Loss of Identity

–    A woman who chooses to stay home either to raise children or not is not suffering from an identity crisis. She has not lost sight of who she is as a person and what she wants just because she chooses not to break the glass ceiling. Staying home does not mean watching TV all day and spending eight hours in the kitchen. Instead, it gives women a chance to be creative and to pursue dreams they probably never thought possible. With time on their hands and the financial support of their men, these women go out into the community to volunteer and get involved in all sorts of creativity. They are proud to spend all day with their children or their husband if they have no children and to prepare healthy meals for their families. These are the women who do not stuff small mouths with junk food and candy. They take their time purchasing only the choicest goods, they cook and they clean. These undervalued skills contribute largely to the physical, spiritual, and psychological development of the youth. Children who are fed well and loved well can better focus at school among other things. In short, these women are not bored just because they choose the one career underappreciated the most in this society: Family.

Submission = Abuse

• The image at the start of this post is very disturbing to me. Even more disturbing is that we believe this is what submission is because the Ads, TV commercials, and Hollywood movies told us so. A woman who submits to her man is not being abused by him. Abuse can happen in any relationship at any time, it has nothing to do with submission itself. Because abuse can happen to anyone at anytime it is critical that women understand their value and their worth before trying to find it in a man. You are what you attract and no one, man or woman, who has not learned to love themselves first has any business trying to love anyone else. That said, a wife who submits to a husband simply respects him and his decisions within the family structure as head of her household. It does not mean that the woman is weak or is in any way less capable of leading. Submission simply means to be in agreement because no family can thrive if the house is divided. All parties must be on one accord and as a man’s natural position is to lead, he handles this role well. By nature women are attracted to men in who they see strength. While it is natural for women to get caught up in the everyday life of children and work her love and attention to the man should not cease. I like to call this “Keeping the Spark”. A man who gets this kind of attention from his woman gives it right back (that is if he is a man) and is less likely to seek it elsewhere. Otherwise, it will be difficult for that man to thrive in a home in which his own woman doubts him. The contented face of a happy man has no equal. By happy I am not referring to sex. Though important, sex is not marriage but a part of it. A man provides more than sex and money but leadership, guidance, and discipline for our children. In the 1960s Black marriages were at its best. Black men accepted their roles as natural leaders and black women followed. We stood by them, we supported them, and our homes thrived.

She is Unhappy

• The problem here is that we have devalued the role of the wife and mother; as if there is a position higher than this. Being a stay-at-home wife or mother is a prestigious position, one that no Hollywood job or high-class position will ever be able to fulfill. Not all women are made to fit this role nor do all women want to and that’s their business. But for those who do, they are not unhappy and depressed just because they choose to treat their men like Kings and make leaders of their children. More wives would keep their husbands if they understood one simple truth: treat him as if he is the most important man in all the world. As far as you are concerned, this man can rule the world with you by his side. There is no man like your man. Is this not how you want to feel? Like you’re the one woman who can rule the world? That you are queen? Why would he want anything different than to be lavished by the woman he loves? When a man feels like he can conquer the world, he will.