Breaking From Tradition Can Be a Good Thing

My big brother Ray, nieces Gigi, Jamie, Brook, and Me

Some families keep their history alive around picnic tables, their roots watered each summer by laughter, shared meals, and stories that stretch back generations.

Mine did not.

On my mother’s side, there were no great migrations back home for a weekend, no sea of matching shirts declaring our kinship, no annual roll call of who had been born, married, or passed on.

I didn’t grow up with the smell of charcoal and cousins’ laughter drifting across a summer lawn, the kind of memory stitched into photo albums and passed down like a family recipe. Family reunions simply weren’t our thing. There were no matching T-shirts, no group photos under a banner.

Cousin Laura, Pam, and Me sitting in the back of this truck like some thugs, lol

The closest I came to that sense of gathering was at Chicago block parties. We’d shut down the street, our banquet hall, line the sidewalks with tables and sizzling grills, and open the fire hydrant so the water arched into the air like a silver ribbon. Kids ran barefoot through a cracked-open hydrant, laughing because this time, no one called the police.

Music pulsed from speakers, and for one day, neighbors felt like cousins, and the whole block became family.

But it wasn’t our family.

Six years ago, this ended with our generation.

Jeremiah in the background (Nephew), Big Sissy Pamela, and Lil Cuzzo Angela

What began as a simple backyard barbecue has grown, year after year, into something bigger that we can finally call by its true name: a Family Reunion.

It’s a strange and humbling thing to realize we’re the aunts and unks now—the ones setting the tone, carrying the stories, and shaping the memories for our children.

We’ve rewritten the narrative we inherited.

Many of us are building marriages we’re proud of, raising children under our own roofs, and pursuing careers that light us up. We are not lost to the streets, not numbed by addiction, not absent from the lives we brought into this world.

Aunt Barbara, Lil Reg, and his daughters, Gigi and Brooklyn

Instead, we have passports now. We take our children to see oceans they’ve never touched, mountains they’ve never climbed, cities that speak in languages they’ve never heard. We give them richer experiences, not just with our words but with our lives.

Sometimes, breaking from tradition can be a good thing!

My crazy sisters and me: Yecheilyah, Tracey, Pam, and photo bombed by her daughter, Jamie.

Community Can Be Healing

I spent the weekend before last wrapped in the embrace of family down in Shreveport and Keithville, Louisiana, and it felt like medicine. We rode horses, walked barefoot through the grass, played with dogs, danced like children to country songs (which was hilarious…them country songs a lil freaky, lol) chased chickens, and kissed the soft cheeks of babies.

Cheese!!

In a world that seems to be unraveling, it’s easy to feel unanchored. People are losing their jobs and struggling to pay bills, Medicaid and SNAP Benefits are in danger, and storms, floods, and earthquakes abound. In times like these, it is soothing to turn to community, and I mean real community. To remember what it’s like to be held, to look people in their eyes, to walk barefoot in the grass, and to laugh without looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next unprecedented moment to drop.

We are living in a time when the only time people travel is to work. (And yes, I consider curated events that cost rent and mortgage money to attend is also work.) Time in the country on the farm (which we visit at least once a year) was a reminder of what real rest is, what it feels like, and why it is necessary.

This little baby wasn’t scared at all, lol.

I don’t know what you’re going through in your personal life. I have no idea of the storms you are literally or mentally walking through, but I do know that resting inside the warmth of community, however that looks to you, can be incredibly helpful.

For me, it’s family time since most of us live in different states now. I am excited to spend time with my Chicago people at our annual family BBQ next month. We’re heading to a resort, and it’s going to be a blast, hunny.


We are not supposed to do life alone. Hyper individualism is not the way. This idea that we don’t need anyone is not the song we are supposed to be dancing to. People brag about not having family and friends, and I think that’s sad. No wonder so many people are depressed. 

Whatever embracing community looks like to you, let it be more than a workcation or business venture. Let it be a real coming together. More than that, let it be a balm.

A reminder that community doesn’t just soothe the wounds, but sometimes, it also helps to stop the bleeding.

Rest is Revolutionary

Left to Right: Tarcia, KE, and EC

“Do revolutionaries rest?”

I laughed at Kathy’s question as we boarded the elevator to find something to wrap up my locs before I got in the water.

It was a line from Spike Lee’s film Malcolm X (or something to that effect). I was enjoying some much-needed time away at Kathy’s pool party in Florida. Her birthday is three days before mine, so it was the perfect quick getaway.

Her friend, Tarcia, echoed a similar sentiment about the importance of resting. I laughed because I don’t consider myself a revolutionary—I am just a person—but they were right: Rest is important, productive, and even revolutionary.

In a culture that glorifies the grind, where packed calendars are badges of honor and constant posting is mistaken for purpose, the sacred productivity of rest is often overlooked. We’ve been conditioned to equate stillness with laziness, but rest is not a sign of lack; it’s a source of strength. To be rested is to return to yourself. Rested minds see more clearly.

Rested souls make wiser choices. Rested bodies carry less tension and less fear. Rest is not an interruption of the work but part of it. It is where discernment sharpens, vision deepens, and peace becomes possible.

Our ancestors knew the value of quiet restoration. In resting, we remember what the noise tries to make us forget: we are worthy, even in stillness.

I don’t know where life finds you right now, but I wish you rest, sacred rest, deeper than sleep—the kind that restores what the world has worn thin. I wish you laughter that dances from your belly like praise and moments so light you forget to be guarded.

May you find spaces to let your crown breathe, your shoulders drop, and your soul stretch wide. I wish you peace that wraps around you like a warm blanket, sings to you like a lullaby, patience that doesn’t rush your becoming, and a calm as steady and holy as waves kissing the shore.

PS: Thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday, 5/26. I am always grateful because people don’t have to do these things or show up for you, so I appreciate those who do! Cheers to 38 and feeling great! lol 🙂

The Spanish Siesta

It’s been a minute!

I’ve been on vacation, touring four different cities in Spain. (Almoradi, Alicante, Madrid, and Guardamar.)

One interesting thing we noticed is how the stores close in the middle of the day.

In some parts of Spain, businesses take a few hours of break in the afternoon. They actually close their stores, and you won’t be able to go in until after the break.

They call this a Siesta, which means “a midday or afternoon rest or nap.” It comes from the Latin sexta, the 6th hour after dawn. The Siesta was a traditional break for agricultural workers in Spain and Italy, usually taken at noon to avoid the intense heat of the midday sun.

Imagine going to work and then taking a nap after lunch to be refreshed and ready for the evening hours.

This made me think about how other countries prioritize rest compared to America’s “no sleep” philosophy. Spaniards are so rejuvenated after the Siesta that many stay up all night, and some restaurants do not close until midnight.

And I mean they have a time! Card tables are out, children are running around, and the city is buzzing with life. The people seem content and joyful.

Meanwhile, we are over here exhausted, overworked, and stressed out.

We can use this as a lesson and appreciate breaks more whenever we need them, not just when society says it’s okay.

Let us refill our cups as needed to ensure we have everything we need to continue.

I wish you peace, and I wish you rest!

Rest Fuels Creativity

Novella Tolbert, my late Dad’s mom, aka my 100-year-old Granny!

Last week, I went home to Chicago and saw my dad’s side of the family for the first time in fifteen years. We extravagantly celebrated my grandmother’s 100th birthday in classic Tolbert fashion. I planned to bring my laptop but left it at home. Instead of squeezing in work, I played with babies and reminisced on memories.

Successful entrepreneurs travel a lot, but that travel is usually associated with the business. There is even a thing called work-cation, where you work while on vacation.

That’s all fine and dandy, but it is also not real rest.

Photo by Ihsan Adityawarman

It has been proven that taking frequent short breaks throughout the day improves productivity – but they need to be real breaks.

For example, not posting to social media while taking a social media break also includes not mindlessly scrolling or opening apps.

You must entirely disengage from whatever you are doing for a break to be truly rejuvenating.

Creative moments occur when the mind is relaxed rather than actively working since this is when the brain’s creative centers are most active.

I noticed that while in Chicago, I did not worry about my manuscript or work, even as orders poured in for book reviews.

Much of that has to do with a promise I made to myself at the end of 2022 that 2023 wouldn’t be a year of fatigue and exhaustion. I vowed not to rush the process or take on too much.

Rather than take my laptop and edit, I spent most of the time eating, laughing, sleeping, and basking in my family’s love.

Janiyah (12), and Jamie (4)

I learned that my 12-year-old niece didn’t know who Emmett Till was, so we took her and baby girl with us to the DuSable Museum.

Things are coming to me effortlessly as a result of letting things be. Yesterday, I found out that I am Soul (which is now at 71 reviews on Amazon!) and TWWBE are nearly sold out at Medu (again), identified a location for a future project, and established the groundwork for an event to celebrate National Poetry Month in April.

Have a restful weekend good people!

As the cool air whistles in from my back door, which is open, and the birds chirp their favorite afternoon tunes, I will continue to allow things to flow smoothly as I become a better version of myself.

Embracing the Beauty of Unhurriedness

Photo by Lisa Fotios

We might be at the start of a new year, but it is still the dead of winter. Everything else in nature is still resting and storing strength for the spring. By then, the grass will turn green again, and new life will erupt from what I call the real new year: when everything in nature renews and is reborn.

I cannot help but wonder why we, as people from the earth, aren’t more like it. Why do we feel the need to rush ourselves through life? What would happen if we took five to six months to rest, plan, strategize, pray, meditate, and think? What kind of wisdom would we cultivate in this space of solitude? How much more impact would we make if we were well-rested and revitalized instead of busy and drained?

I think of this as I return from my break and continue my work. Except for this year, that work includes rest and joy. I’m not panicked or anxious about letting people know what I am up to or doing. I am not swayed by what others are doing on social media or concerned about needing to do more because I recognize I am not behind or late. I am where I need to be, and the things I need to get done will get done, each in its own time.

I am excited about the future in ways I have not been before because stepping back and slowing down will help me be laser-focused on one thing at a time, which will help me accomplish more.

In no way do I intend to be booked and busy this year. I’d instead be paid and productive because productivity includes rest.

In this season, I am embracing the beauty of unhurriedness.