publishing, my own thoughts as an Indie, and how ratings influence an authors account. As a result, I publish nothing lower than what I see as average, like a C which is a 3. Before, I wouldn’t even publish three’s but have recently decided to do so.

So How Important is a Book Review?

Book reviews are essential to Self-Publishing, specifically, because its the conversation about the book and the discussion it fosters that makes the review of such value. Traditional Publishing already has a head start. It is backed by big publishing houses with large teams. Indie Authors on the other hand have to garner attention and discussion about the book on his or her own–which can be done in many ways– but is largely done by way of the book review. Good or Bad. For me personally, there is a greater purpose the book review serves. While book reviews can increase sales, they can also be used in other ways.

Good book reviews for instance can be printed on promotional items or used to spark important conversations. Bad reviews on the other hand can help the author to grow in the areas where his  writing is weak. Who else is going to inform a Self-Published author (who has no large team of professionals) that they should tighten up than the compassionate book reviewer?

Final Thought

Bad reviews suck but as an Indie Author  I prepare myself for them because I am, after all, asking people for their honest opinion. While I am not so naive to think all negative feedback is warranted (some people are just not going to be interested in the story), criticism is part of growth and even best selling Traditional Authors whose work we know is top quality, even they receive negative feedback sometimes.

If you’re really serious about your writing, you will expect the good and the bad. Think of it this way: For most successful Traditionally Published authors, there is not the privilege of someone successfully reaching out to them personally and getting anything but their agent or whoever else checks their emails. For this reason, these authors get bad review publicity all the time. Sistah Souljah’s “A Deeper Love Inside” (sequel to “The Coldest Winter Ever”) has so many bad reviews I would just cry. The moral of the story is: don’t expect everyone to love you. No author has this privilege. Understand also that while valuable, book reviews is just one way people decide to buy books so one bad review doesn’t necessarily mean your career is over.

As reviewers, I think its important to highlight where we think the author has done well and then give constructive feedback to the author on that personal level and let them decide if they want it made public (just in case they want to take your advice and change something). Speaking of advice, I also think its important for reviewers to give feedback that will benefit the author. Don’t just say the book is bad (different ways to say this) but be sure to tell the author why. Be thorough in your analysis of someone’s work so that they can follow through and improve.

“The thing about a book (even yours) is that not everyone will love it. If you don’t believe me, look up your all-time favorite book on Goodreads or Amazon and check out the 1-star reviews. Those people hated the book you love.

When you get your first bad review, you will want to defend yourself and your work. Don’t. And don’t let Aunt Freda defend you, either. This will be hard, because it will seem like some of the reviewers either didn’t read—or skimmed—your book.

Remember why you write. Is it for praise? No, it’s because you love telling stories. So, tell them. If praise comes as a result, smile and strut around for a while. If not, consider whether there’s anything valuable in the critical reviews and then get back to your work-in-progress.”

– Julie Doherty

Self-Published Authors With Thin Skin

offended

You won’t make it. And no, I’m not saying that I have made it. It’s just that, well, if you have paper thin skin just stop right now. Do not pass go and do not collection $200.

I have a lot to work on as an Author but the only reason I know this is because of what others have told me, what I have learned about this field, and what I have accepted as flaws that must be pruned and tuned to become strengths. I noticed, while reading an article about negative reviews, that there is not enough attention paid to the dark side of self-publishing. That is, the negative feedback (and reviews) you get from those who (wait for it) thought your book sucked.

You are entering a world that is a lot different from other businesses. You can’t pick up a book and drink it or rub it into your skin. It’s not a collection of diamonds or a tasty meal that will satisfy your flesh. No, the book business is a lot different than selling soap. Books require more than money, but people must be willing to invest their time into a read and that’s only if they actually enjoy reading. Even if they enjoy reading, books require lots of attention. It’s not a disgusting vegetable drink you can gulp down quickly and complain about later. No, if a book is tasteless it will be promptly put down, rejected, and possibly never tended to again. There’s just way too much to do in a day.

As a Self-Publisher, you must prepare yourself for this rejection. It will hurt initially because let’s face it, your a genius. But, not everyone will see it this way and usually when you think something is brilliant chances are it’s not so in the eyes of others. It’s an interesting thing, the work I don’t think much about is what gets the most attention. The poems I write just because I felt like writing, where I was nonchalant in the process for lack of a better word, are the poems people love the most. It may have something to do with humility: the humble will be exalted and the exalted humbled. (As a rule of thumb, the greater you become, the more humility you should have) Work we think the world of may not be as we intended. I didn’t intend on writing a book when I wrote the first chapter to Stella, nor did I intend for Book #2 to do better than Book #1! That’s just the business. It surprises you like that. And you know what? I love it.

Add onto this the stigma (though significantly fading, so much so that I feel funny writing this) of Self-Publishing and Indie Authors in general. I’ve read some Traditionally Published books that sucked but the reality is that as a Self-Published Author you have to have a much thicker coating of skin. If you can’t take constructive criticism in your everyday life and you have plans to publish a book, you may want to get started on that. Taking criticism that is. I know I have talent as a writer but I am not naive. I know that not everyone is going to enjoy my work or see the message and I don’t expect them too. Truth is, I’m not trying to save the world and neither should you. I’m just trying to reach the remnant of the world that wants to be saved. For this reason, I expect some people to dislike my work. (The bible also says something about when everyone thinks well of you, careful, for so they did the false prophets. You don’t have to believe in the bible to consider the message in that).

I also know that not every review will be a positive one. This is actually not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. Its a good thing because without knowledge of your flaws you can’t improve. For instance: A reviewer once told me to watch my POV (point of view) when I’m writing. In my mind, I write as if a camera is floating the room. I see the book playing out in my mind like a movie and I move wherever the camera takes me. If I feel like speaking from the perspective of the roof that I’ll do. It didn’t occur to me that this surveillance comes across as very confusing to the reader. When I received this tip, I became more cautious of this and began to write so that it is clear to both myself and my readers. What I would do without that tip! Now, I make sure to keep the “camera” nice and steady. No more moving from the first person to the third person because it looks good in my head.

shocked

If you plan to Self-Publish a book you must first examine your heart. If there’s thin skin there you may want to trade it in for some course material. If you desire to become an author you have to have a certain endurance for negative attention, it comes along with the territory. I have people speak badly about me all the time and I’m not even talking about my writing! People are generally not very fond of me because while I strive to be gentle and display the same respect to all persons, I’m not going to give you deception. I have to tell you the truth or I would not be the person I am today. I would be a liar.

Be thick skinned about whatever criticism that takes place in your life whether that’s in regard to your books or whatever. Understand that everything you encounter in life is to mold and shape you into the individual you were meant to be from the very foundations of the world. It hurts, yes, but its all for the greater good. I am thankful, personally, for growing up the way I did. For knowing struggle and pain and deception and humiliation because what it has done for me is to allow me to bear the burden of whatever negative vibes come my way. Don’t like me? Great, stand in line with the rest of the people waiting for me to care. That’s not being arrogant that’s just being real. In the book publishing industry, pinch your skin first and make sure its thick enough.

(There’s a lyric to Maxwell’s song “Lifetime” I think is very interesting. As the song opens he says, “I was reborn when I was broken”. You gotta be broken down to be built up. Something to think about.)