Welcome back to another episode of No Whining Wednesday, the only day of the week where you do not get to whine, complain, or criticize. Now, if you are new to this blog or new to this segment please visit the first post HERE for more on what this post is all about.
“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”
– Steve Maraboli
What does it mean to be victorious to you? To me, it means to endure. We may have many trials and stumbling blocks but if we do not give up, then we reign victorious regardless of the situation. Here’s the thing about the victory I’d like you to take with you:
The victory will change from moment to moment just like our mood changes from moment to moment. Today the victory can be a job promotion, a new baby, a published book, or a family meeting. At these times we are excited and overwhelmed with joy. But, the victory doesn’t have to be so elaborate. What we count as the little things are also victories. Tomorrow, you may find it hard to get out of bed. But choosing not to give up you decide to at least take a shower. Then, you decide to at least eat something. These are victories. These are accomplishments. These are examples that you did not give up. It may not be as exciting as other things but it is still a victory. You aren’t defeated.
The victory won’t look exactly the same from day to day. It will change just as you change. Someone making you laugh when all you wanted to do was cry is a victory. With this understanding, you have (as the quote says) an entire history of victories. Every step is a victory. I’ll leave you with another quote:
“You were born a winner, a warrior…and now that you are a giant, why do you even doubt victory against smaller numbers and wider margins? The only walls that exist are those you have placed in your mind. And whatever obstacles you conceive, exist only because you have forgotten what you have already achieved.”
If you’ve been following me on social media you have already seen the photos of this weekend’s mixer. I had a good time, though I spent most of it being reserved. I mostly listened. There were many in the room who had achieved greatness and I just wanted to soak up their wisdom. I learned a lot that way too and was given some excellent advice. I did not take many pictures at all. Most of the pictures I have were taken by others. I have included a few pictures in this post but to view more pictures, CLICK HERE.
A Deeper Understanding of Self
I have learned that the way you feel about yourself influences everything around you both on and off the job. It influences the way you run your business, the way you interact in relationships, and what you choose to accept and not to accept. It controls how you speak up for yourself and how you handle disputes. How you feel about yourself is so powerful that it shapes every single decision you make from getting out of the bed in the morning to laying down in the evening. How you feel about yourself is important because it influences the choices that you make. People with high self-esteem are not people who have it together all the time or never have down and depressed moments. People with high-self-esteem are also not necessarily people who are loud and outspoken. Whether someone is quiet or outspoken should never be used as a measure for how they feel about themselves because some people are loud to cover up insecurities. And people with high self-esteem are also not arrogant and proud since love is also not arrogant and proud. Instead, people with high levels of self-esteem know that they are good people regardless of the circumstances. They have a deeply spiritual understanding of themselves because their self-perceived value of self is set high.
But, there is an issue that arises that comes along with the self-love journey that must be acknowledged. How high is too high to think of oneself? Is there such a thing as thinking too much of oneself? How do you find the balance between humility and confidence?
Narcissism is an extremely positive view of the self, combined with limited empathy for others.The difference between arrogance and confidence is an awareness of other people / the other person’s needs. That’s why I have always said that self-love gives you what you need for yourself so that you can be better for others. When you start to disregard other people’s feelings, thoughts, and perspectives you have crossed the line. It sounds simple, but it’s not so much. If you think about your everyday interactions, there is plenty of room for humility or cockiness. Will you choose to put your call on hold until after you have finished your exchange at the register? Will you move out of the way when someone says excuse me? Will you cover your mouth when you yawn or wait until someone finishes speaking before you speak? All of this requires some level of humility. The more self-aware you are (aware of your own emotions, feelings, and needs), the more aware you can be of how you are with others. The more aware you are of yourself, the more humble you become.
“If you wanna be a Michelle Obama, don’t get yourself a lil Wayne.”
Laughs followed this statement made by the financially successful women on the panel on how to improve finances. The point was clearly understood. Having nothing against lil Wayne, the advice was to make sure that you are with someone who can elevate you to where you want to go. Depending on your goals you may very well want to get a lil Wayne. You and he may be going to the same places. Maybe you want to change the world musically. But, if you want to be in the White House, figuratively speaking, lil Wayne is not going to get you there. If you want to be Michelle Obama, you need a Barack Obama. I am only interested in being a better EC, thank you. But the point is, in relationships, make sure that you are with someone who can help you to level up financially as well. Be with someone you can build something with together. I will tell you, I am good by myself, but boi am I a force when we’re together! You should not be unequally yoked by any means. Make sure that you are on one accord in everything that you do. Be with someone who can lead you somewhere in every aspect of your life.
I spoke to the audience briefly about my perspective on the circle. I challenged the idea that our circles should be small. On the surface, yes, that’s true. You don’t want to surround yourself with a whole bunch of fake people. But, what I explained was this: the size of the circle doesn’t matter. The quality of the people in the circle is what matters. I explained, that, you can have only two people in your circle or who you fellowship with and who you kick it with. But if these two people are both snakes you need another circle. People also do not fulfill the same roles and will thus add a different kind of value to your life. My husband is in my circle. He adds a value to my life that cannot be filled by anyone else, not even my mother. But my mother is also in my circle and she adds a value to my life that no one else can fulfill, not even my husband. My sisters are also in my circle and they have a role they fulfill as well. Everyone will bring something different. Professionally, there is a circle as well and your professional circle is different from your personal circle.
Professionally, I want a balanced circle, people I look up to who know more than me or who can teach me something new. I know that sounds odd, but that’s because we’ve learned, in this society, to hate each other. By surrounding myself with people who are more successful than me, I can learn how to perform on their level and beyond. I want to be around people I can learn from and look up to because it forces me to look up. Instead of being jealous of each other we should be learning from each other. As a reminder, the professional circle may not be the same as your personal circle. Your personal circle is what we usually think of when we speak of the circle but remember there are different kinds of circles.
There will always be people who look up to you but who do you look up to? Who is doing what you want to do one day professionally? Who can you align yourself with professionally, who can show you how to do what they do and to do it better? If you want to stop smoking what would be helpful to your life? Filling your circle with smokers who have no plan of action on how to quit or filling your circle with non-smokers whose non-smoking habits you can mimic? Which would help you to achieve your goal of not smoking? Common sense says the latter so why do we want to only be around people who are not where we want to be? What is at the core of us surrounding ourselves only with people who are at our levels or below our levels? Is it jealousy? Ego? Competition? Fear? It’s good for you to inspire others and to be a good example for others to learn from. That’s good. What’s also good is you having someone you can learn from as well. Seek to be informed and to inform, not just to inspire and be inspired.
Have you grabbed your copy of Even Salt Looks Like Sugar yet? Have you reviewed Even Salt Looks Like Sugar yet? What are you waiting for?? Grab your copy now and leave an honest review when you’ve finished reading! CLICK HERE.
I’m so excited to be a sponsor and to perform at the 4th Quarterly Settlefree Mixer with the Settlefree Coach Tinzley Bradford. To live Settle-Free means not to settle for anything less than you deserve whether that’s in relationships, friendships, finances or business partnerships.
Tinzley’s message goes hand in hand with my philosophy of self-love and why it’s so important. Why is it that no one has ever taught us the importance of loving ourselves? No wonder we don’t know how to love others and settle for anything regardless of how it impacts our mental, spiritual, emotional and yes, financial health.
Get your tickets to this dynamic event today. There will be food, vendors, settle-free tips, poetry, and more. If you’re in Atlanta this is the event to be this fall!
Yecheilyah (e-SEE-li-yah, affectionately nicknamed EC) is an Author, Blogger, and Poet and lives in Marietta, GA with her wonderful husband.
She has been writing poetry since she was twelve years old and joined the UMOJA Poetry Society in High School where she learned to perfect her craft.
In 2010, at 23 years-old, Yecheilyah published her first collection of poetry and in 2014, founded Literary Korner Publishing and The PBS blog where she enjoys helping other authors through her blog interviews and book reviews.
The PBS Blog has been named among Reedsy’s Best Book Review blogs of 2017 and 2018 and has helped many authors in their writing journey. I am Soul is her fourth collection of poetry.
First, congratulations to ALL of the poets who entered this year’s contest and to those who sent us the required information in case of a win! You certainly did not come to play! My judges and I have read and reread and read again! Some of your poems had us reading out loud and going over each line. Thank you so much for pouring out your heart and soul.
We have read EVERY single entry MORE than once!
We had not one, not two, but three sets of eyeballs on this thing!
The poems were so good that we are STILL choosing a few of the poems that didn’t place to feature in our debut online magazine!
How it Works
Tomorrow, August 23, 2018, we will profile our 4th place winner, Friday, our 3rd place, Saturday our 2nd place and then finally, Sunday AND Monday we will be featuring our Grand Prize Winner and learning more about the poet and the winning poem.
Below are the names of the winners and the names of their poems. Remember, over the next few days, we will be profiling each of them separately so make sure you are staying glued. You’ll learn more aboutthem and read their poems.
Our Runner-Ups will Receive:
Publication in our Magazine, Promotion on this Blog and SM, Special Author Spotlight
$50 Amazon Giftcard nested inside a specialty gift box, no fees, no expiration date, and redeemable towards millions of items storewide at Amazon.com
Signed paperback copy ofI am Soulpoetry book by Yecheilyah Ysrayl
1 Writing Custom Designed Journal and matching pen to encourage your writing journey!
Publication in our online Magazine
Publication and Promotion on this blog and SM, email list, and across social media
Special Individual Blog Promotion + Interview
ANOTHER DRUMM ROLL
OKAY OKAY! 🙂
*1st Place, Grand Prize Winner*
Jahkazia Richardson for
What If I Knew My Worth
CONGRATULATIONS ALL OF YOU!!
BUT WE ARE NOT DONE…
WE STILL HAVE A FEW POEMS THAT WILL MAKE IT INTO OUR MAGAZINE!
POEMS OUR JUDGES ALSO FOUND AMAZING:
S.R. Graham, Love in its Simplest Form
Olayemi Ifeoluwa, On Self-Love
Khaya Ronkainen, Running Brook
You will get to read their poems soon. Stay glued for details on the mag debut.
A Word from Yecheilyah…
I just want to say that I am so proud of these poets. It’s something refreshing and authentic about reading someone’s words and seeing the beauty of the person without having seen their faces or knowing much about their life. When we decided on the winners we didn’t know what these writers looked like or what their lives were like, just their words on the page. When their photos and bios came in it was heartwarming for me personally. We did not intend to choose all women for our finalists. We were so focused on the poems (they had us studying child!) that we didn’t stop to think about race or gender or any of that. Personally, I think that’s what I enjoyed the most about this contest. It was all about the heart and what spoke to the judges the most and I cannot wait until you get to read their poems! Here’s to many more contests to come. Let’s do it bigger next year! Yess.
I can’t leave without extending a special thank you to all of the women who made this contest possible: