Writing Sex Scenes – Erotica / Romance / Urban Fiction

Were all adults here. That said this post is not for children. I’m an adult and if you’re under age I would suggest you stop reading.

There, now that the children have left the room let’s get into it.

3532693670_romancenovel_xlargeFirst, I have to say I’m not as anti-romance as you’d think. I actually enjoy romance….to an extent. I’m just not the exclusive romance type. You know, the books with the man on the front sporting a six-pack, low cut jeans that makes it obvious he’s not wearing underwear, a cow-boy hat and “come and get it” eyes. That’s just not  sexy to me; perhaps because I don’t really see it as being manly enough. I mean sure, I see your oiled down abs but I’m just not impressed. I’m more interested in Romance that incorporates more into the story; romantic adventure or urban fiction if you will where the story is not exclusively about Mary Jane and the six-pack, which brings me back to my purpose of this post: Sex Scenes: Romance, Erotica, and Urban Fiction.

Dear Indie Erotica, Romance, Urban Fiction Writers,

white lines

Don’t overdo the sex. Just because you can mention every body part known to man doesn’t mean that you should. Even when it comes to love scenes, readers should feel sexy, aroused even, but not grossed out. Some books I can’t even get through because there’s no emotion behind the action. The character keeps it real and all but that’s not, in my opinion, enough to be enticing. There are some authors who can paint their sex scenes very well and for that I must say that my opinions are from a readers perspective since I don’t actually write erotica. That said, I am not placing judgment, I’m just saying that if your going to write about couples making love put some tact to it. You can mention body parts without being outright vulgar. Now days I just feel like I’m watching a really bad porno movie. Thing is, you can be nasty if you want (were all adults here) but there’s even a way to do that. The idea is to draw us in. Make us feel like we’re in the moment. Make it just as sensual and as intimate as you would if you were actually having sex. Tracy Brown actually writes very good Urban Fiction novels with some steamy scenes. She’s not an Indie Author but she’s a good example of how it should be done. Her books also have other themes incorporated so that its not straight sex (that gets boring after-while, there must be an actual story line people). White Lines for instance is a book about a woman and drug addiction and is a pretty good read. I have a few of her books in fact.

Now, about stories surrounding abuse…

Stories about physical abuse are going to be difficult despite how you look at it. There is no way to write physical abuse stories that are reflective of the truth and make people any less uncomfortable. I still believe, however, that there should be some skill involved. When people are physically abused its not just physical its emotional. This should be incorporated in. As you walk us through the incident, there must be a simultaneous emotional / mental explosion along with what’s happening physically. There is a way to show me the physical and the emotional pain experienced by the character without bluntly stating that he forced his you know what into her you know where. This shows me a glimpse of the abuse and shocks me, but it would be better if the feeling was shown instead of told. The classic: “show me, don’t tell me”:

“He tore down her innocence as if breaking glass, and replaced her inner walls with the maturity of his manhood. She was no longer a child, oblivious to the desire that felt like saliva between her legs. Just like that youth had escaped her. Had taken advantage of her perfection and replaced it with the wisdom to know why mama’s voice moaned in the nighttime. What she would give to go back and listen to mama hum the words to songs only grown-ups knew. Instead, she became a prisoner to the freedom of understanding as it dripped from between her legs. “

I’m not that kind of writer so what you’ve read probably sucked but the point is that books that include sex period requires some kind of skill. Erotica and Urban Fiction are not genres that give us the right to just blurt stuff out. It’s like I tell my husband all the time when it comes to comedy: “A whole bunch of curse words and vulgar language does not necessarily make it funny”. Too often comedians feel like they have to use such language just to make people laugh and it causes them not to be funny at all in my opinion. You don’t have to be nasty to be funny. The same thing applies to writing, it can be real and genuine without overdoing the sex scenes.

Writing 101: Assignment #2 – Write a List –Things I Learned


1. I’ve learned that music is better than medicine, and that the sound of laughter is better than music.

2. I’ve learned to be humble in confidence, but courageous in character.

3. I’ve learned that to love and to be loved is the true measure of success.

4. I’ve learned that goals must be directly related to purpose.

5. I’ve learned that childhood is precious; things actually don’t get better after 21.

cropped-seal_v2-036. I’ve learned to respect elderly women as mothers, men as fathers.

7. I’ve learned that to fall and to overcome is better than to not have known struggle at all.

8. I’ve learned to appreciate the small things first, the insignificant, the lowly, and the taken for granted.

9. I’ve learned that with great authority comes greater responsibility.

10. I’ve learned that everyone has something to teach me.

Coming Soon


On Sunday, November 1, 2015, I will be announcing the release date for the final installment of the Stella Trilogy (The Road to Freedom: Joseph’s Story) along with its book blurb and cover reveal.


I am excited to be on the brink of having all of the books finished and ready to be made available as a set or individually. Now I can focus on book signing campaigns and events for The Stella Trilogy as a package while re-writing my first novel, whose release I have pushed back to next year sometime.

So be sure to tune into this blog and to keep your eyes on my social media for the cover release, blurb, and release date celebration of Stella Book #3. You never know, there may be some treats in store!

Know your Lane

Very True and well said.

Write, Live and Love

A lot of people tend to speak on subjects in which they know nothing about. We want to peg ourselves as experts, yet haven’t done the edtensive research behind those aspects; or better yet, they just have not lived in them.  I like to believe that there is always a life twin; a person who has gone through things exactly as you have and can give you the wisdom of their experiences.

For those of us, who are looking for the answers to life’s struggles, who long to find their twin; they are out there.

And for those of you, who disguise yourselves as those who have been here before and done that more than once, but truthfully haven’t the slightest idea how to help those who long for support through their struggle; know your place in this world, know your lane. And stay there.

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Inside Historical Fiction with Anna Belfrage

Anna Belfrage provides insightful advice for Historical Fiction writers. I also find this information relevant for all authors in general.

All about historical fiction

Release date November 1, 2015 Release date November 1, 2015

Anna Belfrage and I met in Denver at the Historical Novel Society conference. According to Anna, had she been allowed to choose, she’d have become a professional time-traveller. As such a profession does not exists, she settled for second best and became a financial professional with two absorbing interests, namely history and writing. Today she’s answering questions on historical fiction.

What are the ‘magic ingredients’ that make historical fiction unforgettable/irresistible? And in your opinion, what do the best historical fiction writers do to ‘get it right’?

The one word answer is immersion. As a reader, I open the book, and within pages, I am no longer in my armchair or my bed or wherever I may be reading. I am elsewhere, in another time, another place.

To achieve this requires that the author paints the scene for us – not in too much detail, as…

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Why Perms Are Afraid of Water

55bbba8913bb130476c921638a3be69aThis is part two in a three part series.

Read Part Three Here: Why Natural Hair is Dehydrated

Read Part One Here: Hair and the Nervous System

If you don’t know about the health deficiencies of the relaxer by now, then you just don’t know. Perms and relaxers have been a long time favorite of many women, but this beauty regimen comes at a high price – hair breakage, scalp irritation, stunted hair growth, and even permanent hair loss.*

The government name for the perm is Sodium Hydroxide, a dangerous chemical that eats away at any part of the body that it contacts, including hair. It is a powerful chemical known as lye and caustic soda and is found in many industrial solvents and cleaners, including flooring stripping products, brick cleaners, types of cement, and many others. It can also be found in certain household products, including:

• Drain cleaners
• Metal polishes
• Oven cleaners

The interesting thing about the drain cleaner is that the Sodium Hydroxide helps clear away the hair often found corked at the bottom of bathtubs and sinks. What does this have to do with the hair on our heads? While it’ll take quite some time to explain all of the information concerning the harmful effects of the perm, let us focus on the topic at hand, why are perms so afraid of water?

We’ve all been there. You just got your hair lyed, dyed, and laid to the side! What the beautician just did to your hair is nothing short of amazing. But you can’t get it wet. You can’t go swimming, and heaven help you when it rains!

Our hair is made up of layers. The outer layer protects the hair shaft. When the layer of protection is damaged with the use of chemical relaxers, this causes the ends of your hair to split. This damage can travel up the hair shaft and cause hair breakage, resulting in damaged uneven hair. Some say to trim the ends, but the truth is that perms and relaxers are quite jealous of the hair’s natural state so it promotes split ends. They dry the ends of your hair and wear down the protective layer.


Relaxers in African American hair work by allowing the chemicals to break the protein bonds in the hair to change its shape and make course hair straight. But by breaking the bonds that give hair its strength, it is left weak and vulnerable (poor hair). So when water hits the already weakened hair bonds, they become like useless limp strings. It also weakens the hair follicle, making relaxed hair more susceptible to breakage.307988-61011-30The hair has a particular wave pattern that is held by two sets of physical side bonds and a set of chemical side bonds. The physical side bonds are not as strong but are more numerous, while the chemical side bonds are much stronger, but there are fewer. Because of this, someone with permed hair is recommended to wait a few days before shampooing or wetting the hair to allow the hair time to “normalize” and fully adjust to the new wave patterns.

Perms change the shape and texture of the hair through the use of strong chemicals. Your perm is afraid of water because it is as if it just had surgery and needs time to heal and adjust to the new pattern.