Careful Not to Tie Your Self-Worth into Not Achieving Your Goals

After much thought, I pushed the release for Keep Yourself Full (my first Inspirational Non-Fiction book) back to August (now reflected in the sidebar….new release date is 8/6). There’s a lot going on in July. The Book Festival, the Book Signing before that, our mini family road trip (next week! yayy) and I’m back in school so there’s no way I’ll have time to focus on releasing another book in the same month. This led me to a reminder I think we all need to hear every now and again.

Raise your hand if you get down on yourself when you do not accomplish what you set out to do. Maybe you had to push a date back, abandon a project or maybe you failed at executing something. I’ll be the first to raise mine. I get so frustrated, but I’ve learned something along the way: not to tie not achieving a goal to my self-worth. I am still worthy even if I do not achieve what I set out to when I set out to. My purpose is the same and my time will come. (Rom. 8:28)

“By tying your self-love and self-acceptance to a goal, your happiness corresponds to its achievement. When you reach your goal, your self-esteem rises temporarily; when you don’t, you think less of yourself as you have chosen to conditionally love yourself based on the success or failure of your obtaining this goal. Now the expectation of what “should be,” controls you.”

– The Mastery of Self by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr, son of Don Miguel, author of The Four Agreements.

The Mastery of Self is a great inspirational read. I just finished it and it has helped me tremendously in this decision. I recommend it. (The Fifth Agreement is also a decent read, though not as good as The Four Agreements in my opinion.) Goals help to keep us accountable but not achieving them does not make us useless or unimportant. Rest when you need to. Push that date back if you need to. Don’t rush. What is yours is still yours. It will wait for you. Even if you need to ghost Social Media for a while. Take care of yourself. We will be here when you get back.

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The Little Things

I’m a person who is either extremely excited, over the top silly or deeply saddened or concerned. I am either very serious or very silly. There is no lukewarm with me. There is no in-between. That said I try to also be very appreciative in my life. Appreciative of being alive another day. Appreciative of having a loving husband. Appreciative of loving family. Appreciative of supportive friends. Appreciative of a healthy mind and a healthy body. Sometimes you’ll see me get excited over certain achievements that may not look to be much but that mean everything to me. That’s because I think it’s important to always notice the little things.

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It’s just that, the little things, that tests whether or not we are ready to move forward. It is the small steps we take every day, the trys that determine if we are worthy to move on. Without appreciating the small things it is not possible to hold on to the greater gifts to come. If I want my marriage to last I have to appreciate what is before my face now. Today. And when tomorrow comes, I can move forward and step into the shoes of what the future brings. And if I cannot for whatever reason appreciate what I have today, it is only hypocritical to think I am worthy of having possession of this relationship for an extended period of time.

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I use my marriage just as an example, but we can apply this to our lives in general. Even when it comes to blogging. Yes, I blog a lot and I publish a lot and I share the work of others. I do this because I’m an all or nothing type of person. I am either going to put my all into it or I am going to abandon it. If I choose to give it my all, I will do so with the intent to nurture what I have been given and to plant the seeds that will grow to produce the kind of fruit I need to help to keep me fueled in whatever capacity that is. I believe blogging has been just as instrumental in my writing development as anything else in my life and though I do not see myself doing this forever, I take nothing for granted; or at least I try not to. The big things are always there and always will be there. They will always be at the forefront and on the top. They will always appear to be more shiny and glamorous and breathtaking. They will always promise to either validate you or break you but when it comes down to goals and ambitions and planning to implement a vision, it’s really not about the big things at all. It’s the little things that will actually help you to grow.

Progression, Change, and The Mind

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Yes indeed. Only when we can change the way that we see things, will we have what it takes to move forward. The mind is the authority over the body. This means that the flesh has to be in subjugation to the mind in the spirit of oneness before it can move forward. Your mind and your being must be in agreement. Don’t push to achieve greatness if that’s not what you believe, you will only end up contradicting yourself. As I often say, if a rich man thought he was a poor man, he will never be able to fully function in society until he learns the truth.

May your weekend be great :).