Tag: Interracial Relationships
Week #2: Beyond The Colored Line: Inside Interracial Marriages with Author Lisa Tetting
It’s kind of hard to believe this today, but as recent as 1967, there was actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.
Although there are no longer any laws banning relationships, interracial dating remains a controversial subject for some people.
Welcome to Week #2 of my Fall Interracial Blog Feature! The Interracial Blog Feature was inspired by my new book, “Beyond The Colored Line”, and was created as a means to foster a better understanding of diverse relationships. Today, we welcome Lisa W. Tetting, author of “The Mistreatment of Zora Langston” to the convo.
EC: Hey Lisa, I’m so excited to have you spending time with us today. Can you give the racial background of you and your husband for the record and how long you’ve been together?
LT: Thanks for having me. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and married for 15 of those. I am of African American decent and he is Caucasian.
EC: Wow! So collectively you have been together longer than I’ve been alive! That’s so beautiful. Now, what are some challenges that interracial couples deal with that couples of the same race may not have to deal with?
LT: The obvious answer would be dealing with the stares of people who are not used to seeing mixed raced couples. Some people stare at us out of curiosity and others show complete disgust. Living in the south is somewhat challenging, but I will say it is easier today than when we first started dating. I can’t say for sure if it is a change in society or if we have simply gotten used to other people’s reactions.
Another challenge would be cultural differences. I have heard other mixed raced couples who say they struggle with their partner understanding their mindset and the differences in upbringing. I lucked out in that department because my husband was immersed in the culture and there have been very few times where he needs something explained. The same goes for me as I have always been someone who has an insatiable curiosity. This afforded me the opportunity to interact with people from all walks of life and all races.
EC: Awesome. Do you have any tips or advice to help couples overcome these challenges?
LT: As far as dealing with other people’s response to their relationship the only advice would be to ignore them. As with any relationship, you will never be able to please everyone so it is best to worry about pleasing the two people involved. No one else matters and that goes for family as well as strangers. If your family loves you they will come around and if not do you really want that kind of person in your life? You have the privilege of choosing your mate in this country so don’t let anyone deter you from being happy.
Speaking on cultural differences, you just have to show patience when learning the differences and be sure to wear your thick skin because there will be times when your partner will say something you may find offensive, but they are clueless to your interpretation. Be an open book and teach your partner instead of expecting them to know.
EC: Hmm, I love when you said your partner may not understand something, which is so true. Sometimes we are so used to being defeated that we are instantaneously offended at the mere thought of something when it was not intended to be that way from the perspective of the other person. I love that. Now, when African-Americans and Whites marry, there is more likely to be an African-American husband and a white wife. In fact, 73 percent of all African-American and White marriages have this setup. In your opinion and your experience with Interracial Relationships, why do you think Black men are more likely to date outside of their race?
LT: Actually, I have found that less than 12% of African American males marry outside of their race, this is according to the 2010 census figures. That being said, I feel when it comes to mixed race couples, black men may be more likely to date white females as opposed to black women dating white males. However, it seems the tables are turning in this aspect and more black women are allowing themselves to think and date outside the box.
EC: That is interesting since I hear a lot of black people, women in particular, accusing other blacks of being “sell outs” when they date outside their race. Have you ever had the misfortune of the title and why do you think this is?
LT: Actually I have never had that title bestowed upon me, at least not to my face. LOL. In my experience when dealing with other black women once they are aware that my husband is white; I am usually met with curiosity. Most of the time they have questions about how white men treat you as opposed to black men and my answer is always the same. A man is a man and he will treat you according to his upbringing and his interest in you. The manner in which he treats you depends on how you carry yourself, no matter his color.
EC: “A man is a man”, I love that. Let me know if this is too personal, but I have to ask: I’ve always known you to be married since following your blog, but I can’t remember ever seeing any pictures of your husband. Why is that?
LT: It is not too personal of a question as I am an open book. I try not to inundate my blog with pictures of my husband out of respect for his privacy because he is not one who indulges in social media. However, I have posted several pictures of my husband, some with me and some alone, on my blog.
EC: Oh, lol. So that means I ain’t been looking then huh? LOL. My husband is actually like that too. He’s not on social media, not even Facebook. His patience is really low with that sort of thing so I definitely understand that. Now, I’ve always wondered about the conversations between interracial couples concerning the ongoing racial tensions surrounding blacks and whites. Are there any moments where you and your husband disagree with a subject that is race related? If so, how do you deal with that?
LT: As far as conversations on racial tension, we are more times than not of the same mindset. The disagreements that may happen occasionally would arise from my inability to turn off my emotions when they are high and his need to move on from the subject at hand. Like most men, he feels a need to fix it and move on where me being an emotional female, I want to continue the conversation longer than necessary.
EC: LOL, right? These emotions I’m telling you. Now, any time before 1967 your relationship would technically be illegal. How does that make you feel today with the knowledge that you’ve chosen to be with someone outside of your race?
LT: I am very fortunate to have been born after 1967 and am thankful to Mildred and Richard Loving for the courage they showed in getting this archaic law removed from the books. It is very disconcerting to think I would not have been able to marry my soul mate if we had been born of that generation.
EC: Very true. Lisa, I want to thank you again for being part of this series. For the outsiders looking in, the people who are struggling to accept Interracial Relationships, do you have any advice for them?
LT: Open your mind! When you least expect it you may be surprised to learn you have more in common with someone who does not look or act like you. Get out of your neighborhood and travel. It is the one way to remove stereotypes and fear of the unknown. I’ve heard people say they are not racist, but feel people should stick to their own kind. I have a few words for them; I am sticking to my own kind… Human Kind!
EC: I know that’s right, gone girl tell it! I absolutely love traveling yaaass. You’ve been married for quite some time, what is the one thing that has helped you to survive your Interracial Marriage?
LT: This is not beholden to just Interracial Relationships; all marriages require love and care as well as good communication. You have to really like the person you have chosen to spend your life with; not just love them, but like them. If you don’t respect your spouse it is a recipe for disaster.
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And that’s it family, Lisa W. Tetting on Interracial Marriages. As you can see from our Q&A, the purpose of this series is to shed light on the fact that mankind was made to be compatible with one another regardless of race. Thank you Lisa for joining me in this series. It was insightful, educational, and I had a great time!
Be sure to check out Lisa’s Social Networking sites and to purchase a copy of her book, “The Mistreatment of Zora Langston.” Stay tuned for another episode of Inside Interracial Marriages next week. You don’t want to miss our next interviewee!
Author Website
Blog
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Twitter: (@rebirthoflisa)
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You can purchase Lisa’s book on Amazon here.
Week #1: Beyond The Colored Line: Interracial Blog Feature with Misty Thomas
It’s kind of hard to believe this today, but as recent as 1967, there was actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.
Although there are no longer any laws banning relationships, interracial dating remains a controversial subject for some people. The Interracial Blog Feature was inspired by my new book, “Beyond The Colored Line”, and was created as a means to foster a better understanding of diverse relationships. Today, we welcome a good friend of mine, Misty Thomas. Misty is the director of a privately owned Montessori School in Houston Texas for children ages 6 – 12 years.
EC: Thank you Misty for spending time with us today. Can you give the racial background of you and your husband for the record and how long you’ve been together?
MT: Hello Yecheilyah. Thanks for inviting me to your blog. I am of mixed nationalities, but I guess most people would call me white. My husband is mixed, his mother is black and his father is black, Mexican, and native Indian.
EC: Wow, I love it. Now, the character in my book, Stella May, is what the people of her era deem a “mulatto” that is, she is of mixed ancestry. You have children who are biracial. What advice would you give to mothers of mixed children on how to deal with the stigmas that are often placed to them?
MT: My advice for that question would be to just raise your children as you would if they weren’t of mixed races. I have not yet come into contact with any issues with my children being mixed and anyone giving us any troubles or acting racist.
EC: I love that. Speaking of racism, what are some challenges that interracial couples deal with that couples of the same race may not have to deal with?
MT: This one we have definitely dealt with from people in passing and within our own families when we first started dating. Most of the time if people should look at us in any hateful way it comes from us either being at a place where there is mostly African American people or somewhere where there are mostly white people. People sometimes make faces or just stare and you can feel what they must be thinking. It doesn’t bother us though. With our families in the beginning…I think it was them worrying what others would think.
EC: That is interesting that you say that the looks usually come from an exclusive black group or white group, makes me think about the racial divide still present in America. Now, from observation, when African-Americans and Whites marry, there is more likely to be an African-American husband and a white wife. In fact, 73 percent of all Black and White marriages have this setup. In your opinion and your experience with Interracial Relationships as a white woman, what attracts you to black men?
MT: I do see this is more common that you see white women with African American men. Me personally…I don’t think I have only been attracted to African American men for any particular reason and I have been one to date men of all races. I grew up in a diverse city.
EC: I’m glad you put that out there. Speaking of diversity, I have to bring up this point. I hear a lot of black people, black women in particular, accusing other blacks of being “sell outs” when they date outside their race. Have you or your husband ever had the misfortune of the title and why do you think this is?
MT: I have only had one person or woman hate on me for being with “their” men. We have never had anyone call my husband a sell out or speak out against us being together though anywhere else.
EC: Shame on that one person, smh. Now, a lot of people discern that blacks who speak with a professional tongue are trying to sound white. I speak from experience. My husband is not white but he’s very educated and he too grew up in a diverse city where the majority of people in the town were white. Of the blacks present, he was teased by them a lot for his speech. They said that he sounded, “White”. As a white woman, what are your thoughts on this? Is there such a thing?
MT: I think that is ridiculous and people just stereo type black people. My husband and everyone in his family are well spoken. There are plenty of people of all colors of skin that speak improper.
EC: I’ve always wondered about the conversations between interracial couples concerning the ongoing racial tensions surrounding blacks and whites. Are there any moments where you and your husband disagree with a subject that is race related? If so, how do you deal with that?
MT: Lol, actually we have never had any disagreements in any racial conversations. We know that racism was created by man and we don’t see each other as being different.
EC: Whew, you said something there, “we know that racism was created by men”. Can I quote you on that? LOL. Seriously, that is such a great point. Now, we’re almost done here. Any time before 1967 your relationship would technically be illegal. How does that make you feel today with the knowledge that you’ve chosen to be with someone outside of your race?
MT: Doesn’t surprise me, I have never been one to care what others think or one to follow. I might be one that some would of called a rebel….lol. I don’t like the hatred from the past history, but it is what it is.
EC: Misty, I want to thank you again for being part of this series. If there is one form of advice you would give to people still struggling to accept Interracial Relationships, what would it be?
MT: Your welcome, any time. One thing I would like to share with people who struggle with interracial relationships is that I feel it is a form of being colorblind. You could be blocking yourself of growth as a person for being blinded by color.
EC: Wow, blocking your own growth, that’s deep. As someone who has been married for some time, name one thing that has kept your relationship going.
MT: Love.
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And that’s Misty Thomas on Interracial Marriages, thanks Misty! As you can see, the purpose of this series is to shed light on some of the racial biases that still exist here in America. It is easy to become offended at such topics and say that “a relationship is a relationship” and while this is true, it doesn’t change the fact that these biases still exist. That said, mankind was created to be compatible with one another regardless of race. Thank you Misty for helping me to shed light on that reality. Your interview was insightful, educational and I sure did learn a lot.
In the meantime, tune into next weeks segment on Beyond The Colored Line: Interracial Blog Feature. You don’t want to miss next weeks interview!
Interracial Blog Feature- Interview Reminder for 10/8/2015
This is a reminder to tune into The PBS Blog every Thursday starting tomorrow 10/8/2015 until the end of this month for my Interracial Blog Feature. In this series, I will be interviewing four individuals who are in Interracial Relationships. Each week, they will be sharing with us their experiences beyond the colored line, the ups, downs, joys and triumphs. Each person provided a different perspective into the subject of race and its influence on relationships. Not only did it provide me with a history lesson but we all learned something in the process. They have sent me pictures of their beautiful families and handled each question with intellect, honesty, and fierceness! I love that.
The Interviews are scheduled to post every Thursday morning (starting tomorrow) until the end of the month at 8:00p CST. I can’t wait to witness your support of my friends and to show you what they had to offer.
Until tomorrow,
– EC
Interracial Blog Feature Update: Schedules
OK, whew. So, I still have minor touch ups to do but I finally have the interviews together and have decided on dates for this series. I am so excited about those who volunteered to participate; your answers blew me away! Ya’ll are not ready for what these wonderful ladies have to tell.
I like to keep things fresh and exciting so I have decided not to post an interview every day. But this feature will run instead once a week (Thursday) for the last four weeks of October:
October 8th – Misty Thomas
October 15th – Lisa W. Tetting
October 22nd – Allison Wells
October 29th – Wrap Up and Surprise
Post Time: 8:00a CST
Because of the nature of this series, it was easy to pre-judge my intentions. However, those who participated didn’t do that and instead showed great respect for this project and we all learned something in the process. For this reason, I have a great surprise for them at the conclusion of this series. That’s right; you have to wait allll the way until the 29th of next month, but I will say that it is worth the wait. It will be my token of appreciation for sharing a part of yourself with me because you didn’t have to do it.
Until next time. Yall be great.
Interracial Blog Feature – Interviews This Fall
In 1968, a year after the release of the film Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner, about a black man who wanted to marry a white woman, a Poll revealed that just 20 percent of Americans thought it was OK for a white person to marry a black person. According to a recent 2011 Gallup Poll, 96 percent of African-Americans and 84 percent of whites accept the idea. Today, as of 2015, the subject of Interracial Relationships is still Taboo.
Are you in an Interracial Relationship? Would you mind being interviewed for a chance to share your story? You never know who you may touch with your experience. Join me in my Interracial Blog Feature Coming this Fall.
Email me @: ahouseofpoetry@gmail.com if you’re interested. I would love to have you.
The PBS Blog 