Tag: positivity

5 Reasons We Doubt (And Why We Shouldn’t)

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  1. Belief – We have no faith. Period. We invest more in our problems than we do in possibilities. We spend more time thinking about the bad stuff before the good stuff which ultimately leads to stress. In addition, our unbelief tends to lead us to wait until we get what we want before having joy. Why do you have to wait until you get the job to appreciate the job? Why wait until you are acknowledged for a skill to nurture or appreciate the skill? We wait when we should rejoice on the way. Rejoice during the journey, not just afterward.
  1. Fear – Fear is the biggest reason for doubting because there is no fear in faith. Our fears vary. Could be the fear of rejection from others or a fear of failure. In any event, it is not something that we so easily notice or that we even care to admit to but it’s there. At the root of not doing our best is the fear of something. I remember when I was a little girl and I got into this fight. I hurt this person so badly that I didn’t want to fight anymore. I literally restrained myself from it. I didn’t take up for myself sometimes. I let people pick on me, and push me around.

My secret wasn’t that I was afraid to fight. My secret was that I was afraid of my own strength. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I was afraid that I’d do just that. Sometimes our fears are not because we know that we will fail (although that too), but that we will succeed and what that will mean for our future, for with great authority comes greater responsibility. What will it mean for us to be who we were ordained to be? For many of us, the answer’s a frightening one. But look at it this way: You cannot turn a light on and off simultaneously. You have to either have the light turned on or turned off because light and dark cannot coexist. Likewise, fear and faith cannot coexist. You will either be fearless or you’ll always be afraid. Afraid of what others will say. Afraid of what others will think, and afraid of how your light will make others feel. That’s a terrible way to live.

  1. Disagreements – Also known as criticisms, one major cause of doubts comes from disagreements among others. Who remembers the Ach Conformity Experiment? A series of studies performed in the 1950s that demonstrated the power of conformity in groups. These are also known as the “Asch Paradigm”. In one such experiment, there were five men who were to perform a very basic task: Match the line on the left with the line on the right. It was something your three-year-old can do. Four of the men were agents, people in on the program. They matched the line on the left with the incorrect line on the right. The subject knew they were all wrong but because they were the majority he chose the same wrong answer.

Even though he knew everyone’s answer was wrong, because they were all on accord and he wasn’t he doubted himself and chose the wrong answer. Remember, let no one make a prey of you through philosophy and empty deceit. But as it happens, as soon as the majority shake their heads and say to themselves, “How foolish of us”, that’s it. One minute you’re confident and hopeful and as soon as the slightest wind of a disagreement comes along we are done. Boom. Over. Joy depleted. Spirits crushed. Dreams deferred. However, remember this if you remember nothing else: Beware when all men speak well of you. Every great person who has ever stood for something was mocked, laughed at, teased, and assumed to be foolish by his or her contemporaries.

  1. No Support – Usually from feeling isolated, almost just as bad as disagreements among others is no support at all. This can leave a big gaping hole of doubt in our minds. The feeling is so great that it can lead to sadness and depression. This causes a doubt that can be very dangerous as we can miss our purpose putting off what we were built to do because a lack of support gave the perception that it was not for us at all. The truth is that it just wasn’t the right time. Why wasn’t it the right time? Well, that depends but it could be that you were not in a place to do it. Could be that you were not mature enough to carry it through. There is always a reason for why things happen in our lives and if we stop trying to change what we have no control over we won’t be as stressed. As Einstein once said, “I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself.”
  1. Mistakes – A big cause of doubt is failing. Mistakes leave huge stains on our spirit and sometimes cause us to give up altogether. It also ceases us from trying again or thinking we had it in the first place. The truth is that sometimes you have to be torn down to be built back up. Remember that it is not being knocked down that makes the difference but staying down. I believe the man who has fallen seven times and stood up eight is a greater man in the end than he who has never fallen.

Your Peace

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The only time anything negative possesses power over us is when we weaken ourselves. Indeed, darkness will be there lets face it, just as the sun rises it also sets. Still, light prevails and if you’re looking closely enough you’ll see that sometimes growth comes from knowing tomorrow’s peace begins with today. Everything is energy and as positive energy is higher than negative energy, a stress-free life begins with operating outside of that negative space. As such one can then use and control the positivity and live with daily productivity, growth and advancement. To control energy. It means that you have the power to change everything around you, for every situation that wishes to show its face today also has a solution. If we’re willing to look close enough we can see the purpose. Yes, its hard but beneath the surface is a purpose and that purpose is to cultivate something in you. If we choose to look close enough, we can discover what that is. If we choose to endure. If we choose light even when it’s lonely. Even when it’s difficult, and even when it’s painful. If we choose to command our peace to be still.

How I Stay Positive – The Four Agreements

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•Be impeccable with your word.
• Don’t take anything personally.
• Don’t make assumptions.
• Always do your best.

I try to stay true to these steps and in return they help me to maintain peace and positivity in my life.

Be impeccable with your word

We’ve all heard it before: “All a man has is his word”. This is the truest thing ever spoken. It doesn’t matter if that man is poor, if he is rich, if he has a successful career, etc. What sets him apart from the other is his speech. The things he says, how he says them and why. A good man or a good woman can always be dependable when it comes to their words. They are not gossipers, they are not slanderers, and they are not backbiters or murderers of the tongue. They make sure that the words they speak will not bring about negativity and strife either to themselves or others. Be impeccable with your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Flattery will get you nowhere. Let your actions speak.

To be impeccable with your word means to:

• Speak with integrity
• Say only what you mean
• Avoid using words to speak against yourself
• Avoid using words to speak against others
• Use the power of your word for truth and encouragement

2. Don’t take Anything Personally

This was a big one for me and I do believe for most people. The origin of strife and drama is usually because people choose to take things that other’s say way too personal. In return, they react (either by word or deed) in a defensive way. We forget that others have opinions and that these opinions are based on their own experiences and perspective. This means their words are a reflection of them NOT YOU. However, this is rarely if ever understood and we allow negativity to come into our space because we are so caught up in ourselves. We think that the things people say and do is always about us. Even when those things are about us, we are so quick to give up our power. But when we avoid taking stuff personally, we take away the power that others try to have over us and can instead focus on encouragement and positivity for ourselves and others.

Here are some techniques to help:

• Use “I” statements.
• Don’t put yourself down.
• Don’t use excuses or blame others.
• Offer any possible alternatives.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

This one is just as big as the last one: Don’t Make Assumptions! The problem that leads us here is usually our own convictions. We have issues (as we all have) and sometimes someone gives a message, or comment, or opinion that exposes these issues. The people or person exposing these issues are not intentionally targeting a specific person or group, they are simply stating truths. However, there is almost always someone who will be convicted by such truths and in turn become offended. As a result, because they cannot be sure if such a thing is targeted toward them specifically, they create the assumption that it’s just them and the other person in the world and the other person had so much time on their hands that they decided to speak negatively about them. The product of an assumption is always because someone took something personally or did not verify their sources. To avoid making assumptions, it is always best to gather all of the facts since many assumptions are made because people don’t ask for clarification. I chose to rid assumptions from my life by communicating as much as possible as not to create drama, gossip, and confusion < all of which are the result of an assumption.

4. Always Do Your Best

Stay away from the bare minimum and strive for excellence. Deny yourself the satisfaction of being lazy; instead, approach every project with the same level of professionalism despite the reward. The key to this agreement is to recognize when you are doing your best and accept those results despite the quality. Too often we set our goals by what other people deem important instead of what we know to be important. We whine and we complain that our results are not their results and this is a recipe for disaster and robs you of the positive in your life. As long as you look for confirmation from others you will always be second best. Instead, look to do things differently and to the best of your ability. Create a uniqueness that is exclusive to you and be good at it. This is what draws people into you, whether it is your writing or your blog. Always do the best you can and notice those small progressions in your life. To focus on being positive, encouraging and doing your best, stop focusing on the problem and work toward a solution. Learning comes by trial and error, so do not expect everything to succeed. Sometimes you’ll have to learn by doing it wrong. As such, you will begin to see why it did not succeed and try again the next time. Only this time you are so much more knowledgeable and wise about that thing. You did not focus on the act of failing, you focused on what you can do to succeed. Positive people always see the good in things because they focus on the good.

The Little Things

I’m a person who is either extremely excited, over the top silly or deeply saddened or concerned. I am either very serious or very silly. There is no lukewarm with me. There is no in-between. That said I try to also be very appreciative in my life. Appreciative of being alive another day. Appreciative of having a loving husband. Appreciative of loving family. Appreciative of supportive friends. Appreciative of a healthy mind and a healthy body. Sometimes you’ll see me get excited over certain achievements that may not look to be much but that mean everything to me. That’s because I think it’s important to always notice the little things.

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It’s just that, the little things, that tests whether or not we are ready to move forward. It is the small steps we take every day, the trys that determine if we are worthy to move on. Without appreciating the small things it is not possible to hold on to the greater gifts to come. If I want my marriage to last I have to appreciate what is before my face now. Today. And when tomorrow comes, I can move forward and step into the shoes of what the future brings. And if I cannot for whatever reason appreciate what I have today, it is only hypocritical to think I am worthy of having possession of this relationship for an extended period of time.

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I use my marriage just as an example, but we can apply this to our lives in general. Even when it comes to blogging. Yes, I blog a lot and I publish a lot and I share the work of others. I do this because I’m an all or nothing type of person. I am either going to put my all into it or I am going to abandon it. If I choose to give it my all, I will do so with the intent to nurture what I have been given and to plant the seeds that will grow to produce the kind of fruit I need to help to keep me fueled in whatever capacity that is. I believe blogging has been just as instrumental in my writing development as anything else in my life and though I do not see myself doing this forever, I take nothing for granted; or at least I try not to. The big things are always there and always will be there. They will always be at the forefront and on the top. They will always appear to be more shiny and glamorous and breathtaking. They will always promise to either validate you or break you but when it comes down to goals and ambitions and planning to implement a vision, it’s really not about the big things at all. It’s the little things that will actually help you to grow.

#Ronovan Writes #BeWoW Weekly Prompt – Silence is Golden

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I’m not sure what the suggested topic is for today, but I am excited to be back after missing last week. My positive contribution to Ron’s  BeWoW prompt today is Silence is Golden.

I believe there is a time to speak, but I also believe there is a time not to speak. When it is not the time to speak, Silence is Golden. It is worth more than the most trusted opinion, more than the long list of facts, more than the careful strung words we tend to place between our teeth. Silence, when implemented in its time, is a most powerful weapon; it cuts through to the meat and shatters the bones. It ceases the need for a humble snack, or the need to taste your words twice. Most importantly however, it cuts down on unnecessary negative energy. I have come to keep quite on certain matters, not because I am afraid to speak on them, but because I do not desire to give it my energy in the first place. For whatever reason, we tend to realize the need for these things far too late, a lesson we know all too well, that is, hindsight is always 20/20. But that’s life, and what is our existence without these lessons? I have come to understand time as our most precious and most valuable resource, why waste it for the sake of words spoken out of season? Even a fool is considered wise when he closes his mouth and watches his words. Silence indeed is golden.

#100WordWisdom Silence Wins the Day.

Very True.

Ronovan's avatarronovanwrites

Know your adversary. How to learn your adversary? You observe them. And how do you observe? You remain silent.

Silence is an unsung hero of many battles. Silence is maddening to a fool. Silence is maddening to the arrogant. Silence is the enemy of your foe.

The more you refrain from engaging in banter with the witless, the more foolish your foe seems, because the more they talk the more truth people see. People watching see a deteriorating mind who rants on and on against someone who speaks not an inflammatory word.

In the long run, silence wins the day.

(Remember #BeWoW is Tomorrow.)

Much Love, Success, and Respect

Ronovan

© Copyright-All rights reserved by ronovanwrites.wordpress.com 2015

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#Ronovan Writes #BeWoW Prompt – Regret

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Regret:
feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity); a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

Ex. “She immediately regretted her words.”

Today, Ron’s suggested topic for #BeWoW is on Regret:

In my opinion, the idea of Regret is good. In order for someone to change from a negative situation, thought, or feeling, he or she must admit to a wrong and feel sincerely sorry for having committed this wrong. There must be some kind of sadness from having done it. This repentance of sorts then will lead to proper change in whatever capacity that it is needed. So the concept of having Regret for having done wrong is a good thing. If I have no ill will toward having done evil in the past then the reality that it is evil has not left my heart and I do not see it as the evil (or mistake) that it is. If I lied but I do not Regret lying, then I do not see it as the wrong that it is. Life presents the opportunity for change and growth in many instances in our lives. And when I look around at the negative parts of me that I struggle to completely do away with, I see those parts as belonging to a time I have not fully regretted. I know that it is bad, but I do not wholeheartedly feel bad for having participated in that bad, I have not fully Regretted it. Instead, secretly, I still see it as a good thing.

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

― Cynthia Occelli

On the other hand, the problem with Regret comes in when we wallow in that Regret and our repentance then turns not into positive change, but ugly depression, and thus causes us to regress in many ways. Even if I can Regret having made a mistake, I can never correct it if I continue to hold on to it. The amount of energy that I put into that kind of regret has the capacity to single handily destroy me. It leaves no room for positive change or any other feeling. This kind of Regret is a cancer, eating away at our life force until we are a mere reflection of what we used to be. It causes us to feel sorry for ourselves so deeply that we eventually hate ourselves because of it and are no longer any good; not to ourselves and not to anyone else. We fall down, but unlike positive Regret, we do not look on the fall as an opportunity to get back up, we look on it instead as a crutch and as an excuse to keep us down. This is the ugly side of regret and no good can come from it.

In closing, I say to my Regretters:

You should feel sorry when you’ve done something wrong because if not you are bound to repeat it. You should Regret it and be remorseful and sad because this is what is needed to change it from a negative to a positive situation. However, careful not to allow this sadness to turn into depression because it will destroy you. It’s OK to feel bad but eventually you gotta get yourself together and back on track. Your sanity and your growth as an individual depends on it.