Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict by KE Garland

Title: In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict

Author: KE Garland

Publisher: ‎ New Reads Publications

Published: September 26, 2023

Pages: 326

“I was nine years old when I figured out that if I squeezed my legs together hard enough, it would create the most electrifying pulsation, in the general area my mother, her mother, and her mother called our “killa cricket.”

-KE Garland

In Search of a Salve snatches us into the author’s world with the rawness of a Sister Souljah book. Like Winter Santiaga, KE Garland has no sugarcoated, watered-down stories to tell you.

Unlike Winter, Kathy’s story is no fairytale.

The author takes us through the series of tragic incidents that led to her preoccupation with sex, including child-on-child molestation, car accidents, and the death of her adoptive mother. Garland expertly reveals how she utilized sex as a salve for a wound she wasn’t completely aware even existed, leading her down a path of multiple sex partners and abortions.

However, don’t assume this book is about the author’s naughty antics. This memoir stands out because it doesn’t only list regrettable events and bad decisions. What’s important is the linkages between how trauma impacts the body, permeates the mind, and results in addiction.

“I didn’t cheat because I had a vanilla sex life. I cheated to escape the discomfort of trauma.”

-KE Garland

We learn how cognitive therapy helped the author to pay more attention to her thinking and the meaning of key terms like exhibitionism or the urge to show yourself to others in public. These explanations helped me better understand the author’s actions beyond the physical, such as the disconnect that exists when the mother-child bond is broken early in life, resulting in a dysregulated nervous system.

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“No oxytocin. No emotional bonding. No maternal attachment. Emotionally dysregulated….I began life, like most babies, listening for the sound of my mother’s voice and never found it, and I’d never stop longing for her.”

-KE Garland

This book prompted me to have more compassion for the lived experiences of people who struggle with addictions that society has deemed as nothing more than an immoral decision, but that is much more layered. As Garland searched for a salve, I, too, discovered insight into questions about my own trauma, belonging, and motherhood.

“I was motherless and it hurt whenever I didn’t have one to show up for me.”

-KE Garland

KE Garland courageously uses her story as a catalyst for further instruction about not only sex addiction but addiction in general.

In Search of a Salve will break your heart, pierce your soul, and then soothe you with knowledge about sex, trauma, despair, and the root of these behaviors beyond poor life decisions.

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 5/5
Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
Organization: 5/5
Thought Provoking: 5/5
Solid Conclusion: 5/5

Overall: 5/5

It’s Release Day!!

Grab Your Copy of In Search for a Salve Here

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*Books are read in the order they are received.

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The Power and Necessity of Community

I enjoy the changing seasons the most. Summer is alright, but my favorite part of the year is when summer gives way to autumn. Georgia’s temperature is 80 degrees, yet the sun is not intense, and the way this wind blows feels like my skin is drinking a cold glass of water. It is refreshing.

That’s why I’m typing this at the kitchen table with the door open to the back porch.

As I sit here, I cannot help but think about how much of a blessing this blog (which is to say, the people who follow this blog) has been to me.

Despite the fact that I had been writing and publishing books since 2010, it was when I started this blog in 2014 (after my first two attempts had failed) that it became a platform where I could share my work and receive helpful feedback in return. As a result of this feedback, three published books were born, all inspired by blog posts.

This blog put me on by introducing me to a larger audience, and together, we blossomed into a community.

We had so much fun in the early years. I miss it.

With Elon Musk now contemplating charging X (Twitter) users to use its platform, assuming other social media platforms will eventually follow is not too far-fetched.

They do seem to copy each other. Reels were created to compete with TikTok, and Threads is just Instagram’s version of Twitter.

After thinking of this, I began to consider the significance and necessity of creating our own communities, both online and offline. If we take the time to create them, we may soon be forced to seek solace in our own isolated areas of the globe.

Just as this wind is blowing the trees, which will soon let us know how beautiful it is to let go when its leaves fall, I sense a change is coming.

Just my Thursday thoughts.

Thoughtful Thursdays. Hmm. Got a nice ring to it.

Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – The Romeo and Juliet Delusion: Finding Freedom After Trauma by Lori Abbott

Title: The Romeo and Juliet Delusion: Finding Freedom After Trauma

Author: Lori Abbott

Publisher: ‎ Lori Abbott

Published: April 16, 2023

Pages: 125

This is the second memoir I’ve read that grabs your attention from the opening page and delivers an essential message about addiction without holding back.

Lori Abbott is a well-educated attorney with over 15 years of experience in family and criminal law. Yet, she has not discerned that something is off with the guy at the bar. In fact, she finds herself incredibly drawn to him.

Romeo’s energy is electrifying and pulls her in at first glance. Once they start to talk, the attraction is mutual. Though they are each in a relationship now, the chemistry is undeniable.

Abbott and Romeo break it off with their spouses and eventually get together, and that’s when things get weird.

The first red flag was when Romeo invited Lori to his lake cabin in Nisswa, Minnesota, and opened the door using a credit card.

Then, he takes her to a place he said was his house, which looked like a college dorm. She asks about the Harley he said he had, which is nowhere around. Romeo becomes anxious and insists they leave for dinner. Lori complies.

Later, when she asks if they could return to the house, he says they can’t.

Huh?

Abbott catches Romeo in a series of lies but lets it slide, which she later realizes becomes a dangerous pattern.

Romeo loses control and smashes Lori’s car’s radio as the situation worsens. She is then forced to call his mother after he vanishes for several days.

It turns out that Romeo is a meth and heroin addict who is in and out of trouble. He is on child support for his daughter and has a felony case. The lake house was his parent’s year-round lake home, and the house belonged to a roommate who kicked him out. Romeo spends his nights at casinos or crashing on someone’s couch.

And these ain’t spoilers either because chile, things actually get worse.

This book stands out because the author does not shy away from the fact that while Romeo was addicted to drugs, she was addicted to Romeo. Abbott continues to fall for him because he persuades her that he is a victim of his past.

“What I did not realize at the time was that I was already becoming addicted to Romeo—one of the many lessons I have learned the hard way about addiction. I went from stagnation to intoxicating, reckless abandonment in a dangerously short period of time. The dichotomy between those two existences was the greatest rush I had ever felt in my life, and I was hooked.”

-Lori Abbott

The way the author ignored her intuition, knowledge, and awareness to excuse Romeo’s behavior is a warning for all women struggling to leave abusive relationships. Romeo would do the most outlandish things, and Abbott would close her eyes to it because she believed he could change.

“If you do not want to be doing something, but cannot stop doing it, you have a problem. Period.”

-Lori Abbott

This honest, well-written, and vulnerable story is a guide for women overcoming addiction, domestic abuse, and toxic relationships.

Trigger Warning: If you are struggling with similar addictions, be aware the author does not hold back in her descriptions. Proceed with caution.

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 4/5
Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
Organization: 5/5
Thought Provoking: 5/5
Solid Conclusion: 4/5

Overall: 5/5

Grab Your Copy of The Romeo and Juliet Delusion Here

The review registry for 2023 is closed. To learn how to have your book reviewed on this blog for 2024, click here.

We have two more books to promote that were registered before the deadline!

Stay tuned for our next dope read!

*Books are read in the order they are received.

Cover Reveal: Black History Facts You Didn’t Learn in School

It’s been a long time coming!

What started as a profound series on this blog has been transformed into a full-length history book you can carry with you!

Inspired by the Black History Fun Fact Friday series, I am incredibly honored to finally introduce the book version, Black History Facts You Didn’t Learn in School.

My greatest hope is that after reading this book, you are equipped with enough information to spark conversation and, if necessary, participate in your own activism for the continual education and restoration of Black historical truth.

May it bless the hearts and minds of people outside of yourself.

Share it with your children, spouse, colleagues, co-workers, students, family, friends, and young people.

May it be a reawakening, a restoration, or even a song.

May the stories of our ancestors strengthen and carry us like the Negro spirituals of old.

May this work act as its own redemption song.

Preorder now at blkhistorybook.com.

The Black Bundle

The Black bundle includes the paperback version of the book, the audiobook, and matching companion notebook.

Imagine reading and listening to the book as you take notes!

The Black Paperback

The Black Paperback includes a signed paperback with matching bookmark.

The Black Ebook

The Black ebook is the digital version of the book you can read on your phone, Kindle or any e-device.

For ARC copies, and media inquiries: yecheilyah@yecheilyahysrayl.com.

Historical Context is Important

I was away spending time with family when the now-viral Montgomery Riverboat brawl occurred.

When I finally logged into social media, I saw hilarious memes of folding chairs and pictures of Louis Farrakhan clamping his hands together proudly with the words: “Black people across America watching that video today…and ya’ll know what video I’m talking about.”

But I did not know what video they were talking about.

And then I saw it, but the fight video did not draw my attention as much as a specific viral meme.

This meme is inaccurate and should not be shared!

The meme identifies Nathaniel Alexander as the inventor of the folding chair, but the picture is of a different Black inventor.

The man in this picture is not Nathaniel Alexander. It is Lewis Howard Latimer who worked with Thomas Edison and helped make the light bulb possible.

Latimer is responsible for many of Edison’s patents because he worked as the original draftsman at Edison’s research laboratory.

Latimer also worked with Alexander Graham Bell on the telephone.

I cover more about Latimer in the upcoming book.

As for Alexander, he was not the first to patent the folding chair, which had already been used going as far back as ancient Egypt.

In the US, an early patent for a folding chair was by Jordan Cram in 1855.

Alexander’s invention improved the folding chair featuring a book rest which he patented in 1911.

“The purpose of my invention is to furnish a chair with a book rest or support that will be immediately placed in position when the seat of the chair is lowered…Another purpose of the invention is to provide a folding chair with a book holder and rest…”
https://www.truthorfiction.com/nathaniel-alexander-folding-chair-inventor/

Fredric Arnold also patented a folding chair in 1947.

The memes are funny, but historical context is important. A child somewhere now thinks Lewis Latimer is Nathaniel Alexander and that he invented the folding chair because it’s all over Google.

While both were Black inventors, the meme is decontextualized and could lead many astray.

Cause really, neither man invented the folding chair.

Let us do our part to ensure that we are not spreading disinformation. Black history is too rich and extensive for us to have to make anything up.

Lessons from Grace Part Two

These are the lessons I am learning thus far on my journey to give myself more grace.

Take the Pressure Off

Story A.

I was never under any pressure to share the same stuff on all of my social media channels. I have never automated my posts to ensure that what I write to one also appears on the other, for this reason. Early on, I recognized that each medium had a slightly different audience. And I rarely received the same reaction when I attempted to post the same thing. At times, it works, but it’s not something I do often. Each platform, to me, is its own. Therefore, what I post to TikTok won’t necessarily make it to Instagram, and what I post to Instagram won’t necessarily make it to Facebook. (Hardly anything makes it to Facebook. It is my least favorite platform.)

Story B.

This weekend, I am excited to attend my family’s annual BBQ. That’s right. My Chi-town homies are coming down for us to meet in Augusta, GA, for some family time.

We were all to stay at the same hotel until my cousin called and said a group of them would stay at an Airbnb.

“Okay cool. Imma cancel our room then and find a cheaper hotel.”

I’m not staying at an overpriced hotel that everyone else is suddenly not staying at. (Cause how ya’ll just gonna leave.)

Nope. Imma find something else. (And I did at a little over $100 cheaper with the same quality.)

What’s my point of these two stories?

Take the pressure off yourself to do what everyone else is doing, appear polished and put together, or post eighty-six times a day.

Take the pressure off yourself to show up in spaces you are not comfortable with to make other people comfortable. This includes spending money you don’t want to spend.

Take the pressure off yourself to respond immediately to emails, text messages, and comments.

Take the pressure off yourself to agree with everything, overextend yourself, or do more work than is necessary.

Take the pressure off yourself to always go the extra mile, even when no one is going the extra mile for you.

Give yourself more grace by taking the pressure off.

Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – Everyday I’m Hustling by Vivica A. Fox

Title: Everyday I’m Hustling

Author: Vivica A. Fox

Publisher: ‎ St. Martin’s Press

Published: April 3, 2018

Pages: 264

There are a few books I come back to a few times a year to savor their wisdom and life lessons. Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Tabitha Brown’s Feeding the Soul, and Vivica A. Fox’s Everyday I’m Hustling are a few.

I met Miss Fox at her 2018 book signing. I am Soul had passed the review board the same year and was approved to be in the same store. We were in the same space, our books on the shelves of Nia Damali’s (aka Mama Nia’s) Medu Bookstore at the Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta.

With Soul Food and Set It Off being two of my favorite movies, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi. What I enjoyed most is Fox personality is the same as you see in public and the same voice you read about in her book. She is down to earth, funny, and wants to know how a girl from Chicago ended up with a name like Yecheilyah.

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Everyday I’m Hustling is part memoir, part self-help, and part recipe book. It is filled with life experiences of Fox’s upbringing in Indiana, her acting career, strategies and business advice, and some tea on her relationship with Curtis “50 Cent,” Jackson.

Reading this book feels like sitting down with your Aunt and listening to her tell you life stories while giving advice. “Success does not guarantee the absence of getting your ass kicked,” she says while stirring a pot of Sug’s Crock-Pot Black-Eyed Peas. In true elder fashion, she deviates from the story to give cooking lessons.

You’ll roll your eyes in your head, wanting her to come back to the story. Her recipe pauses are your least favorite part, but then she’ll start talking about bonding with Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Kimberly Elise off-camera during the Set It Off filming and bring you back. You’ll learn fun tidbits, such as how the line “You didn’t even bother to ask me if I was thirsty, sister,” was an adlib Fox asked to be in the film. She says she wanted there to be at least one sister-to-sister moment.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Don’t let anybody dim the shine of your accomplishments. If they’re not paying your bills, why in the hell would they validate your worth?”

“Don’t overpay to play.”

“You can’t get typecast in life. There is a shelf life for certain chapters in your life. If you learn how to go into each chapter gracefully, then you can extend the longevity of your career.”

“Don’t point out the slips that only you know you made.”

I love this one! It reminds me of what Mr. Tolson (Denzel Washington) said in the movie The Great Debaters (another one of my favorites) when one of his students talked badly about himself. “Would you punch yourself in a street fight” The boy frowns, “No.” Then don’t punch yourself in a word fight,” says Denzel.

You don’t have to constantly bring up your flaws to be seen as valuable. You were born worthy. Stop pointing out slips (flaws) no one knows exist but you.

“I always tell people to educate themselves with real experience.”

“When you are working with someone, you are cobranding, so you have to look at the visibility of that brand.”

This is a good gem since collaboration is a popular word today. It is not wise to collaborate with just anyone. There must be something in it for you too. Does the person or company share your mission, purpose, and goal? Do they have the visibility and connections to help you like you are helping them? It’s a lot of people who just want to look important, but when you investigate further you see they can’t really do anything for you.

“Pitch your niche. It’s not bragging, it’s establishing your credibility.”

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 4/5
Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
Organization: 4/5
Thought Provoking: 5/5
Solid Conclusion: 4/5

Overall: 4/5

Grab Your Copy of Everyday I’m Hustling Today

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To have your book reviewed on this blog apply here. TOMORROW (7/31) IS THE LAST DAY TO REGISTER FOR A BOOK REVIEW!

All books reviewed from this point forward are books I’ve read on my own time or books registered before the deadline!

Stay tuned for our next dope read!

*Books are read in the order they are received.

	Yecheilyah on Ain’t No Red Carpet for…
	V.M.Sang on Ain’t No Red Carpet for…
	Janice Dennis on Mistakes Self-Publishers Make…
	Yecheilyah on Black History Lives
	Yecheilyah on Black History Lives