Emotional Hair

“Can you remove your hood in the store ma’am?”

That was the last I heard of the store clerk after removing the hood. I’d stepped once more into a sea of misplaced smiles, the check-out line occupied by a mixture of awe and wonder, of marvel and disgust alike. And it all started six years ago.

January 3, 2009

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My husband and I were in Norman Oklahoma for a documentary production to which we were preparing to premier that summer. Meanwhile, I’d become fed up with the perm and decided I was no longer going to be engaged in such a one sided relationship. I was tired of complaining about what to do with it and tired of it not growing much in return. What did this hair think it was anyway? I was supposed to spend money on perms and braids while it just sat there. Nope. I was not having it. And so while at my sister’s house, letting her husband and mine occupy the office while we did girl things, I decided right then and there to let her twist my hair.

It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I had no idea how deeply I would fall for this new thing in my life, or how much emotion something as seemingly unimportant as hair, would garner.

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It was easy in the beginning. Like any other relationship the “newlywed” phase was going smoothly. While I mostly kept it covered with head wraps to which I had also fell for, my selfie game was tight. This was before Facebook though and I wasn’t really into MySpace, so most of these pictures were not published online. That was ok though because this was just the beginning. I couldn’t be sharing this new love of my life with everyone. It was like I had met myself for the first time. I felt alive, strong, and free.

Eventually, I could not keep my hair under wraps for too long. I loved the head wraps but they had become hot and uncomfortable. My hair was growing faster than it had in my life and was attempting to crawl down my back. In addition, I started to enjoy the look of myself without the head wrap even more. My hair was no longer just a combination of DNA strands emerging from the follicles of my scalp, but it was part of everything I did. I had to take into account the way my hair looked when I got dressed, and when I added accessories. “Does this hair go with these shoes? Hmmm”. Now, I was ready to hit the streets.

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No, not like that (get your minds out the gutter). I mean I was ready to take on the world. That is when I noticed it. This hair took on more attention than I did. It stopped people in the streets. Stopped them mid-sentence. It even momentarily stopped women from shopping (now that’s serious!) How could they risk going on without asking me how I got my hair like that? Men too marveled, “See I want my hair that thick”, they would say. It was really something and opened the door to deeper questions of identity. I often get questions concerning where I’m from. They think I’m going to reply:

Nigeria”.

Instead I say, “I’m originally from Chicago”.

“Oh”, they say and continue to stare. I smile because I get it. They are confused because I don’t look like an American. I like that.

Trouble in Paradise

Not all of the attention brought on by this hair is good. There are a lot of people who look at me like I disgust them. In truth it is because they’re curious about me. It is not just my hair that is different and they can sense it. This brings me to the beginning of this post.

“Can you remove your hood in the store ma’am?”

It was the last thing I heard before my feet was crossing the threshold out of Family Dollar. The few customers present bathed me in eyeballs and the employees spoke in whispers among themselves. After ringing me up the man didn’t bother to inform me on the final cost of my products. It was as if he thought I could read his mind. Good thing I can count. I peered over the computer screen and paid what was due. With that I walked out of the store. No one ever said a word.

First you get people all excited, then curious, angry, surprised, and even fearful. Look at you turning heads and opening minds, you emotional hair you!

The Problem With Natural Hair On TV

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PHOTO: COURTESY OF ABC.

An article was recently published about the rise of Natural Hair among black women on TV. Below is the featured article. What are your thoughts?  Is there a conscious awareness connected to the sudden surge of natural hairstyles from Blacks? Do you think it matters what state the hair is in?

The Problem with Natural Hair on TV

by Taylor Bryant

“If you tuned in to “How to Get Away with Murder” recently, you know that Viola Davis has spent some screen time without her wig on. It proved not only to be a raw and emotional episode, but it displayed a rare moment: a Black woman with natural hair on a mainstream TV network.

Turn back the clock 20 years, and you’d be hard-pressed to see a Black actress with hair that was anything other than just-got-out-of-the-salon laid. Flip through the tube in 1995, and you might find: the ladies from Living Single, all with straight strands (with some weaves thrown in), the freshly blowdried ‘do’s of Laura and Harriette on Family Matters, and Gina and Pam’s permed-out hair on Martin. Fast-forward a couple more years, and there’s some more representation with a two-for-one curly appearance in the form of the Mowry twins onSister, Sister. But, even their coils were straightened later in the series. As writer, fashion expert, and image activist Michaela Angela Davis points out, non-curly hairstyles that dominated the small screen in the ’90s were very much a sign of the times. “We were in a very conservative moment,” she says. “Relaxers were easier to get, easier to use, weaves came in…and getting straight hair just got more accessible.”

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While we’ve seen Black women’s natural hair on the small screen before the present-day era — these kinds of landmark moments date back to Cicely Tyson’s ’60s role in East Side/West Side — it’s becoming more common, and the new movement has been a long time coming.

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PHOTO: COURTESY OF ABC.

What does this modern evolution look like? Actress Tracee Ellis Ross has worn her curly crown in all its glory since 2000 on the (sorely missed) show Girlfriends, and continues to do so today, as the lead actress on ABC’s Black-ish. “I’m very conscious of how I wear my hair on the show, and yet it’s the way I wear my hair as Tracee,” she told Entertainment Weekly in December. “You hire me, you hire my hair, and you hire my ass. It’s all coming with me.” And, who could forget Davis’ wig-removal scene in earlier episodes of HTGAWM, which spurred many a think piece? According to Kent Nelson, the show’s hair-department head, Davis’ character Annalise is “unmasking” herself. “The armor and mask that she goes to work in every day is coming off,” he says. It signifies vulnerability, intimacy, and a shedding of society’s expectations. Which brings us to the problem with natural hair on TV right now: Yes, there are a lot more instances of it, but the way characters with it are depicted is not necessarily positive.

Take the Netflix series Orange Is the New Black, where the characters embrace, arguably, the widest range of textured styles in a series today (with the exception of Laverne Cox’s character, who, let’s be honest, would look fabulous with any style). There’s cornrows on Taystee, a short TWA style on Poussey, and, of course, Crazy Eyes’ signature bantu knots. “We really haven’t seen that many characters [like the OITNB ladies] on TV before,” says lead hairstylist Angel DeAngelis. “I think that’s why the show is so relatable and popular; because these prisoners look like people that are out there.”

Recipe Sunday – All Natural Homemade Deodorant

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Today’s Recipe Sunday comes from an ingredient given to me by a sister of mine. For the record she’s more into this kind of stuff than I am. I love natural hair, toothpaste, shampoo, soap and stuff like that, but I’m not so sure I’m on the whole natural deodorant bandwagon. I don’t particularly like to sweat though your naturally supposed to, and I’m not all that into the smell of my own DNA. However, this is a really nice ingredient for all you naturalist out there; smells good and very simple to make. You will need:

1/4 cup Baking Soda
(don’t you just love this stuff? It’s good in practically anything)
1/4 cup Arrowroot Flour OR Cornstarch / Potato Starch
6 tbsp. Coconut Oil
Essential Oil of choice

Step 1: If your Coconut Oil is solid, melt it slightly. Here’s how I do mine:

Take a piece of foil paper and a skillet. Line the skillet with the foil under a low flame. It will melt quickly, smoothly, and a lot less messy than the microwave.

Step 2: Mix the Baking Soda, Arrowroot Flour, and Coconut Oil together into a smooth paste. Make sure it’s nice and smooth. No lumps allowed.

Step 3: Add an essential oil of your choice for fragrance

Step 4: Store in your jar of choice in a nice cool place. If it gets too warm it will melt into a liquid. Do not store in the refrigerator or it will also melt into a liquid after it thaws. Just store it in a nice cool place. You can actually use this right away too.

Pros and Cons:

The positive about natural deodorant is that it lasts longer. After the initial shock of getting used to wearing it, you actually don’t have to use it every day and because sweat doesn’t make you smell, you won’t be musty. And while you will sweat, sweat is normal and good for you. It cools down the body, removes toxins, helps you to breathe better, improves circulation, and your metabolism accelerates.

The negative about natural deodorant, in my opinion, is that while it last longer, you will sweat and this can be the cause of an unpleasant smell and I just don’t play that. But, let me be fair: The sweat itself does not smell actually; the smell comes from the bacteria in your skin breaking down the sweat secretions released from the sweat glands. So it really depends on finding that happy medium of what works for you. While sweat itself does not smell, sweating more can make you smell even though it’s not the sweat that stinks but the bacteria that works with the sweat. Hope I didn’t confuse anyone there, but I think you so get it. 🙂

Books Every Woman Should Own

One of the things very few people know about me is that I’m a Certified Medical Assistant with a focus in Phlebotomy. I’ve also been trained by the American Heart Association for Pediatric First Aid, and Adult CPR. No one knows this because I simply don’t talk about it. I don’t offer too much information about myself unless I feel it is warranted. Plus, writing is way better.

Anyway, I can’t remember the last time I was really sick. Whether we’re talking about flu’s, colds, it’s been awhile and it’s been awhile for my husband as well. That’s because if you look around your house, there is probably a cure to almost everything you would normally run to the doctor for. In fact, there’s pretty much nothing you cannot cure with Herbs and a little bit of common sense.

Below are some books I have collected over time that I think every woman, especially every mother, should own:

Herbally Yours by Penny C. Royal:

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I call this book the “No Strings Attached” Herb book because it is literally a complete list of Herbs and Herbal combinations you could use for a variety of ailments without an agenda. With the exception of the introduction (which I opt to just skip), it is an alphabetized list of natural herbs to help with anything from High Blood Pressure to Infertility. It is also easy to follow. You can probably find it for real cheap on Amazon. My mother’s name is also Penney so it’s possible I’m just being biased :).

Home Remedies Health Handbook by John H. Renner, M.D., and the Consumer Health Information Institute:

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This book is a great compliment to Herbally Yours. If you buy Herbally Yours you have to buy this one too. That’s because while Herbally Yours gives you the list of Herbs to use, this one actually shows you how to use it! It’s got a lot of cool tips and gives you practical knowledge on how to care for over eighty common health problems. From constipation to tooth aches, the common cold and even diaper rashes, this book’s got you covered.

Natural Cures and Gentle Medicines by the editors of FC&A

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This book is great on information about diseases and common aches and pains. It has information on Alzheimer’s disease, Asthma, and even exercises to escape back pain. And get this: there’s even something in here on hiccups! That’s right, there are things you can do to stop hiccups. One exercise I do that works for me is that when I feel a Hiccup coming on I hold my breath. I know I know you’ve heard this before. But the trick to it is being able to hold your breath long enough. Hiccups occur when a ripple contracts the diaphragm, a large sheet of muscle that separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity. This spasm causes an intake of breath that is suddenly stopped by the closure of the vocal cords. This closure causes the “hiccup” sound because there is a blockage of air. That’s why while hiccups happen out the blue; most people get them (myself included) when they eat too quickly. But if you relax, breath in, and hold your breath for a few seconds it’ll help stop the hiccups. This isn’t in the book this is just what I’ve found works best for me personally. You can actually feel the food going down too if you do it right and the hiccup goes away.

Now, there’s one book I do have, but that I do not want to recommend. The only reason I have it is because we’ve had it for awhile. To each it’s own so if you feel like confusing yourself you can go ahead and Google it. Llaila O Afrika’s African Holistic Health. It has some interesting health information in it, however he mixes too much of his own doctrine in with the information. I don’t like when people take stuff too far, you have to maintain a proper balance in your life. It’s one thing to want to learn more about your health as it relates to your cultural and ethnic background, but when you start assuming that everything black is good and white is bad that crosses the line. That doesn’t even make any sense. If you’re going to give information about how unhealthy white bread is do that. But don’t just say that it’s unhealthy because it’s white. Denote the unhealthy aspects of this food to what actually makes it unhealthy. Tell me that white bread is made from refined white flour containing several unwholesome constituents; tell me that though it’s produced from the whole wheat grain it is then subjected to the refining process which removes all traces of the husk, or bran and along with it all the goodness contained in the grain. But also tell me that it is not that which goes into the body that defiles the man but what comes out and that there are still some good aspects of the white bread. This is called balance. Don’t take it too far and don’t take it too lightly. To put it mildly, the books A-Z Herbs for Diseases and explanations on what causes them is good information, but too much of the book is filled with his own philosophy and that’s a dangerous combination in the research department. There are actually right and wrong ways to research and those who are not careful can easily get themselves highly confused. For example, in section 16: Holistic Perspectives the man said:

“Kissing is a European sexual and friendship custom…African men kiss each other and African women kiss each other because kissing is a spiritual custom. Caucasian kissing between men and women is primarily sexual.”

What?

Where are you getting this information from? This is what I’m talking about. You can’t go around just making up stuff. In the end I get the feeling I’m being indoctrinated into some Afrocentric Egyptology instead of learning about health which can lead astray those not rooted in the truth and is in turn counterproductive to the purpose of picking up the book in the first place.

 

A Bone to Pick with The Feminist Movement

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The world as we see it, and as we know it, is a Feminine world. It is a place where women are first in everything. A place where strong men are constantly emasculated; any sign of strength taken and softened to fit the approval of clean faces and man bags. To qualify as a “good man” he must do everything for her, but she is not expected to give anything back. A man does not have the right to defend himself when his life is threatened if it includes women; yet, women are allowed to fight alongside men in brutal and violent wars. A woman cannot naturally produce seed without the sperm of a man, yet, she can abort a baby without him because it’s her body. No one will inquire of his opinion. No one will seek his feelings and beliefs. No one will bother to search out his heart about what he helped create because women do in fact, run the world. Lady Liberty is a Queen. She stands unmoved in the middle of the New York Harbor as the symbol of the world’s leading country, the United States of America; her head is covered with a crown and her arms are raised to shine the light of illumination on mankind. Even in marriage, when the two become one the man must propose on one knee; he must bow in submission of his queen.

Indeed, I have a bone to pick with the feminist movement…

Young man proposing to a woman.

As is my custom, I don’t like making these articles extremely long so we’ll cut to the chase here. I’m going to purposely skip past some information because contrary to popular belief, the feminist movement is not about innocently advocating for the rights of women in the context that we should be treated with love and respect. It is not simply a movement to help women to understand their worth as human beings and to understand the signs of abusive situations with men. Truly I wish it was that simple. But this is not what the feminist movement is about.

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In truth, The Feminist Movement in general has to do with authority and role reversal. Whether we are talking about a series of campaigns for reforms on issues such as reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, women’s suffrage, sexual harassment, and sexual violence, all of which fall under the label of feminism, at its core is the desire for women to be equal in authority with men. It is women who believe they are deserving of the same level of authority as a man.

The problem however, is that when man was initially created he was given a level of authority that was not given to the woman. It does not suggest she does not possess authority, it does not mean she is inferior, and it does not mean she has no place, it just means her place does not surpass that of the man’s. He, the man, was created first, and she is his helpmate. For this reason, because he was created first, it is impossible for her to lead him. Despite whether or not his masculinity has been compromised, a woman cannot be a man and a man cannot be a woman.

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The line that separates the role of men and women have been blurred, twisted, and manipulated by members of the Feminist Movement for quite some time. It is a misunderstanding of submission and authority. It is taking abusive men and saying that men cannot be heads of households because of him. It is taking the abused woman, and saying that she is the embodiment of submission. It is giving of movies, TV shows, magazines, speeches, advertisements, music etc., and creating an image of the woman’s role of submission to that of weakness, and a form of slavery. But it wasn’t until the Feminist Movement and its portrayal of certain images and definitions of words that men and women started to take on the mindset that if a woman does not have the same exact role as the man that she’s somehow inferior. While  before these images women, especially the so called Black woman, understood the power of being on one accord and establishing order within the household.

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A great misunderstanding of a woman’s role and it’s confusion with household chores also took root and became mainstream. We were taught that submissive women stayed at home, raised the children, and cooked dinner while the man worked outside the home, came home and did nothing. While there’s nothing wrong with a woman who stays at home full time to care for her family (it is a great responsibility that should not be looked down upon), as the ad suggests, it was as if a man who ruled his household like the days of old didn’t cook; it was as if he didn’t clean and had no say so in the raising of his children. As such women gravitated toward the notion of feminism because we were taught that for a woman to work outside the home it made her independent and free. The truth is however, that where a woman chooses to be of service does not define her submission. Men can cook dinner, raise the children and wash dishes and still be the head of his household. Under the same token, a woman can work outside the home and still fall under submission to her husband. It is not where she is of service, it is her attitude while of service. But, by outlining these erroneous differences, something as simple as household chores were applied to men and women’s roles. In this way, Feminist were able to craftily defend their position that if a woman is not given the same authority as a man she is being abused. Words like Obedience and Submissive got changed into images like Slavery and Fool and what woman wanted to be a fool? What woman wants to be someone’s slave? And so therefore we have women latching on to the FM under the simple understanding of equality and freedom. But what they didn’t tell us was that this freedom is to release the woman from her natural position in life as helper and counterpart to the man until she now despises this very prestigious position. She thinks she is a queen, but she has been reduced to a fool. Ironically, she has become in her disobedience the same slave she thinks being obedient to her man  makes her.

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I will soon come back to this topic when I have more time. But at the end of the day, whether we’re talking about role, duty, clothing, etc., the purpose of The Feminist Movement is to supply the woman with the same level of authority as the man. This seems innocent enough in terms of rights, but it’s deeper than that. Of course men are to respect women, but women are also to respect men. No matter how we look at this, what The Feminist Movement sets out to do is to disrupt the natural order of things.

Hair and the Nervous System

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Photo by Matheus Natan

The year 2009 was big for me. I moved away from home, went natural, and advocated for it by producing a documentary after watching Chri Rock’s Good Hair. I set out to do my own research and interview my own people to find out the root cause of all this hair talk. After all, if I was to maintain my natural hair, I had better know why.

Since the release of “I am NOT My Hair: Perms, Weaves, and Hot Combs,” I’ve done more and more research, and I have been able to speak with sisters from all over the U.S. about their hair journey and to offer the DVD as an opportunity to cause a change in their hair health.

Today’s article offers a few tips to help better understand this stuff on top of our heads called hair. As is my custom, I’ll split it into three separate posts.

– Hair and the Nervous System – 9/11/14
– Why Perms are Afraid of Water – 9/12/14
– Why Natural Hair is Dehydrated – 9/13/14

Hair and the Nervous System

I live in the country, and there are a lot of bugs around our home. Sometimes I can pick up their sounds before they get too close because it almost sounds like there are wasps in my hair! I have been natural for five years now, and on the left side of my head, the hair on that side can pick up the sounds of those tiny irritating bugs.

That’s because hair is a hereditary extension of yourself, is connected to your nervous system, and acts as antennae.

“Hair is an extension of the nervous system, it can be correctly seen as exteriorized nerves, a type of highly-evolved ‘feelers’ or ‘antennae’ that transmit vast amounts of important information to the brainstem, the limbic system, and the neocortex. When hair is cut, receiving and sending transmissions to and from the environment are greatly hampered. This results in ‘numbing-out’.”

–  http://banoosh.com/blog/2013/07/12/hair-is-an-extension-of-the-nervous-system-why-indians-keep-their-hair-long/

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Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

While it’s fun to play around with our hair and to try different styles, hair is not some miscellaneous body part of ours, which makes us think deeply about the role of the hairdresser.

Hair and hair health is just as important as other bodily functions like skin and nails. It’s not about the style of the hair making one more or less righteous (this is not a natural vs relaxed debate), but this is more so about hair health. How to treat our hair, and what combination of hair products is more or less beneficial.

Have you ever sat down to ponder why a piece of hair can identify who you are? Why do witches use strips of hair to perform witchcraft? Or why the biblical Samson lost all of his power by letting Delilah cut off all his hair? That’s because your hair is part of you and always has been.

The ancient and native peoples knew about this link between long hair, health, and spirituality. They never cut their hair voluntarily. Short hair was a universal sign of slavery, shame, defeat, and a loss of power and identity. You are not a bad person for cutting your hair or wearing a short style. This is only to demonstrate how seriously people have always looked at hair. Many would only cut their hair in the event of captivity, for mourning purposes, or hygiene. It was seen as a way of blocking out the energies of the world.