31 Years, 31 Life Lessons

Me having fun in Raleigh North Carolina #Travels

I am officially on vacation. This means that I am doing my favorite thing: traveling. I had a ball in North Carolina and my next stop is Alabama to visit the Legacy Museum: From Enslavement to Mass Incarceration. I also just had a birthday. Since I turned 31, I thought of 31 life lessons I’ve learned to date. Some of them I am still working on (like my patience) but they are lessons life has taught me were important nonetheless:

  1. Always put Yah and Yahoshua first. YAH is faithful. He can and he will.
  2. Be yourself. People don’t have to like you and you don’t have to care.
  3.  If it doesn’t feel right that’s because it’s not right.
  4. Remember, the more you know, the less you speak. Sometimes the loudest one in the room is also the weakest one in the room.
  5. Watch everything. Let nothing go over your head. Listen to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Hear everything people don’t say in words.
  6. Establish boundaries, let people know what those boundaries are and remind them when they have transgressed them.
  7. No is a complete sentence. You are allowed to turn down a commitment without feeling guilty about it.
  8. Marriage is sacred. Protect it. Remember that everything doesn’t belong on social media. Learn to experience something beautiful and tell no one.
  9. New beginnings. It’s never too late to begin again.
  10. Love all. Trust few.
  11. Be patient with yourself.
  12. Call your mother. You only get one.
  13. Pay attention to yourself. Your actions reveal your heart.
  14. Speak up. People don’t know how to love you if you don’t show them. If something irritates or annoys you, say it.
  15. Never sacrifice your integrity no matter how enticing the opportunity.
  16. Don’t chase people. If someone wants to be in your life, you’ll know.
  17. Because of the increase in lawlessness, the love of the world has grown cold so be kind, be gentle, be considerate.
  18. Karma is a real thing. If you don’t want it to happen to you, don’t do it to others.
  19. Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickle.” < See how this statement makes no sense? Just because something sounds deep, doesn’t mean that it is.
  20. Be a fool for no one.
  21. Friendships are sacred. Don’t go around calling everyone you friend or sister. Make them prove it.
  22. Remember to check on your strong friends.
  23. Assume nothing. Validate everything.
  24. Laugh. Let joy rub off on you. One day you won’t have the privilege of being in a good mood. One day things won’t be so joyous and you’ll just have the memories of when they were.
  25. Make memories.
  26. Don’t ever look down on someone for not knowing what you know. There was a time when you didn’t know either.
  27. You don’t know what you don’t know.
  28. Spend time alone. Get to know yourself.
  29. Be willing to walk alone, than with a thousand snakes.
  30. Remember the homeless as if chained to them. Let their condition be a reminder of your humility. Your life could always be worse.
  31. Remember that there is a way of correcting people without telling the whole world. Educate, but do not make people feel less than they are. Even if someone is wrong, give them the tools they need to be successful but leave them with their dignity.

Introduce Yourself: Introducing Guest Author Mamello Mosiana

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Today I’d like to extend a warm welcome to Mamello Mosiana. Welcome to The PBS Blog! Let’s get started.


What is your name and where are you from?

My name is Mamello Mosiana, I am from South Africa, originally from Bloemfontein, but I spent most of my adulthood in Cape Town.

South Africa in the house! What would your perfect writing / reading room look like?

My perfect writing/reading room would have large windows that almost take up the entire side of one wall, outside that window would be an overgrown garden. The room itself would also feel like a garden, filled with pot plants and flower pots. In the corner of the room instead of a desk would be a large cushiony futon, where I would work, since I find it hard to write at a desk. On the other side of the room, overlooking the window would be a meditation space enveloped in a circle of fragrant candles. The room would also have a light whiff of incense whipping through the air.

Nice. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

Personally, the most amazing adventure for me would be to travel by myself around the world, with nothing but one small backpack. Since I have difficulty letting go of stuff and packing light, the adventure, would probably begin with me, just trying to decide what will go into the bag.

Lol. What songs have you completely memorized?

I am a big Bob Marley fan, so I have mostly memorised his music, more by repetitive listening than any true attempts to memorise his lyrics. My favourites are: “Redemption Song”, “Concrete Jungle”, “Corner Stone”, “No Water”, “Stir It Up”, “Crazy Baldheads” and “Kaya”.

I LOVE Redemption Song! Does blogging help you to write?

Yes, blogging does help me to write, I have learnt a lot about writing succinctly and moreover, blogging has taught me a lot about myself. Since in my academic writing I am prone to distance myself from my subjects, blogging has really allowed me to interrogate what makes me, me. It is also through blogging, that I found my writing style.

Let’s switch it up a bit. What’s family life like for you, single or married?

Yes, I am single, at this point willingly taking a break from romantic relationships. I do not think I would like to be married, ever since I was a child, I have found I always preferred my own company. Even in relationships, I have found that I often seek out my own space.

Mamello, what takes up too much of your time?

Day-dreaming. I spend half my day just daydreaming, while it helps with the creative process, it also means that I sometimes miss the things going on around me and have little time for the things I have to do.

Are you political?

Yes, I am political. I do not believe that anyone is truly apolitical. Our personal life choices, though they might seem like minutiae have political, economic and societal impacts. Most of those life choices, have been pre-empted by politicians, or are regulated by policy-making spaces. “The personal is political, and the political is personal”.

Why is writing important to you?

Writing helps me process a lot of my feelings. I have found that it has helped me heal parts of myself that I did not know needed healing. Writing also helps me make sense of the world around and has given me a safe space to vent, cry and process.

What’s your favorite food?

My favourite food is hot chicken wings. If hot wings are on a menu, I am ordering them! I am in an endless pursuit to find the hottest and thus best chicken wings.

You making me hungry over here!

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Thank you Mamello for spending this time with us. We enjoyed you!


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Bio.

Mamello Mosiana, is a second-time Masters student, blogger and in the process of writing her first collection of poems. Mamello is from Cape Town, South Africa, however she currently lives in London, England. She has worked in the field of Transitional Justice and Conflict Resolution. She is passionate about the redress of Gender-based violence and racial inequality in South Africa. Mamello would describe herself as a black radical feminist and consummate day-dreamer.

The Afroist Blog:  https://theafroist.wordpress.com/

Instagram: (handles @theafroistblog/ @afrotudist)

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Twitter: Handle (@theafroistblog)

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Are you an author? Looking for more exposure? Learn more about my Introduce Yourself Feature HERE!

Inspiring Dr. Chadwick Boseman Howard University Quotes

Actor Chadwick Boseman addresses the 150th commencement ceremony at Howard University in Washington, U.S. May 12, 2018. REUTERS/Eric Thayer

Just a little inspiration for you beautiful people out there.

“Purpose crosses disciplines. Purpose is an essential element of you. Your very existence is wrapped up in the things you are here to fulfill. The struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose.”

“Sometimes you need to get knocked down to understand what your fight is.”

“Savor the taste of your triumphs today. Don’t just swallow the moment whole without digesting what has actually happened here.”

“When God has something for you it doesn’t matter who stands against it.”

“When experiencing a long climb one often experiences dizziness, disorientation, and shortness of breath due to the high altitude. But once you’ve become accustomed to the climb your mind opens up to the tranquility of the triumph.”

“Sometimes you need to feel the pain and sting of defeat to activate the real passion and purpose that God predestined inside of you.”

– Dr. Chadwick Boseman

Throwback Thursday Jam 00s- Hinda Hicks – Our Destiny

I love this song. The lyrics are beautiful. I love music. When I am music I am ocean. I am sea. I am one racing body of water. I am tucked between the words and feeling every psalm with my soul. This is that kind of song.

No Whining Wednesday – Don’t Leave Yourself Behind

Welcome back to No Whining Wednesday! It’s been a minute since our last one so I am excited to be back. If you are new to this blog or new to this segment, please refer to the original post HERE. In brief, this is the day of the week when we do not whine, complain, or criticize. How have you done so far? You know us. We complain before getting out of the bed!

The No Whining Wednesday Badge

 

How often do we attribute complaints to others? Probably about 95% of the time. Someone is always doing something to us, offending us or thinking badly of us in some way. But is it always others or is it us?

The truth is that it’s easier to think more about others than we do about ourselves and let’s face it, that’s a good thing on the surface. You don’t want to be a “lover of self” (2Tim 3:2). But balance is important in every aspect of our lives. It’s important to be there for others but it’s not cool to leave ourselves behind. I’ve learned that complaints are rooted in some form of unhappiness within ourselves. We aren’t the weight we want to be, we aren’t fulfilled at our jobs and relationships, and we are just not happy with ourselves in some capacity.

“As perfectionists, we tend to own other people’s problems. We tend to be fixers and doers. We are attracted to those that need help because of the accomplishment that we feel from helping others. This co-dependent behavior is unhealthy, and often leads to our own unhappiness.” – Source: http://imperfectionistblog.com/2015/04/be-there-for-others-but-never-leave-yourself-behind/

When you are not happy with yourself, everything annoys you and you complain more. The truth is like Dr. Phil said, we can’t control others. We can influence them. We can motivate them. We can inspire them, but we cannot control them. The only people we can control is our own selves. Spend some time with yourself and discover what it is about you that will make you happier and more fulfilled. Take some time to be a little bit selfish. I admit I have been. I have not written many reviews this year and I have not been as supportive as I know that I should. This is not because I have not wanted to. This is because I went through some hurtful things and I needed to make sure that I was good too (without projecting that onto you). I needed to refuel myself and do things that made me happy so that I can be there for others. I needed to take my own advice and keep myself just as full as I was keeping others. I needed to do this because being there for others without being there for myself meant leaving myself behind and leaving myself empty. And when you’re empty, what can you give? Only after you have dealt with you can you sincerely help others.

4 Lessons I Learned from the Movie American Gangster

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American Gangster is based on the true story of real-life drug kingpin Frank Lucas, who, by the 1960s, constructed an international drug ring that spanned from New York to Southeast Asia. The film features Denzel Washington as Lucas and a New York City cop (Russell Crowe) who busted a big-time heroin ring.

I have a love-hate relationship with this movie. I love the many lessons the movie provides but dislike how the message can be perceived. The movie can easily cause young people to admire drug dealing. Frank takes care of his family, runs the show, and even works with the cop to lessen his sentence at the end.

However, if we can get past the drug part, there are many good and bad lessons throughout the film. A young person with the proper guidance can also easily see how this life only leads to one of three places: Death, jail, or that old drunk on the corner at fifty telling the teenagers how you used to run the block as you beg them for some change. There is no in-between. Drug dealers don’t get pensions.

Lesson #1: Influence Can Be Good and Bad

“I want what you got Uncle Frank. I wanna be you.”

In the film, Frank’s nephew, Stevie Lucas, is an excellent baseball player who has played since childhood. Now, at the prominent financial level to do so, Frank schedules a meeting for his nephew Stevie (T.I.) with the Dodgers. This is an amazing opportunity for Stevie to fulfill his dream of playing baseball, but he does not show up for the meeting. Even worse, he doesn’t want to play baseball anymore. Now that he is a part of his Uncle’s multimillion-dollar drug enterprise, he desires to be a drug kingpin just like Frank.

In an age where people can choose to become social media influencers, it often gets underscored that being influential is not only about persuading people to do the right things. Being an influencer can also mean influencing people to do wrong morally or in a way that dramatically changes their lives for the worse. Influence is also not only verbal. You don’t have to say a word to influence someone to do something; your actions alone are enough.

“You know Frank, quitting while you are ahead is not the same as quitting.”

Another example of using influence negatively is Frank moving his entire family to New York to participate in his drug enterprise.

Social influence occurs when someone’s emotions, opinions, or behaviors are affected by others.

Frank played a significant role in his brothers lives. You can tell (at least in the movie) that they looked up to him and already admired him. Frank did not have to travel to North Carolina and recruit them into his drug empire. He already had their love. However, Frank used his influence to charm his country family to come to the city and become part of his drug business, directly or indirectly. Frank is responsible for his part in taking advantage of his brother’s innocence. Even his mother in the film said: “If you were a preacher, they would have all been preachers.” They would have followed their big brother anywhere. We all have people who watch and look up to us, even if we don’t know it. Frank could have used his money to invest in legitimate companies for his brothers, leaving them out of his shenanigans and out of jail.

Lesson #2: Say Less and Follow Your Own Advice

“The loudest one in the room, is the weakest one in the room.”

Nicky Barnes, one of the biggest heroin dealers, was known by the New York Times as “Mister Untouchable” because the cops couldn’t touch him. He was also known for his arrogant demeanor and flashy dress. When Frank’s brother Huey adopts the same colorful look, Frank gives his brother some critical advice: “The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.”

The quote is self-explanatory and goes hand in hand with other quotes like, “The more you talk, the less you know.” It speaks to how, when people talk a lot, it is usually nothing but talk.

However, another lesson the movie shows from the quote is how we should follow our advice. Later in the film, when his wife buys him expensive fur, Frank wears it to the Ali/Fraizer fight, causing him to stick out like a sore thumb among his peers, many of them fellow drug kingpins and some cops.

The same “clown suit” he warned his brother not to wear he was now symbolically wearing with that loud fur coat. It is the same coat that made the police take notice and pay attention to him. From this one mistake, they learned of Frank’s every move.

Lesson #3: Be the CEO of Your Life / The Business Mind

“Nobody owns me though. That’s ’cause I own my own company and my company sells a product that’s better than the competition, at a price that’s lower than the competition.”

We have already established that selling drugs only leads to a future of death and despair, so this point doesn’t justify Lucas’s actions. However, despite the kind of business he ran, people with a business mind can still learn from the movie. You can learn a lesson from anything if you pay enough attention to it.

One of Frank’s many experiences had to do with launching a new product that was cheap but still held quality. In the 1970s, heroin was often diluted with sugars, chalk, flour, or powdered milk to stretch it so addicts understood that the drug would have a lower potency. Frank stepped outside of this established heroin supply chain by cutting out the middleman and not diluting the heroine.

To create his one-of-a-kind product, Frank went directly to the source, a heroin producer in Saigon, Vietnam. In the movie, Frank didn’t dilute his heroin, which made it more potent. He also sold the undiluted, more powerful drug at a lower price.

The lesson is not that you should run your own drug empire. The lesson is that when building a business, you sometimes have to step outside your comfort zone and take risks to reach new levels. It also speaks to the power of authenticity. You don’t have to dilute your self-worth to be accepted. Give people the raw, unadulterated you; it will be more powerful than any filter you could have come up with.

Lesson #4: Not Everything Is As It Seems

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Finally, I learned not to believe everything I see. Upon researching the film, I learned that much of the movie is made up to achieve the dramatic effect that movies do. Denzel is an even more exaggerated version of what the real Frank Lucas was like.

In real life, Frank Lucas was also not Bumpy Johnson’s driver for fifteen years, and he was not with Bumpy when he died. The real Frank also diluted his heroin, though not as much as other dealers. Frank also collected numerous mink and chinchillas aside from the one his wife bought him and was just as flashy as Nicky Barnes. This is partly why undercover cops could catch him with the fur on because he wore them. Denzel Washington’s version in the movie is also much wiser and more strategic than Frank, who is rumored to have been illiterate.

The persona of the cop, Richie Roberts, was also exaggerated in the movie. Roberts did not have a child and was not in a custody battle with his ex-wife. He also had a much smaller role in capturing Frank Lucas.

As I’ve said since starting this post, selling drugs is never something to aspire to, and the lessons I learned in the movie should not be perceived as implying that I advocate selling drugs. This last lesson proves that what young people see on TV is not always true. People are looking up to a Frank Lucas who did not exist in the same way he is portrayed on film.

The movie’s role is to entertain, even if that means embellishing a character’s role. If you are a young person reading this, don’t believe everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar, and spoiled milk is still white.