Tag: life

Coffee Date With Yecheilyah

Morning!

For those of you who are not already familiar, Coffee Dates are popular here in the blogosphere. Personally, I like to use them as a time to get personal. Not too much, but enough to let you in on what’s going on in my life. You know, just so you all are reminded that I’m not a robot.

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You know what I would absolutely love? If you would share with me how you like your coffee in the comments! Don’t drink coffee? Tell me about Tea! Or Hot Chocolate. Wait, it’s too hot for hot chocolate. OK whatever, let’s begin.

So..while you run out to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts and my Folgers is brewing, I’ll take out the International Delight Sweet Cream and a few coffee mugs. Oh, don’t worry about that, I have plenty. If there’s one thing I have tons of, its coffee mugs!

Whew, careful, that one’s hot. Let’s bring this on over to the couch. Yall know how we do. I like to get comfortable. Watch it, don’t trip over the boxes. I do apologize. I suppose I can start with those.

  • If we were having coffee right now, I’ll explain in great detail why my house is a mess right now. I’m actually an OCD cleaner but you can’t tell right now. Half full boxes is blocking the hallway, dishes are sitting on the couch with us, and the printer on top the kitchen table looks like our office space. Don’t worry, we aren’t hoarders or anything. Hubby and I are actually preparing to move which is both exhausting and exciting all the same. You may remember our last date when I spoke about our new place I was hoping (no, praying) we’d get. Well, we got it and I celebrated by going shopping for my bathrooms as if I’m already in the place. Yaass.
  • In honor of the 6 month anniversary of my latest book, I posted about my goal to reach 15 total reviews by August 15th a couple days ago. If you remember, I listed a few options to give everyone variety on how to help. Well, if we were having coffee right now I’ll say I’ve been bit by the doubt bug. I mean sure, I know this kinda thing only works with certain people and perhaps I was foolish to try it? I am ashamed to say that I’ve only received one response. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled about that! And to my credit, it’s only been a couple days. Check back with me in let’s say, a week. Maybe things will pick up.
  • If we were having coffee right now I’ll remind you about the play I was scheduled to be in, Blakk Amerika: From Prophets to Pimps. The production covers over 4,000 years of black history. We were scheduled to go on this past weekend in San Antonio Texas but we actually had to post-pone. I’ll keep you posted on the next showing. Who knows, maybe I’ll see you there!
  • I’m thinking about changing things around a bit here. If we were having coffee right now, I’ll tell you I figure since I’ll be decorating my home, I may as well decorate the blog too! What do you think? Do you like this design? Think I should change it? Which WordPress theme would you recommend?
  • If we were having coffee right now, I’ll inform you that I am finally starting to see some progress on my blog posts over at My Trending Stories where I freelance as well. It’s always exciting to notice the small progressions in your life and not just the negative stuff.
  • I ran across some interesting blog articles this week. If we were having coffee right now, I’ll tell you about the one that really caught my attention and why it gave me such inspiration. Kristen Lambs blog is always buzzing with excellent lessons and articles on writing. The one that caught my eye this week was her latest: Breaking Facebook Dependence—How to Create an Enduring Author Brand. Of course, based on the wealth of interaction on this post (as usual with Kristen), I can tell this one caught your eye as well. But let me explain why it caught mine.

This post was really personal to me. I am not very into Facebook and of late I have really not been into it. In truth, the only reason it’s not on deactivation mode right now is because my business pages are connected to my personal account and I don’t know how to cut my ties with the book without deleting those pages (if someone has insight, do tell!). So any who, I was feeling some type of way about Facebook already, especially far as using it for my authorpreneurship. I’ve read all of this information about how great Facebook is as a tool for writers and, of course it’s just good business since to have some presence there, but I just have not been feeling it of late far as Author Branding is concerned. And then came this post. In it, Kristen speaks about how the blog helps to build a closer and lasting relationship between the author and reader even more so than Facebook. Her many examples were the difference between working your butt off for a few more likes to a page vs working to stay consistent on your blog to gain faithful readers. I really connected with this because it’s one of the reasons I spend so much time with you! I’m just an all or nothing kind of person and I think it’s part of my work to be consistent here. Does it take away from my writing? Nope. Contrary to popular belief it is possible to maintain a healthy balance between blogging and your general writing schedule that does not distract from the other. Anyway, back to the post. Kristen’s most striking example however, the one that spoke to me the most, was this one:

“We are feeding all this great “bait” to “fish” we’ve already caught. Sure, good content on Facebook will lead to more people “liking” our page, but the shelf life is incredibly short.” – Kristen Lamb

I soo agree with this! I love the fish analogy. Especially since most people on our Facebook  pages are, let’s just go ahead and keep it real, fish we’ve already caught. I know for me, Facebook is filled with my Fam; people who love and support me and will support me in everything that I do. They are in essence fish I’ve already caught! I think investing in fam is important, but to grow readership will require attention to readers we have not yet attracted and this is why  I think this post is so important.

Anyway, enough about me. I’ve rambled on long enough. What about you? Tell me how you’re drinking your coffee / Tea this morning! (Or evening!)

The Potent Word

 

Can I spit poison into your life just by speaking words into your skin? Or can I speak life into your life by cultivating peace into your heart? Words. So important and potent, life threatening and life creating. We must never forget the power of words, their motives and intentions, their power and potency. I marvel at how easily we curse one another. Every day there is someone trying to clean up the blood they spilled by gossiping behind someone’s back, or begging for wishful deaths to go back to its chamber of meaning. Never tell someone you wish they’d leave this earth, or that you hate their guts. You may indeed be charged with murder before the words escape your mouth. I often wonder why I have taken on the task of this kind of bravery, to become a professor of words. To become part of a community where the next murderer is just one page away from me. Perhaps I have a death wish, releasing words into the air with only the hope that they will bring back life. I publish each post with shaking hands, a trembling finger; a focused mind. Carefully crafting and considering the words I put into the air. Writers. The bravest people I know. Managers of the potent word.

What I Said

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Is….it…Friday…yet…?

OK so you remember that post we talked about last night? Yea, well, we’ll have to wait on that. We’re in that transitional stage of moving and after packing all day I….can’t….even.

Enough about me, how are things with you? Been awhile since we just talked. How is life? Let’s have coffee tomorrow, what do you say? Yea? Excellent! Its a coffee date. Tomorrow at 8am CST. Be here.

Stop Being So Reactionary

From the EC Made Up Dictionary  –

Definition – a. A person who reacts to a situation or stresses by changing their thoughts, life, or persona to fit someone else’s reaction to that situation. b. To cater ones thought processes to the reactions of another c. Insecure in ones own views of self and dependent on the reactions of others for validation

Stop being so reactionary, or concerned about making decisions that will reflect the people around you if those people are not the right kind of people. Cut off those who are not lifting you up, inspiring you to be better, or encouraging you. Most people are actually more reactionary (per my definition) than they’d be willing to admit. This means they concern themselves with whether or not this decision will be for or against the status quo. Many of us are not risk takers because we’re afraid to fail. The person, however, who falls down seven times and stands up eight is stronger and a lot wiser than the person who never fell. You don’t have to concern yourself with how someone is going to receive or perceive you all the time. Stop being so dependent on how others feel about you to determine how you feel about yourself.

Outside The Box

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It is seeing the good

where good exist

and the bad too

without regard

to person or persona

It is passion

existing

in a universe

where truth is the only color

that matters

it is black balled fist

into the air

minus

the badge

of branding black power

to legitimize blackness

it is denouncing blackness

as a nation

it is a color

not a nation

it is nations

going underground

and bringing back a people

before slave ships

before slavery

before Africa

and America

before crack

and crooked laws

before history erased black Moses

and biblical laws

outside the box is back then

way back when

before the messiah’s eyes turned blue

back in the day

when his skin was brown

like you

It is keeping Saturday

when the world is Sunday

Sabbath

It is bible

outside religion

Faith

without being Christian

it is restoration

of a people

who ain’t been living

it is valley’s of dry bones

it is without waving flags

It is not expecting me to

celebrate freedom

in a land

where I ain’t never

been free

outside of the box

is honoring heroes

who were never

presidents

celebrating holidays

that ain’t on the calendar

it is rocking a fro

while penning proper English

it is nations brought in

while praising black skin

it is dred locs

without forged signatures

it is spitting salvation coated similes

to all people

without loosing sight

of who you are

it is sight

beyond the norm

call me anything but normal

this is life

outside the box

How I Stay Positive – The Four Agreements

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•Be impeccable with your word.
• Don’t take anything personally.
• Don’t make assumptions.
• Always do your best.

I try to stay true to these steps and in return they help me to maintain peace and positivity in my life.

Be impeccable with your word

We’ve all heard it before: “All a man has is his word”. This is the truest thing ever spoken. It doesn’t matter if that man is poor, if he is rich, if he has a successful career, etc. What sets him apart from the other is his speech. The things he says, how he says them and why. A good man or a good woman can always be dependable when it comes to their words. They are not gossipers, they are not slanderers, and they are not backbiters or murderers of the tongue. They make sure that the words they speak will not bring about negativity and strife either to themselves or others. Be impeccable with your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Flattery will get you nowhere. Let your actions speak.

To be impeccable with your word means to:

• Speak with integrity
• Say only what you mean
• Avoid using words to speak against yourself
• Avoid using words to speak against others
• Use the power of your word for truth and encouragement

2. Don’t take Anything Personally

This was a big one for me and I do believe for most people. The origin of strife and drama is usually because people choose to take things that other’s say way too personal. In return, they react (either by word or deed) in a defensive way. We forget that others have opinions and that these opinions are based on their own experiences and perspective. This means their words are a reflection of them NOT YOU. However, this is rarely if ever understood and we allow negativity to come into our space because we are so caught up in ourselves. We think that the things people say and do is always about us. Even when those things are about us, we are so quick to give up our power. But when we avoid taking stuff personally, we take away the power that others try to have over us and can instead focus on encouragement and positivity for ourselves and others.

Here are some techniques to help:

• Use “I” statements.
• Don’t put yourself down.
• Don’t use excuses or blame others.
• Offer any possible alternatives.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

This one is just as big as the last one: Don’t Make Assumptions! The problem that leads us here is usually our own convictions. We have issues (as we all have) and sometimes someone gives a message, or comment, or opinion that exposes these issues. The people or person exposing these issues are not intentionally targeting a specific person or group, they are simply stating truths. However, there is almost always someone who will be convicted by such truths and in turn become offended. As a result, because they cannot be sure if such a thing is targeted toward them specifically, they create the assumption that it’s just them and the other person in the world and the other person had so much time on their hands that they decided to speak negatively about them. The product of an assumption is always because someone took something personally or did not verify their sources. To avoid making assumptions, it is always best to gather all of the facts since many assumptions are made because people don’t ask for clarification. I chose to rid assumptions from my life by communicating as much as possible as not to create drama, gossip, and confusion < all of which are the result of an assumption.

4. Always Do Your Best

Stay away from the bare minimum and strive for excellence. Deny yourself the satisfaction of being lazy; instead, approach every project with the same level of professionalism despite the reward. The key to this agreement is to recognize when you are doing your best and accept those results despite the quality. Too often we set our goals by what other people deem important instead of what we know to be important. We whine and we complain that our results are not their results and this is a recipe for disaster and robs you of the positive in your life. As long as you look for confirmation from others you will always be second best. Instead, look to do things differently and to the best of your ability. Create a uniqueness that is exclusive to you and be good at it. This is what draws people into you, whether it is your writing or your blog. Always do the best you can and notice those small progressions in your life. To focus on being positive, encouraging and doing your best, stop focusing on the problem and work toward a solution. Learning comes by trial and error, so do not expect everything to succeed. Sometimes you’ll have to learn by doing it wrong. As such, you will begin to see why it did not succeed and try again the next time. Only this time you are so much more knowledgeable and wise about that thing. You did not focus on the act of failing, you focused on what you can do to succeed. Positive people always see the good in things because they focus on the good.

Don’t Compare

Let’s just be real for a moment shall we? There will always be times where you will feel inadequate. Times where you feel that your goals will always be too far to reach. Either your pockets are too thin or your faith just a few mustard seeds too small. In either event, we all have those moments were we second guess ourselves. Some people second guess their ability to be parents, some second guess that they are doing well at their jobs. Some of you even second guess your relationships. Will this last? Is it, is it real? That promotion? Maybe you second guess yourself there too.  Is this really what I am supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to be here? These times are bad enough, I do not need to explain. You’ve lived life. You understand. You don’t need my explanation of how doubt creeps underneath our skins and try altering our minds. What you do need is reassurance that comparing your situation to others is like slamming your head into the desk to try and heal a headache. OK, so maybe that was a violent example but it’s exactly what we do when we play the compare game. When I look at where I am in my life, personally, professionally, or otherwise I see  hope. But when I look at those who are where I am trying to go, personally or professionally, the colors don’t decorate the sky as much. And trust, I ain’t trying to reach for stars, but ain’t no rainbows either. We’ve all been here. The thing is, don’t compare. You can’t look at others to determine your growth because its yours. You’ve lived it and you’ve experienced it and unless someone somewhere know what its like to metamorph into someone else’s soul they can’t know what its like to walk in your shoes. Growth is the difference between who you are today and who you were yesterday. What can you see? It may not be a big rainbow people can see but I promise you there’s some lily’s and sunflowers down there some where, and some roses that grew from concrete. Always compare yourself up against yourself. Nothing more and nothing less. It’s the only way to win.

Keep growing.