My big brother Ray, nieces Gigi, Jamie, Brook, and Me
Some families keep their history alive around picnic tables, their roots watered each summer by laughter, shared meals, and stories that stretch back generations.
Mine did not.
On my mother’s side, there were no great migrations back home for a weekend, no sea of matching shirts declaring our kinship, no annual roll call of who had been born, married, or passed on.
I didn’t grow up with the smell of charcoal and cousins’ laughter drifting across a summer lawn, the kind of memory stitched into photo albums and passed down like a family recipe. Family reunions simply weren’t our thing. There were no matching T-shirts, no group photos under a banner.
Cousin Laura, Pam, and Me sitting in the back of this truck like some thugs, lol
The closest I came to that sense of gathering was at Chicago block parties. We’d shut down the street, our banquet hall, line the sidewalks with tables and sizzling grills, and open the fire hydrant so the water arched into the air like a silver ribbon. Kids ran barefoot through a cracked-open hydrant, laughing because this time, no one called the police.
Music pulsed from speakers, and for one day, neighbors felt like cousins, and the whole block became family.
But it wasn’t our family.
Six years ago, this ended with our generation.
Jeremiah in the background (Nephew), Big Sissy Pamela, and Lil Cuzzo Angela
What began as a simple backyard barbecue has grown, year after year, into something bigger that we can finally call by its true name: a Family Reunion.
It’s a strange and humbling thing to realize we’re the aunts and unks now—the ones setting the tone, carrying the stories, and shaping the memories for our children.
We’ve rewritten the narrative we inherited.
Many of us are building marriages we’re proud of, raising children under our own roofs, and pursuing careers that light us up. We are not lost to the streets, not numbed by addiction, not absent from the lives we brought into this world.
Aunt Barbara, Lil Reg, and his daughters, Gigi and Brooklyn
Instead, we have passports now. We take our children to see oceans they’ve never touched, mountains they’ve never climbed, cities that speak in languages they’ve never heard. We give them richer experiences, not just with our words but with our lives.
Sometimes, breaking from tradition can be a good thing!
My crazy sisters and me: Yecheilyah, Tracey, Pam, and photo bombed by her daughter, Jamie.
I spent the weekend before last wrapped in the embrace of family down in Shreveport and Keithville, Louisiana, and it felt like medicine. We rode horses, walked barefoot through the grass, played with dogs, danced like children to country songs (which was hilarious…them country songs a lil freaky, lol) chased chickens, and kissed the soft cheeks of babies.
Cheese!!
In a world that seems to be unraveling, it’s easy to feel unanchored. People are losing their jobs and struggling to pay bills, Medicaid and SNAP Benefits are in danger, and storms, floods, and earthquakes abound. In times like these, it is soothing to turn to community, and I mean real community. To remember what it’s like to be held, to look people in their eyes, to walk barefoot in the grass, and to laugh without looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next unprecedented moment to drop.
We are living in a time when the only time people travel is to work. (And yes, I consider curated events that cost rent and mortgage money to attend is also work.) Time in the country on the farm (which we visit at least once a year) was a reminder of what real rest is, what it feels like, and why it is necessary.
This little baby wasn’t scared at all, lol.
I don’t know what you’re going through in your personal life. I have no idea of the storms you are literally or mentally walking through, but I do know that resting inside the warmth of community, however that looks to you, can be incredibly helpful.
For me, it’s family time since most of us live in different states now. I am excited to spend time with my Chicago people at our annual family BBQ next month. We’re heading to a resort, and it’s going to be a blast, hunny.
We are not supposed to do life alone. Hyper individualism is not the way. This idea that we don’t need anyone is not the song we are supposed to be dancing to. People brag about not having family and friends, and I think that’s sad. No wonder so many people are depressed.
Whatever embracing community looks like to you, let it be more than a workcation or business venture. Let it be a real coming together. More than that, let it be a balm.
A reminder that community doesn’t just soothe the wounds, but sometimes, it also helps to stop the bleeding.
Something devastating is happening, a bone-chilling, frightening thing.
The children are dying.
In this year alone, I have learned of the deaths of four young people, three of them children under 25 years old. All of them were from people I know; they were firstborns, the first fruits of their mother’s wombs.
It has made me reflect deeply on how we foster future generations while remembering old ones. As a history buff, I understand how easy it is to dwell on the past. However, I’ve realized that the past, present, and future are inextricably linked; if we ignore one, we disregard the others.
I had the fortunate opportunity to speak with my husband’s great-aunts this past weekend as we mourned the death of their sister, our grandmother. They are all in their 70s and 80s, so I asked them what advice they have for the next generation. Almost everyone said to listen to the elderly. Essentially, you should obey your mother and father. Today, many may refer to this as honoring the ancestors. Whatever phrase you use, the broad consensus is to listen to those who came before you.
Growing up on a farm, where they grew and raised everything they ate, I got the impression they weren’t just saying this because they were elders but that it was a genuine conviction in which they truly believed.
Growing up, many of us heard the warning: “Honor your mother and father so your days are prolonged on the earth.”
I think about the depth of this as I watch the children perish.
One of my favorite poems from Nikki Giovanni is “Always There Are the Children.”
For me, it is a reminder that we do not live forever in these bodies. We will pass on one day, but there will always be children. What we pour into them while we live determines whether there will be more Nikki Giovannis and Maya Angelous.
Unfortunately, we live in a world obsessed with two things: appreciating people only once they’ve passed and only once they have become great. Rarely do we recognize the process and honor the in-between spaces. Seldom do we honor the becoming.
This robs the children.
And the children are not just minors in small bodies; we are the children, too. We are also daughters and sons, and I hope that we learn to nourish ourselves in the same way that those who came before us were nursed, and that we do so early on, rather than waiting until we are thought to have made it, because we are born worthy.
“We prepare the way with the solid nourishment of self-actualization we implore all the young to prepare for the young because always there will be children.”
I’ve discovered the deaths of family members on social media from people who have my number.
I’ve watched loved ones be more open on Facebook than they are with the people they can reach out and touch.
I’ve watched passive aggression and sneak dissing become new forms of communication.
I’ve watched as people open themselves up online in unprecedented ways. I don’t judge them, but I do wonder, does this person have something to come home to?
In an age where it’s expected to parcel pieces of our souls to social media platforms in the name of vulnerability, I wonder if there is anything we still hold sacred.
Anything still holy?
Is there any part of ourselves we still keep personal? Intimate?
I wonder.
I am not a big Beyonce fan, but I agree that “we live in a world with few boundaries and a lot of access. There are so many internet therapists, comment critics, and experts with no expertise.”
For those who make a home on social media, I hope you are not giving it everything.
I hope there is still some things you keep to yourself for yourself.
Please help me extend a warm welcome to Terry Lister.
Welcome to the PBS Blog!
What is your name and where are you from?
My formal title is The Honorable Terry Lister, FCA, MBA, JP. While l had to work very hard to be given these titles, today l am retired. And in retirement, l have more or less retired my titles. I live in a much more relaxed manner than that under which l was burdened when l was working.
Nice. And where are you from?
I am from the beautiful island of Bermuda. We, Bermudians, believe that everyone has heard of us and thus knows where our island is but l know that both of these beliefs are false. We are an extremely small island located in the Atlantic some 700 miles from North Carolina. I have lived in Bermuda all my life except for ten years when l studied and worked in Ontario, Canada. The title The Honorable is due to my serving as a member of the Bermuda legislature for 21 years including ten years as a Minister of Government. I retired in 2014 and immediately took on my most enjoyable task of my life, that of being a slow solo traveler.
What was your childhood dream?
What I do today was always a dream for me but before I could get to it life stood in the middle. I had to get educated and I had to have a job, preferably one that paid lots of money. Growing up black in Bermuda meant that any black male who did not seek a career in the trades would have three choices: doctor, lawyer or teacher. Not wanting to do any of these, I was stumped until one day when asked for the 100th time I responded by saying I wanted to be an accountant. The questioner was floored, never had a little black boy said he wanted to be an accountant. Seeing the reaction this answer produced, I said it every time from about 12 on. It didn’t matter that I had no idea what an accountant did, I just knew it had to be special by the reaction of my questioners.
By the time I needed to make an informed response and I found out what an accountant did, I was so on it and that is what I became. By the age of 27 I was a partner in the Bermuda firm of Deloitte, becoming the first black person to be a partner in a then Big 8 Bermuda audit firm. So I made my dream come true and I never regretted this. The FCA behind my name is a special recognition in my profession given to a small number of the members due to distinguished service to the profession and the community.
Terry outside Bascillica, Ivory Coast
Wow. What an amazing and inspiring story.
What would be the most amazing adventure to go on or that you’ve been on?
Given that I am a full time traveler, I have been on many amazing adventures. However, if required to name one I would say it would be trekking Mountain Gorillas in Uganda.
Wait, what?
Your stories get better and better! Go on, tell us more.
As we were starting to leave the Gorillas and head out, one quickly came down a tree and landed very close to me. The guides tried to act calm but I could see some degree of fear. However, I acted as calmly as I could and waited for the gorilla to wander off. Got some great shots! While I do enjoy writing, travel is my first passion and many of the experiences I have had were simply mind blowing.
Wow. I bet. So, what state or country do you never want to go back to?
To date l have been to 95 countries…
Say whattt??
Just about every country has something about it that makes me wish I could go back. However, the one place I will not go back to is Tunisia. This northern African country was recently in the news about their behavior towards black Africans. I was there for 12 days in 2019. I was not treated with any warmth most of the time, often I had to fuss with taxi drivers to get them to take me where I wanted to go and, worst yet, I had an incident with the police who detained me for several hours for the crime of walking along a country road going to see a point of interest. There was a nasty undercurrent as I moved through various parts of the country and for that reason I would not return.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that craziness. Thanks for the heads up!
Let’s get into your publishing journey. When did you publish your first book?
I published my first book, Immersed in West Africa, in August 2019 just two months before my bad experience in Tunisia. My wife had organized a launch party which went really well and the book should have been off to a great start. However, we had selected a launch date and refused to move from it. The result was the publisher rushed the book and it was not a good product. Some of the attendees who bought books that night have chosen to not buy any books since which l find to be such a disappointment. When l realized the extent of the problem we sat down and fixed the flaws and put out another copy which has sold well. Beyond that this book has won 12 awards. Today, l am very proud of my first book, Immersed in West Africa.
And proud you should be. It is a wonderful and informative read. I’m glad you didn’t give up and re-released it.
What takes up too much of your time?
The most time consuming part of my writing is the marketing of the books. I am not a known author so l have to work every day to keep my books in front of people. It is both very time consuming and very challenging. Naturally, my genre is Travel and l write about my travels. So l cannot say, “enough of this, I am going to be a sci-fi writer.” Therefore I use up many hours doing things to get my books in front of potential readers.
Who is your favorite historical figure?
When l started high school way back in the dark ages, as my children would say, my class was taught Latin. Little did we learn but some of us took to the stories especially the Punic Wars and General Hannibal. He became and remains my favorite historical figure. When l went to Tunisia I went to see the remains of his city, Carthage. Consistent with the removal or destruction of many other creations of Black Africans prior to colonization, there was little to see while throughout Tunisia there are many Roman sites from the same and slightly later time period.
So, is the Honorable Terry Lister a political man?
Am I political? Does a horse drink water!
Yes, l served 21 years in the legislature of my country from 39 to 60. These were the peak years of my work life so it is impossible to not be political. However, I see my role today as observer and scribe. I spend very little time in political discussions or arguments as I was expected to do for the previous 21 years. My experience does make me well prepared to observe and to ask questions as l travel along.
You’re amazing.
Thank you, Terry Lister, for spending this time with us.We enjoyed you!
Terry Lister on the Skywalk at Kakum Nationsl Park in Ghana
Traveler and author Terry Lister enjoys both. Prior to this, he worked as a realtor, a minister in the Bermudan government, and a partner in the accounting firm Deloitte. However, he had always desired to travel, so in 2014, at the age of 60, he decided to retire and started traveling alone.
Lister had visited 48 nations when he retired, but since then, he has visited 50, staying in each for a week to six weeks. It’s been a journey! His first book, Immersed in West Africa, chronicled eight weeks of action-packed travel across five different West African nations. He has now traveled to 18 more countries in Africa and authored four more books.
While he is off the road, Mr. Lister enjoys unwinding with a good book, which must be historical or biographical. Although Terry would like to read more books in different genres, there are enough excellent novels in his field to keep him reading. He always has a few travel books in progress in anticipation of his upcoming trip.
Before leaving, Terry says he undertakes much research to identify activities that visitors are not always aware of. There is little time to be bored for this wanderer. He enjoys playing football and cricket in his spare time-cricket and football being his games. So little time to be bored!
Being on your own timeline is one of the tremendous benefits of self-publishing. The days of waiting ten years for a major publishing house to approve your work are long gone.
But how much time do you spend on your book before you Self-Publish it?
Sure. You can self-publish a book you wrote in two weeks, but is this wise? Has anyone seen the manuscript outside of yourself? Has it been properly edited? Formatted? And how’s that cover looking?
Remember, writing and publishing books are two separate processes.
There’s a reason books take a long time to release in traditional publishing, and while we self-publishers have the privilege of not having to wait as long, we should take our time.
I’m sorry to tell you, but being published on Amazon is not the flex it used to be. The platform is oversaturated with mediocrity. You don’t want your book swimming in this sea.
We can all agree Washington is a phenomenal actor, but exceptional people don’t just happen. Extraordinary people are birthed from hard work, practice, and study.
This is your reminder that you are not running late or behind in today’s immediate gratification society. You don’t have to publish your book right away just to be able to say you did.
The PBS Blog 