The Accident

“She shouldn’t have been running across the street!” said a familiar voice in the crowd.

It was Cousin Rachel and if I had the energy to throw a scowl her way I would have. I still had not felt any pain and only prayed now that I would live. I scanned the crowd, it appeared the entire neighborhood had come to see the event. Heads popped outside of windows, neighbors stopped in their places and strangers huddled together alongside family, shoulder to shoulder, as if shielding me from the outside and encasing me inside the core of the sidewalk.

Meanwhile, my fingers tingled with blood that raced toward the tips because someone was squeezing the life out of my left hand, and their tears kissed their apologies on top my skin. She was the woman who hit me and was knee deep in apologies and instant compassion consumed me. I forgave the woman over and over again while simultaneously praying I wasn’t going to die. But I was talking in my head again. The lady had not heard me, my mouth still had not moved, and my memory only went as far back as rolling off the hood of someone’s car, down the window and onto the ground. (For some reason I remember sliding down the window). Prior to this I was on a quest for ice cream and decided a quick dash across the street would grant me this prized possession. Needless to say I was wrong.

It wasn’t until I looked down at my right thigh that the full realization of what happened came to me: my right thigh was twice the size of my left one. Still, I felt no pain. I felt nothing in fact. I just lay there consumed by thought and words that had no sound. It wasn’t until the Ambulance arrived and I made the transition from the ground to the vehicle that the shock wore off and the excruciating discomfort started.

emergency-room-sign

The arrival to the hospital itself is a blur. I was in so much pain that everything seemed surreal. It turns out that I’d broken my leg, or more precisely, my femur bone (the longest bone in your body, located near the thigh). I remember staring into the ceiling, my little brown body highlighted against the white sheets. My mom was to my left as we waited for the doctors to return. My whole right leg had been wrapped in some kind of casing and the feel of it was that it was getting heavier and heavier as time passed. As I cried out in agony, I could not understand what was taking them so long to come back. I also wondered who had done this cruel thing as to wrap my broken leg in a cast, which made my leg so unbelievably heavy that I could not lift it and supposed then that it was not only paralyzed, but by the time the doctors felt like getting started I would have no leg left, for it was diving deeper into the bed and the mattress began to fold over.

Of course, none of this really happened. My leg was not wrapped in a cast and was not sinking into the bed.

When the doctors and nurses finally did return, in what seemed hours later, they started to cut my clothes off which added to my rising dislike of these people. I was wearing something really cute that now sat in shredded pieces of nothing. Meanwhile, in my head, I was explaining to no one in particular about the evil doctor who commanded his men to try and make my leg disappear and cut up my nice clothes. I’m sure he wanted to do away with me and I was being taken to a secret laboratory in which this would happen. I was just about to imagine what he was going to do when someone put a pill in my mouth. When I woke up I was laying in recovery with a steel plate replacing my leg, twenty-four surgical staples piecing me back together and surrounded by family.

check-up

I still remember when mama took me to my first check-up. I assumed the clever doctors had found me and sought to continue their plan. In my head, I’d been rescued by family who found a way to piece me back together and store me away in recovery. Now however, we were on our way to the doctor’s office and had to cross a big street that I’m sure came out of nowhere. On my journey to get across, I wondered what kind of technology they were using. I’d better be careful not to step on the yellow lines; it may activate some special gadget and suck me deep into the ground. Because my enemies had decided it was better that I use a walker instead of crutches, which I’d hoped to experience, it took me what seemed forever to get across the street. The evil doctors had done it this time, they were back and I was sure that they had somehow stretched the already wide road so that with each step I was not getting closer, I was only getting further and further away. I thought about telling mama about these corrupt men but I didn’t want to blow my cover. If she was protecting me they couldn’t know about it.

When we got to the office and they removed the staples, I was instructed by the doctor to move my leg back and forth but I couldn’t do it. My body had not all the way adjusted to the steel plate and told me this wasn’t a very good idea. Instantly, I stopped and threw a scowl the doctor’s way, “Way to go genius that hurts.” But I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to kill me. I better not say anything, they may try to kidnap mom and throw me in that laboratory again.

*****

I would like to publish a memoir one day. While I am still undecided as to publish an entire manuscript, I have taken to writing down bits and pieces of my life story and publishing excerpts to this blog for practice. What you have read is the true story of when I was hit by a car at ten years old. Names of real persons have been changed to protect their identities.

Her Song

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Her fingers girdle themselves
around the microphone
like blessings wrapped in silk
prepared to sing poetic melodies
in front an audience too deaf to hear the angels
playing on the strings of her vocal cords
to witness the flapping of wings against their skin
too blind to see the messages dancing on her collar bone
but she sings still
and smells too much like happiness to be broken

Write Me a Picture

A blank faced lyric
how dull is the stare of a ball point pen
bleeding empty
This collection of words all myth in mouth
colorful descriptions
that cannot pierce the skin
or cut the bone and tendons of image
What lay beyond the composition of a word undefined
What triviality is a tasteless meal
What kind of food is this
What scarlet
What fine silk
What significance are thoughts under ball pointed pens
that have no pixel
And cannot paint
That cannot walk across the bottomless ocean of sing
Cannot sing this gut
What rebellious tongue
What confusing blood from bleeding pens
Something strange these destinations duplicate
Copied vision
No fire
No engines and bare fist
No fight beyond the pretty
No pretty beyond the picture
twisted mouths
no open minds
Do you mind?
writing me a picture
viewable beyond my eyes
write me something I can see
with my gut
and feel underneath my skin
no just sound good
no just feel euphoria
but write me a picture
beyond ball pointed pens
and pixels

A Message to The College Bound

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I first want to give sincere congratulations to all of my High School Grads going on to College this year! What an exciting journey! Education happens to be another passion of mine and I love seeing young people achieve. Sure, I have my thoughts on the school system as a collective whole, but that doesn’t mean it’s all bad. I still love the idea of continuing ones education and if I didn’t have mad student loans, it is something I wouldn’t mind going back to.

So, I was speaking to a niece of mine and I do have a some suggestions for those stepping into this new life:

  • Don’t Have Too Much Fun

College is a different world than High School. Partying and drinking all night may make you popular, but your professor will fail you, without mercy and without pity. The decisions you make now are extremely critical and they impact you for life. Don’t be the person who could have graduated but was too busy chasing sex and Hennessy to study. This is your chance to be the adult you couldn’t wait to be. This means maintaining discipline, control, and making wise decisions. College students, especially freshmen, are green lights to those who only want to cause your downfall. This is not High School which means you should always be aware of your surroundings and use logic in every decision you make.Trust for these first years should not be a big priority, get to know people first or they will take advantage of you.

  • Be Sure to Choose a Major that is in Line With the Career Path You Want to Take.

Political Science sounds good on paper, but you’ve been into math your whole life, why not accounting? Some actions don’t require research, just common sense. Make sure your majors line up with your career path and goals. Don’t just pick anything because it sounds cool, but make sure it will lead you to where you want to be. Beware also of majors that won’t get you anywhere after you graduate. For instance: Unless you are trying to be a preacher, a major in Theology’s not going to do much for you. Philosophy is another one that sounds deep, but won’t take you anywhere in the real world. Make sure your course of study is in an area that is strong, where there are plenty of careers in that field.

  • Don’t Choose Your School Just Because of its Prestigious Reputation

Don’t believe the hype. I’m sure we would all like to go to Harvard but there’s a good chance you can save a lot of money going to a smaller school and receive the same level of education. Don’t limit yourself to what you see on TV, but keep your options open and never participate in something because you just heard about it. Do your research and make sure it’s the right thing for you.

  • Have Fun!

There’s enough hard work and study to go around for everybody, but don’t forget to enjoy the experience because once its over that’s it. You will never get the opportunity to experience this again. Even as we age, College for the first time is never as fresh and as exciting as it is when you are fresh out of High School. Many of you will have your own apartments for the first time, your own space by way of a dorm room, you’ll get to pay your own bills for the first time and make big decisions on your own. It’s just a different experience at 17 and 18, than 40 and 45 because life is just beginning; so if you have a chance to do it now don’t wait. Take it all in, study but don’t forget to breathe, it’s a wonderful moment and it will disappear before you know it. I started off saying not to have too much fun, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have any. Just balance your time and discipline yourself and you’ll do fine.

Patience

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Whether were talking about blogging or life in general, we have got to start being more patient with one another. As soon as we see something different, be it a viewpoint or belief system, so many of us are ready to throw in the towel. The concept, however, of networking is to learn from each other, and to build while gaining insight along the way because the fact of the matter is that we don’t know everything; which means that everyone you meet will always have something new to teach you. Their eyes have seen what yours have not and their strengths may in fact include what you are still striving to obtain for yourself and vice verse. We can’t be in such a hurry to condemn and to judge someone’s actions because we can’t see how it is relatable to our lives at this very moment. The most cowardly thing I’ve seen online, for instance, is when one blogger chooses to disagree with another person’s blog but instead of approach the person directly, to this person’s dismay, they have to read about it in that person’s post and then guess whether or not they’re the person being spoken about. If this sounds confusing and juvenile that’s because it is. I see this many times on Facebook and sadly it has not escaped the blogosphere but is something people seem to do often on social media. Not that this has happened to me personally, I’m just using this as an example. It is never good to assume and always worth it to ask questions. Nothing anyone says or does is always about you personally. You see, patience is everything and covers many different angles. So it’s easy to miss something if we can’t control our emotions and are quick to fly off the handle. Did you really think no one on the internet would ever disagree with you? Ever? I allow varying viewpoints on my blog because that’s the real world. As much as we would like to make our blogs our own little world in the corner of a room it doesn’t work like that. It’s not going to always be lollypops and rainbows, but sometimes there will be a little thunder. Reaching people is not just about sitting around the table talking to people who already believe exactly as you do because it’s no growth in that. For this reason, I allow people to have disagreements here because it’s that way in life. Being flexible doesn’t mean to give up what you believe in, it just means to understand how to navigate the world around you. Leaders are born from patience.