When We Were Innocent

It took me a long time to realize Rick James Mary Jane song was about weed. For a long time, I thought Mary Jane was an actual woman he was in love with. Every time I heard the song I would smile, my heart melting at the sound of love. Even after watching the movie Friday, where there were obvious clues (such as the song being played as Smokey inhaled three joints at a time that day Craig got high for the first time), I still didn’t get it. After learning what the song was really about, I still liked it but it didn’t have the same happy feeling to it. I didn’t smoke weed so I couldn’t relate. I liked it better when I thought the song was about love.

I miss when we were innocent. Back before we really knew how messed up the world was. Back when the world was ours. Back when my Uncle told me and my siblings we couldn’t watch Bevis and Butthead. Back when the lyrics were still crafty enough to hide the “bad stuff” from the kids. When you didn’t know what the meanings behind the songs were, back when you had to be mature to know what it meant. I miss when we were innocent. Like before you really got to know someone. Back when you were besties just because. Back before we knew each other well enough to be aware of the other’s faults. When you meet someone for the first time there’s an innocence, a respect and a kindness you give because your mother taught you to be kind. As we get to know one another though, it seems like we are no longer as kind, as compassionate, or as merciful.

We take knowledge of the other person‘s mistakes as an invitation to pull back on the amount of love we give. And we do it in the cruelest way. We pull back without communication, without questions, and without checking to see if our assumptions were correct, we just leave. Abandon one another after realizing the other person was human. We didn’t do that kind of stuff as kids. We fought, argued and then invited our friends (the one we just argued with) over for dinner. We didn’t think they were possessed or insane or no longer worthy of our friendship. They disagreed with us but that didn’t mean we were enemies. We knew they were flawed, but that just made us love them better.

As you blog, not everyone will stick around. As people get to know you better, they will soon decide whether you are someone they want to keep up with. And that‘s not a bad thing entirely. People have a right to decide who they want to have around them. That’s life. People come and people go. Blogging is no different. This decision will come, either from you or from them. Somewhere along the lines, you’ll learn you either are or are no longer compatible.

If you‘re new to blogging you better take advantage of it. Those days of people being kind and generous and supportive and of you being loved on won‘t last long. Four and five years into this thing and you will look up to the faces of a completely new group of people, wondering where everyone has gone. This new group will love you now. Appreciate them for it. These are the childlike stages of blogging. The beginning of things, the freshness, the newness. These are the days when we are innocent.

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On Healing

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Wow. I miss you guys! Feel like I’ve been gone foreeverrr.

Briefly, I’ve been, admittedly, in a funk. Not all of the time. Being away from social media has definitely been productive for sure work wise. But personally, it’s like this year arrived and I suddenly felt extremely down, lonely and secretly, I wanted someone to reach out to me. I wanted to laugh and talk and hang out. I wanted to confide in someone who would understand and I needed a friend. I was listening to sad songs and everything yall. I mean, “Who can I run to when I need love?” Lol.

As I posted to my IG though, replacing “Why is this happening to me?” with “What is this trying to tell me?” has been a game changer. It’s not like just posting quotes but it is something I’ve actually had to think about and speak and literally put into practice. I had to literally stand there and say, “OK EC. See the purpose, see the purpose.” Only when I did this did I begin to regain my strength and not sweat the small stuff.  And because I don’t believe in being this vulnerable publicly unless I have something to share that I learned, I decided to keep silent. Only now that I feel better could I blog about it because I have something to share that I hope will help you as much as it has helped me so here goes:

On Letting Go

Letting go is a process that was never intended for us to do all at once. Even when we have to cut people out of our lives we still hold them in our hearts. It is only little by little that we release them until they are no longer occupying the space in our minds and taking up our energy. So, if you are feeling somewhat discouraged because you are not completely healed I want you to know that you have not failed. You don’t have to get over it in one day because it’s not that simple. Just take it one day at a time. It’s not normal to slice off your arm or your legs and not feel pain. You’ve parted with something that was not just a part of you but that helped the rest of your body to function. To not bleed after this is not to be alive and you are not a zombie. You are human. And as human’s we cannot help but feel.

“Those mountains you are carrying you were only supposed to climb.”

– Najwa Zebian

Now that I am feeling better, I’ve decided my focus this year is on HEALING. Healing spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically, all areas. I no longer have the energy for negative vibes and I won’t fret the small stuff. New beginnings are here and NEW LEVELS are arriving. In short, my focus is on VIBRATING HIGHER and speaking POWER over my life. Some things I’ll be striving to implement:

  • Surround myself with those who want to be in my life without worrying about those who don’t want to be in my life. There will ALWAYS be those who are offended by your evolution. How do you respond? Keep growing.
  • Only use words that will help me to grow: I CAN. I WILL. I AM. I MUST. This is powerful, uplifting and empowering language. The more I infuse these words into my language and into my life, the more I take back control of how I feel.
  • Forgiveness is a personal revolution and breathtakingly liberating when implemented into our lives (because it is connected to love.) My first step in strengthening my levels of forgiveness is learning to forgive myself.
  • If people want to leave, I will peacefully let them go without feeling guilty. This means that if I reach out and I don’t feel it is warranted, I will pull back without fighting the vibe. I am not going to push if I feel my gesture isn’t wanted. People don’t have to tell us how they’re feeling, we can feel it if we’re paying attention. I am not talking metaphorically but for real feel it. In our body, in our hearts, and in our souls. And then, when you are no longer held captive to the opinions of men or scratching against the cage of their judgment, that is when you set yourself free.
This year it is all about my healing and everyone else who is willing to come along with me. No, this is NOT just about me! This is about you too. Self-love is a journey and road trips are always better with more people!

We CAN heal. We WILL heal. We MUST heal. We ARE healing.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
– Henry David Thoreau
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Moments Become Memories

Don’t waste it today. Don’t waste your time or hold back your goodness. Do not withdraw your kindness or take for granted the gratitude you can gift to someone else. Gift someone today. Crown them with hope and courtesy. Who knows which of us will be called back to the dirt. Whose breath will leave their lungs to be stored away in the chamber where breaths are. Whose body will melt back into the dirt? Whose bones  will become the home of carcasses that roam the cemeteries? We are told to live every day like it is our last. But how? How do we take what is cliché and make it real? Think of moments. How they live for only seconds at a time. Think of pictures. How they capture those moments when they become memories. Don’t gamble with your life today. Enjoy the warm weather, accept the truth for what it is, and apologize. Apologize and forgive like a well of “I’m Sorry’s” that won’t run dry anytime soon. Be not held captive by anything or anyone. Do not enslave yourself to pain and emotion and sorrow. Always be forgiving. If only because it makes no sense to give us flowers when we’re gone. Do not weep for me, or throw arms around caskets that could have hugged my flesh when breath stopped the skin from melting back into the earth. Don’t waste it today. Don’t waste your time or hold back your goodness from those who need it. You don’t know if today is their day or if it is yours. Because moments only live for seconds at a time and soon they become memories.

No Whining Wednesday – Edit Your Life

Welcome back you Non-Whiners! Ya’ll know how we do this, if you’re new to this segment or this blog, please read the first post HERE. Our goal is not to whine, complain, or criticize on Wednesdays.

The No Whining Wednesday Badge
The No Whining Wednesday Badge

So far, we’ve pretty much covered complaining and whining but No Whining Wednesday also means no criticizing.

Criticize – indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way.

One thing about this is that it’s easy to see the faults in others. Even in writing it is difficult to see your own errors (i.e. the need of editors). Sometimes we need to apply this to life in general, that is, edit your life. “Your” being the key word here.

Criticism is sneaky and can roll off the tongue so easily. It can be done in many ways and even more so today than before since technology conceals much and through emojis and semicolons people roll their eyes and smack their lips. Speaking negatively under their breath while they throw up a smiley face.

If we really thought about it, we’d probably discover that we spend most of our day criticizing others.  We criticize the woman taking too long in the grocery line in front of us. We criticize the woman whose pants are too tight or shirt that exposes her breasts. We turn our lips up at the homeless man or the drunkard stumbling down the street. In our own thoughts, we do more criticizing than we’d admit outwardly and let’s not talk about writing! There’s a load of judgment here. The truth is that we can often see the splinter in the eyes of others but not the plank in our own. While we are pointing fingers, we tend to be far worse than the people we’re judging.

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

– Dale Carnegie

When I was in High School, there was the perception that the person who was the loudest and the most critical was the toughest and they often became the most popular. This perception could not have been any further from the truth. The person who talks a lot knows nothing. Likewise, the person who is so quick to judge others is a fool. Be not mistaken, it takes a strong person to be kind, gentle and forgiving in a hateful world. Seeking vengeance and refusing to forgive is just as cocky and critical as condemning someone for what they wear.

Today, focus on editing your own life before you point out so much as a missing hair from someone else’s.

Writer’s Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge – Strength

When I saw today’s theme, I was excited. I was excited because I have this graphic that’s just been sitting in my phone for about a week that I haven’t used.

Welcome back everyone to Writer’s Quote Wednesday (which I haven’t participated in for too long), hosted by Colleen of Silver Threading  and co-hosted by Ronovan of Ronovan Writes. Today’s theme is Strength and my quote is from an unknown source, I don’t know who wrote it, but it really uplifted me. I hope that it will do the same for you:

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I love this quote because to me, strength is endurance. Survival. It is moving forward without regard to struggle. Strength is the will power to choose to live through what could have killed you, emotionally, mentally, or physically. Some attributes of strength is forgiveness, and patience. I think these two things are necessary for anyone looking to tap into strength. Strength is being taken up by storms, but then afterward straightening your crown and moving forward.