Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – The Unhappy Wife by Dr. KE Garland

Title: The Unhappy Wife

Author: Dr. K.E. Garland

Print Length: 83 pages

Publisher: Katherin Garland

Publication Date: October 17, 2016

Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC

ASIN: B01J96KOCE

Been a minute since I’ve written a new review but I got a good one for you today.

I am not an Unhappy Wife but this book is a must-read for ANY woman as it contains information that is useful for us all. A short read, The Unhappy Wife is a compilation of the testimony of twelve women and their marriages; the things they expected and the reality they didn’t. This book shows us that marriage is work and that it doesn’t really matter how ready you think you are. Let me give an example of what I mean.

I am a bible believer. This includes the belief in law and order. I believe that men are the head of their households (1 Co 11:3) and that wives are to submit to that authority (Eph 5:22). I believe that women are to support their husbands and that husbands are to love their wives (Eph 5:25). What I don’t believe in is abuse and I dislike when authority and submission have been abused, taken advantage of and scripture twisted in support of abuse of any kind. I cringe when submission is blamed for abuse and I cringe when men abuse their authority.

I say all of this to say that The Unhappy Wife is a reminder that marriage is work no matter how you look at it. You can be deeply in love, know your role, all of this and something can still go wrong. That is because marriage is a constant commitment. Two people becoming one is not easy no matter how long you’ve been together. You will both come with your own baggage of some kind. The question is how heavy is that baggage? Sometimes it’s too heavy for you both to carry. Maybe someone doesn’t love themselves as much as they thought they did or someone is being abused. In either case the relationship suffers.

The Unhappy Wife is the perfect guide for women in relationships period and a good warning for married couples in general. What I learned most from the women’s stories is that marriages do not fall apart all at once but that it happens little by little so we have to pay attention to the signs, not rush into things, communicate, and not ignore the red flags.

Favorite Quote:

“Marriage is a sacred commitment. You can never fully prepare yourself for marriage but what you can do is work on yourself, your choices in men and a good understanding of what will feed your heart before entering into nuptials.”

Entertainment Factor: 5/5

Thought Provoking: 5/5

Authenticity / Believable: 5/5

Overall: 5/5

The Unhappy Wife is Available Now on Amazon

The Unhappy Wife

 

Be Sure to follow KE online!

Twitter: kegarland

Instagram: kegarland

Facebook: kegarlandwriter

Author Website: kegarland.com

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Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – Crossroads: Women Coming of Age in Today’s Uganda Edited by Christopher Conte

Title: Crossroads: Women Coming of Age in Today’s Uganda

Editor: Christopher Conte

Print Length: 180 pages

Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1507680228

Publication Date: August 30, 2015

Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC

ASIN: B014QBPALM

*I was gifted a copy of this book by the editor*

Crossroads is a fascinating anthology comprising autobiographical essays by several Ugandan women. I loved the opportunity to learn more about the Ugandan culture and the upbringing of African women and how it is different (and in many ways similar) from the upbringing of Black women here in America. Rarely do we hear of what these women endure so it was refreshing to read about it. All of the stories have a common Coming-of-Age theme where the women discuss their experiences coming into womanhood among the customs and traditions of their country. We learn about their childhoods, sex, marriage, career, and livelihood.

All of the stories were compelling but there were a few that really stuck out for me more than the others. I enjoyed the opening story, for instance, about the meaning of names and the cashier treating the woman unfairly because of her name. Personally, I can relate to having a unique name myself and I am often asked the same questions that Nakisanze Segawa was asked.

There were two stories that had the biggest impact on me above all the others. The young women taken from their University without a word, abused  and forcibly imprisoned was heartbreaking. I also found the customs surrounding the Ssengas both fascinating and also odd.

By custom Ssenga’s are paternal aunts who assume special responsibilities and help to guide the women, their “nieces” in the ways of society. They teach the women how to behave, submit to a man, how to display class and grace, they monitor their manners and their ways around the house.

Ssengas teach young women about their bodies, about hygiene and sex and ultimately prepare them to be good wives. I love the concept of having someone there to mentor young women and to ensure they grow to be respectable wives and mothers. The fact that the Ssengas take over this role and not the mother is interesting to me. I found myself wondering if it would help for young women in the States, especially young Black women without mothers, to have this kind of guidance and support instead of having to figure things out on their own or in the street.

What I enjoyed least about the role of the Ssengas is that their teachings go too far, at least based on the testimonies of the women. It’s one thing to teach young women about their bodies and how to be wives but the extent to which these women are obligated to serve their husbands is, in my opinion, oppressive. Some of the acts, in fact, were downright disgusting and unnecessary. I should be clear that I am all for submission. I believe that women are to submit to their husbands like the bible instructs and that the man is the spiritually ordained head of the household.

The problem I have is ways in which Submission has been portrayed, defined, twisted, and distorted all over the world. Not only do women in America have a concept of submission that is not, in my opinion, accurate but so do women in other countries. Submission is not slavery and a man’s authority over his wife does not exempt him from certain duties and responsibilities or give him the permission to be abusive. Men are to love their wives as their own bodies and a wife respects her husband.

I believe that if done properly, submission and authority can work well but if not done correctly, can easily look like slavery as it, sadly, often does.

There are some great qualities that are promoted in Uganda that many women across the globe can benefit from but then there are some things that we may find strange if we didn’t grow up that way.

In what way does earning degrees and having an education balance with being good wives? Do the women defy tradition or follow it?

This book sparks great conversation about the lives of women and is relevant considering the social and political climate of our time.

Movement / Strength: 5/5

Entertainment Factor: 5 /5

Authenticity / Believable: 5/5

Thought Provoking: 5/5

Overall: 5/5

Crossroads: Women Coming of Age in Today’s Uganda is available now on Amazon


About the Editor

Christopher Conte is an American journalist who spent fifteen years as a reporter and editor for the Wall Street Journal before beginning a freelance career. He has traveled extensively throughout Africa, eastern Europe, and Asia, as a consultant for the World Bank’s International Finance Group. Conte has also worked as a trainer and mentor to journalists in Uganda, and other locations throughout Africa and Asia.

Changes to Book Review Policy: Please Read

I am a Book Blogger and have been for almost three years now. To learn more about my reviews and how to schedule yours, please visit the Book Review Policy page HERE.

Please take note of the new rule.

Gift Me a Copy of Your Book (*UPDATES*)

In the beginning, after you’ve gone through the process of submitting your book information for review and I’ve contacted you, I was allowing you to attach a MOBI or EPUB version of your book to my email for review. This has changed.

While you may submit your first chapters as attachments (See my Review Guidelines Here) I am no longer accepting attachments of the entire book sent to my email for review. I can only accept books that have been gifted to me, sent to my Kindle email or that are attached as PDF’s only.

Once you’ve registered your book and have been given the green light by me, either:

  • Gift me a copy of the book through Amazon or your platform of choice. This is the easiest most hassle-free way to get the book to me. It will automatically download to my Kindle device once I’ve redeemed it.

 

  • Send your EPUB or MOBI directly to my Kindle email at yecheilyahysrayl@kindle.com (I will have to approve you email so be sure to follow the guidelines before attempting to send)

 

  • PDF – If all else fails, you can also send me a PDF copy of the book via email (I do not accept Word Documents. Please don’t attach a doc.) This is the only attachment I will accept because I can download it to my PC and read it that way. I will no longer accept MOBI and EPUB attachments of books sent to my regular email.

(And of course, if you want to ship a paperback / hard copy that’s fine too. Just let me know in our email correspondence.)

I am currently closed to new book submissions but I’ll be opening back up soon. Please visit the Book Review Policy page HERE to learn more and to familiarize yourself with the rest of my process.

Thank you for your time and attention.


Yecheilyah (e-see-lee-yah) is an Author, Blogger, and Poet of nine published works including work in progress and short inspirational guide “Keep Yourself Full.” Learn more by exploring Yecheilyah’s writing on this blog and her website at  yecheilyahysrayl.com. Renaissance: The Nora White Story (Book One) is her latest novel and is available now on Amazon.com.

3 False Teachings and Misconceptions of the Housewife

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Image Credit: Submission ADs, 1950s

Loss of Identity

–    A woman who chooses to stay home either to raise children or not is not suffering from an identity crisis. She has not lost sight of who she is as a person and what she wants just because she chooses not to break the glass ceiling. Staying home does not mean watching TV all day and spending eight hours in the kitchen. Instead, it gives women a chance to be creative and to pursue dreams they probably never thought possible. With time on their hands and the financial support of their men, these women go out into the community to volunteer and get involved in all sorts of creativity. They are proud to spend all day with their children or their husband if they have no children and to prepare healthy meals for their families. These are the women who do not stuff small mouths with junk food and candy. They take their time purchasing only the choicest goods, they cook and they clean. These undervalued skills contribute largely to the physical, spiritual, and psychological development of the youth. Children who are fed well and loved well can better focus at school among other things. In short, these women are not bored just because they choose the one career underappreciated the most in this society: Family.

Submission = Abuse

  • The image at the start of this post is very disturbing to me. Even more disturbing is that we believe this is what submission is because the Ads, TV commercials, and Hollywood movies told us so. A woman who submits to her man is not being abused by him. Abuse can happen in any relationship at any time, it has nothing to do with submission itself. Because abuse can happen to anyone at anytime it is critical that women understand their value and their worth before trying to find it in a man. You are what you attract and no one, man or woman, who has not learned to love themselves first has any business trying to love anyone else. That said, a wife who submits to a husband simply respects him and his decisions within the family structure as head of her household. It does not mean that the woman is weak or is in any way less capable of leading. Submission simply means to be in agreement because no family can thrive if the house is divided. All parties must be on one accord and as a man’s natural position is to lead, he handles this role well. By nature women are attracted to men in who they see strength. While it is natural for women to get caught up in the everyday life of children and work her love and attention to the man should not cease. I like to call this “Keeping the Spark”. A man who gets this kind of attention from his woman gives it right back (that is if he is a man) and is less likely to seek it elsewhere. Otherwise, it will be difficult for that man to thrive in a home in which his own woman doubts him. The contented face of a happy man has no equal. By happy I am not referring to sex. Though important, sex is not marriage but a part of it. A man provides more than sex and money but leadership, guidance, and discipline for our children. In the 1960s Black marriages were at its best. Black men accepted their roles as natural leaders and black women followed. We stood by them, we supported them, and our homes thrived.

She is Unhappy

  • The problem here is that we have devalued the role of the wife and mother; as if there is a position higher than this. Being a stay-at-home wife or mother is a prestigious position, one that no Hollywood job or high-class position will ever be able to fulfill. Not all women are made to fit this role nor do all women want to and that’s their business. But for those who do, they are not unhappy and depressed just because they choose to treat their men like Kings and make leaders of their children. More wives would keep their husbands if they understood one simple truth: treat him as if he is the most important man in all the world. As far as you are concerned, this man can rule the world with you by his side. There is no man like your man. Is this not how you want to feel? Like you’re the one woman who can rule the world? That you are queen? Why would he want anything different than to be lavished by the woman he loves? When a man feels like he can conquer the world, he will.

 

Movie Night Friday – Coming To America

MNF

It is a treasure to find movies that have it all, and Coming to America is one of those movies. Comedy, History, and Symbolism.

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For the most part, I fell in love with this movie for the same reason that everyone else did, because of its humor. If you need something to help make you laugh then put this movie in. I’m not even going to ask you if it’s part of your collection. I mean, you do have Coming to America…..right???? But as time went on I also started to notice other information of importance that surpassed the laughs. Not only is this movie extremely hilarious, but it also includes many messages.

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Starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall, Coming to America is about Akeem Joffer, the crown prince to the throne of the wealthy African nation of Zamunda, who lives a prosperous life. But having been appointed a wife from birth and forced to marry her, Akeem is unfulfilled to take a woman who would obey him and submit to him. He is also uneasy with the idea of the arranged marriage. In fact, he is sick of being pampered in general. As a result, he decides to take a trip to America to find his bride; as he puts it, “someone who will excite his intellect, as well as his loins.” To make a long story short, he takes with him his friend (or personal side kick whichever fits), named Semmi and together they end up in Queens New York, an impoverished part of New York City, and opt to stay in a run-down apartment in one of the most disgusting rooms in the building (“it’s a shame what they did to that dog”…lol)

Now, since there is so much here, I’m going to take only a couple aspects of the movie that I see that involve a deeper message than the ability to tickle the funny bone.

#1: Authority and Submission

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To start, part of Akeem’s travels is that he is not interested in taking a submissive woman as wife. It’s more than the arranged marriage; it is also the woman’s trained obedience to his authority. The famous, “Whatever you like…” scene showcases this well. While many of us laughed at this and threw our “I know that’s rights!” into the air, smashing our judgmental comments of Imani Izzi (arranged bride-to-be seen here) at the screen, in truth there was nothing wrong with what she said. Of course they had to exaggerate it, but the point is that a woman is supposed to obey her husband. She is his helpmate and her desire is his desire. Contrary to popular belief, authority has nothing to do with money. A man is not the head of his household because he’s supposed to make the money and a woman’s money does not appoint her as the head either. This is society’s definition of authority and it is the reason many women think they can step all over a man because they make more money than he does. And isn’t it a shame? That the one thing we value most in a man, many of our men do not have. No wonder 70% of black women are single.

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A man’s authority is to be the leader and the protector of the family. A man provides more than just money. He provides protection, leadership, and guidance just to name a few. Contrary to feminist thought, submission does not mean weak nor is it synonymous with slave. Submission just means to give respect and to be in agreement. When a woman is respectful and in agreement with her husband she is following his direction. In addition, she strives to keep him happy in every aspect. The saying that a woman is a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom is not made up by happen chance. It just means that a woman works to keep her man happy in every capacity. Even something as subtle as King Jaffe sitting on the throne and Queen Aeoleon standing by his side; this is an accurate portrayal of how it should be. It is no wonder the King walks around with a lion hanging from his shoulders. In the animal kingdom, the lioness hunts down the food, she brings it to the lion, and he is the first to eat. Like I said, respect. As you can see from this example, the woman is by no means idle and her job is not insignificant. She must work to keep the family strong just as he does and ensure her home is a happy and thriving one for her family. She may do this by working or staying at home. Either way, she is helping to add to the strength of this business of sorts called family. She makes decisions and suggestions as well but this authority does not surpass that of her man’s. There can be only one CEO of this business and he stands up to pee for a reason.

In short, Akeem refuses a woman from his own cultural background who will be obedient and respectful to him, and instead seeks a woman from America who is more independent-minded.

#2 Identity

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Akeem is in line to receive his father’s possessions. He is the royal descendent of a great people, much like the children of Israel. As he and Semmi maneuver their way around the “Land of the Free”, you start to notice an unraveling of their culture. They do not desire to be a set-apart nation of priests; they are simply, “Ordinary Americans.” They go from living in a palace to living in poverty; from letting their hair grow long to cutting it off; to being draped in gold, to designer jackets; from being pampered and provided for by a King, to having to work a 9-5 at a restaurant. Akeem and Semmi go from being among a powerful and set-apart people, to a downtrodden and despised people. They go from being in line to inherit the blessings, to accepting of the curse. In America, Akeem is not proud of his cultural heritage, he is ashamed of it.

Even the end of the movie is significant, but I will leave that part alone for the 2-3 people reading this who have not seen Coming to America (smh).

Trailer:

Funny Movie Mistakes:

When Akeem and Semmi get their apartment, the landlord says that the room has only one window facing a brick wall. But when Akeem is out on the fire escape, he yells out to a street, not a wall. And there are two windows.

Watch the movie and see if you can spot the knot!

“What’s your favorite movie? Is this among your collection? Why do you love it?”

Guest Feature – The Blackman’s Guide to Understanding the Blackwoman- Shahrazad Ali

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• It is difficult to get her to listen to new information about a new approach to living her life because she is so certain that she is justified in being out of order. She is mostly a lot of mouth. She can be a number of things, as already proven, but she cannot be a man.
• By nature the Blackman cannot submit to the woman.
• All the good things she says she wants would be immediately available to her if she drops her defenses, drops her suspicions and allows herself to melt into the waiting arms of the man who loves her.
• When the Blackwoman attacks the Blackman publicly she inadvertently gives the entire world permission to attack him also.
• It is not easy for a Blackman to be motivated if his woman doubts him, or if their relationship is so stormy that it takes his head and robs him of the ability to concentrate
• The Blackman can tell which woman is his by the way she submits to his ideas and instructions. And by the way she works to make him happy. His Blackwoman should take the position that his success is her success—their success, and work as a team.
• By letting the Black man be the head of the family she could revive him, and by getting behind him and supporting him he could be free.