On “Keeping it Real”

Time for some real talk before the week ends.

I am sitting here getting some work done before the sun sets and a thought came to me. It’s a thought I’ve thought on many times before and that I voice with my husband many times over, though I’ve never said much of it publicly. The thought is in keeping it real. I don’t like the term and frankly, the fact it has become a catchphrase annoys me. I understand what is meant by it. I know how important it is to be real and to “tell it how it is.” I understand no one should ever water themselves down and more, no one should ever sacrifice their integrity for the sake of being “Liked.” That’s not the part that annoys me. What annoys me is when we use this term to assume things about people that are not true, we perceive wrongly and our discernment is off. Why is this? Because “Real” is different for each individual but we act as if it means the same for everyone.

Just because I limit my profanity, read the Bible, encourage people and don’t say the first thing that comes to my mind doesn’t make me fake, for instance. This is who I am and these are things I do even when no one is looking. I am not perfect just a little boring. I like to read all day, spend time with my family, write, laugh and drink wine. That’s literally it as anyone who knows me and has been around me more than 5 minutes could testify to. No one is worth me getting out of character for so I don’t try to “fit in” by being unfiltered. That would be fake of me.

Another example is on telling the truth. I do understand the realness that deals with being open and frank about things. I encourage it because it’s needed. For example, women, don’t get with a man just because the sex is good.

That’s a form of keeping it real or telling it like it is because you are telling the truth. But, this doesn’t always mean the person is being real either. I’ve spent years around people who were direct, forthcoming, and to the point but were still phony. Not because I think they should tell all their business or because the things they said weren’t true but because they were not being a real reflection of who they truly are.

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My point is what’s real for you isn’t necessarily real for someone else. You may be funny, loud, quiet, outspoken, reserved, or direct. My blog has a serious feel to it because that’s my persona. I’m a serious person. I expect your blog to reflect your persona. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re truthful like in our example, if you tell people how it is, no filter, be that. The point is, people don’t have to act like you or do what you do to be authentic. They may post a lot or post a little but that doesn’t mean they are trying to get something out of you. They may tweet a lot or post on Facebook or IG a lot, that doesn’t mean they are seeking attention. Maybe they are just “doing them.” Maybe they actually enjoy blogging. Maybe they enjoy posting. Perhaps it’s fun to them. Maybe the standards and limitations you apply to your own space don’t apply to them. Maybe, just maybe, this is who they are. Remember this the next time you judge.

 

Enjoy your weekend people.

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How did I change clothes so quickly? Tee hee.

 

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Be Yourself on Social Media

Social media has created an environment where people who live in their mother’s basement can post pictures of traveling the world so that the world will never know they’re homeless. Couples can smile and cuddle under the flash of a Selfie while sleeping in separate beds. Writers are encouraged to show snapshots of their lives so readers can see the real but is it? Real? We want people to Like Us and Follow our life but most of what you see online is superficial. Just because you don’t see much of me doesn’t mean I am unhappy. You don’t see me posting lots of pictures of my life because I actually have one. Not many pictures of my husband because we are truly happy so I don’t feel obligated to prove it. I’ll post them when I feel like it. No images of food because I cook in real life. There’s nothing wrong with sharing a piece of yourself online but it does not define who you are. If you’re not into getting personal on social media that doesn’t mean you’ve doomed a failure. Just because they (I still don’t know who they are) say you have to tell us what you had for dinner last night doesn’t mean that you must if that’s not who you are. My social media of choice is Twitter but only because I like it. I Tweet and Retweet when I want to and to be honest I’m not thinking about how it makes me look. I’m not thinking about what people think of me, I’m just doing what I enjoy doing. The point is that the uniqueness we all talk about is important to have is really simple. It just means that you are being yourself. This automatically sets you apart because this “Yourself” is different from anyone else. Not even Twins have the same fingerprint (and as a Twin I can tell you we can be very different. Tracey and me are two different people who happened to be born five minutes apart). If the expert says I should post more about my favorite food, I get it. Try and be relatable but is this me? No, it’s not me because EC does not talk about food. My point is that advice must be filtered or it will have you behaving in ways that aren’t you. I am not saying not to be strategic but that you can still be successful without getting extremely personal if that’s just not you. If you remember nothing else remember this: in a world of sameness you’re either different or invisible so you may as well just be yourself because YOU are unique and beautiful and all the words I didn’t say.

If These Walls Could Talk

Wall

They would scalpel the mask off your face
Pull back the deception bleeding from your eyes
And reveal how dark you really are.
A slave to the ignorance pulsing from your mouth
Cloned imagination
Words bending, tainted by the cold lashes of society
Originality lying desolate
The inability to bring forth substance
Meat
And bone
Without nourishment
No cultivation
Of the mind
If these walls could talk
they would verbalize the truth
that you starve of love
dish out hatred
but cannot take it
glossed over and hidden beneath a poetic lyric
you love blindness
infatuated with the concept of searching your face in the shadows
chasing tails
finding no where
and understanding none at all
it is easier to be real
than to be mask
a lesson too many have not yet learned
what kind of life really exist inside the pen of a poet?
The things they would tell
If only these walls could talk
And you know what

they do.