Another Episode of The PBS Blog Podcast has been uploaded. Today we are talking the importance of extending love to people without an agenda. The inspiration came from a quote to which I don’t know the author but it goes: “People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help people to heal, then love them without an agenda.”
Check it out below and be sure to subscribe for episode updates (as I have no set schedule for this. While I’ll update this blog at the notice of new episodes, you may want to subscribe just to be sure you don’t miss any).
Episode 2 – Love without an Agenda
Welcome back you Non-Whiners! Ya’ll know how we do this, if you’re new to this segment or this blog, please read the first post HERE. Our goal is not to whine, complain, or criticize on Wednesdays.
The No Whining Wednesday Badge
So far, we’ve pretty much covered complaining and whining but No Whining Wednesday also means no criticizing.
Criticize – indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way.
One thing about this is that it’s easy to see the faults in others. Even in writing it is difficult to see your own errors (i.e. the need of editors). Sometimes we need to apply this to life in general, that is, edit your life. “Your” being the key word here.
Criticism is sneaky and can roll off the tongue so easily. It can be done in many ways and even more so today than before since technology conceals much and through emojis and semicolons people roll their eyes and smack their lips. Speaking negatively under their breath while they throw up a smiley face.
If we really thought about it, we’d probably discover that we spend most of our day criticizing others. We criticize the woman taking too long in the grocery line in front of us. We criticize the woman whose pants are too tight or shirt that exposes her breasts. We turn our lips up at the homeless man or the drunkard stumbling down the street. In our own thoughts, we do more criticizing than we’d admit outwardly and let’s not talk about writing! There’s a load of judgment here. The truth is that we can often see the splinter in the eyes of others but not the plank in our own. While we are pointing fingers, we tend to be far worse than the people we’re judging.
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
– Dale Carnegie
When I was in High School, there was the perception that the person who was the loudest and the most critical was the toughest and they often became the most popular. This perception could not have been any further from the truth. The person who talks a lot knows nothing. Likewise, the person who is so quick to judge others is a fool. Be not mistaken, it takes a strong person to be kind, gentle and forgiving in a hateful world. Seeking vengeance and refusing to forgive is just as cocky and critical as condemning someone for what they wear.
Today, focus on editing your own life before you point out so much as a missing hair from someone else’s.
The way you treat people is only partly for them, but mostly it’s for you. To bestowe mercy on others, to show love and compassion even to those who aren’t showing it toward you, this is for you. To not judge others harshly helps them sure, but ultimately you are made better and your growth increases. To be tolerant, and sympathetically aware of others feelings is to be understanding. We need more understanding and not fall victim to judging people without compassion because then we easily prove ourselves to be fools, and the same judgment we give, is what we will be given back. This is why it’s not just for others, but also for ourselves.
Sometimes you must step back and look at your actions as if stepping outside yourself. Stepping back and looking at the whole picture. Anyone can respect those who respect them but it takes a uniquely special individual to be kind even when other’s are not. It is not then just about how we treat those who are good to us, but also those who are not. This is what makes us special and sets us apart. What I’ve learned in life in general is to always be teachable. Not always teaching, but always teachable. You can’t think you just have it all together and be so quick to criticize and bash others. Just show love. Be merciful even when people may not deserve it, not necessarily for their sake but mostly for yourself.
We are officially done with summer (boo) and are entering the fall months. We are headed to what I like to call the darkest times of the year. I call it this because lots of negative energy is released around this time. Lots of stress, suicide rates climb, and people lose their minds. So, this is just a random Thursday word but, I’d like to remind you as we come into the later portion of the year that no one has an obligation to respond to negativity. There is no written rule that the loudest voice is the most courageous and I’d like everyone to remember that its OK to be cool, calm, and collected. Poised if you will. Balanced.
Being angry is easier than being kind. Anger requires little to no effort at all. Anger robs you not only of peace, but of physical and emotional energy. It is a sign of weakness and low self-esteem. It takes more self-control and self-discipline to be kind when others are being mean. It takes more strength to be still in the face of adversity, and to sit back and be silent when others are in confrontation. Kindness is a sign that someone has done a lot of work to improve their personal self and have come to great self-understanding, humility, and wisdom. Learn and practice being the kind, centered version of yourself. This is the most inspiring and productive person.
I did not intend on writing another post this year. I am preparing for travel this week and getting into major promotion mode for the third installment of The Stella Trilogy. That is until I checked my email and thought, what better way to end the year than to be nominated for your 10th Blog Award?
The funny thing is that I was contemplating whether or not to go on and participate in Blog Awards in 2016. Rarely if ever do I obey the rules and they do take up a bit of time. However, when Kenyc (Ken-niece) McCoy of Soprano Musings nominated me for The Sunshine Blog Award, I remembered how timely these things always are and that maybe I can keep them going for a little while longer but we will have to see. Blog Awards do tend to keep me aware of where I stand with my followers which I think is very important. If nothing else, it is always such great timing when fellow bloggers nominate us (Us as in “The PBS Blog” so yes, that includes you). Just when I wonder what to write about next, if the posts are worth it, or if anyone is really paying attention, it is at these moments when someone comes through with a Blog Award. I take it as a personal reminder that it is not all in vain.
So I just want to give a big thank you to Kenyc for nominating this blog for The Sunshine Blog Award!
7 Facts About Myself:
I feel like I’ve been through this sooo many times that this time around I decided to go a little more in depth about some facts about me:
- I don’t celebrate holidays and ask to respectfully be excluded from any happy holiday wishes
- Though my career of choice require I do a lot of public speaking, I am actually very introverted at heart.
- I am very passionate about the state of Black America, its history, and culture
- I have been known to behave beyond my age so its no surprise that my husband is nine years older than I am
- I won my first poetry award when I was a freshman in High School and wrote plays performed by my High School for three years
- People who don’t know me tend to think that I am mean. That’s because I can be forthcoming in my verbal delivery. Though it is never my intent to be offensive, I will never sugar coat the truth and try my best to keep it real with everyone, giving to each the same measure of respect
- I would really like to visit Germany one day!
“Being good to myself allows me to be good to others. I can’t neglect myself and expect to be of service to anyone.”
I saw this quote on twitter a couple weeks ago and its sooo true. Always remember to be good to yourself so you can be a light to others. Sometimes you just have to be a little bit selfish and it’s nothing to feel guilty about. A little neglect ain’t never hurt nobody lol. If you neglect yourself however, you can never be there to help others. How you care for your own needs and tend to the perpetual refreshening of your own mind will determine if you have what it takes to spark a revolution in others. In the words of Maya Angelou, “be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt”. How can you love me if you don’t love yourself first? Growth is the key and love is always the drive.