Tag: comfort

Unapologetically You

Rev. Fred Bennett, Mr. Isaac Farris, Sr., Mrs. Christine King Farris, Rev. Ralph D. Abernathy, Dr. Roy C. Bell, Mrs. Clarice Wyatt Bell, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Mrs. Coretta Scott King; Pascal’s Restaurant, Hunter St., Atlanta, GA. ~1962 — Photo via Dr. Clarice Bell on Flickr

I am no longer doing anything uncomfortable to make others comfortable.

Yesterday, I turned 36, and you would think this is a lesson I’ve learned by now.

But Paschal’s restaurant was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It upset me for a number of reasons.

But first, a little history.

I chose Paschal’s because I heard about their fried chicken and soul food. Google also informed me that the area has a fantastic civil rights history, having served as the main gathering spot for movement leaders, such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Andrew Young, Maynard Jackson, and others. It was founded in 1947 by two Black men, James and Robert Paschal.

I saw Dr. King’s and others’ images on the walls and was sold.

I didn’t look at any other spots after that. That was where I wanted to go. The prices were steep, but I didn’t care. I was told to pick out any place I wanted, and this is what I wanted.

Or so I thought.

The first red flag was the valet parking, which we paid for via cash app.

I frowned. Cash app? 

Now I’ve used cash app for many things, but a restaurant isn’t one of them.

But I didn’t want to be difficult so I said okay.

We walked in, and I felt like I was back in High School.

Call me bougie, but I was uncomfortable.

I am all for having a good time with my people, but this looked a lot different from the layout on the website.

I expected a fine dining experience with adults and a hint of black history and soul food.

And while the historical images were there, I got a room full of black people blasting Beyonce and standing around like they were at a club.

I was disappointed in what had become of the place. Although I’ve never been, I am sure it was a lot more refined when Dr. King ate here.

You can tell just by the picture above. See how they are carrying themselves? See the arrangement of the dishes? See the dignity?

The lack of decency and respect for our ancestors enough to take care of what they left us (because I am sure the Paschal’s would expect more) saddened me.

To make a long story short, we left.

It is not that I would never eat there. There is a time to kick back in that way. It is that I expect more. I expect more from my people just like I expect more from myself.

Take care of the legacy your ancestors leave behind.

Being Unapologetically Me

Thus, as my heart began to race and irritation blanked my face, I realized all the times I settled because I wanted others to be okay even if that meant I wasn’t. And I decided right then and there that I would no longer accept anything that made me uncomfortable just because I didn’t want to be “too much.”

I am too much.

My standards are high, and from this point forward, I will walk unapologetically in this truth. 

I suppose the message here is, I hope you will too.

Be unapologetically YOU.

Update: 

We returned to Paschal’s months later and had a much better experience! The music was tasteful, it wasn’t crowded, and the fried chicken was divine. (The fried green tomatoes, not so much.) The first time, I didn’t consider graduation and Memorial Day weekend. I would recommend this place for sure. There is a grown and sexy vibe with the dimmed lights, bar, and jazz. Just ensure there aren’t any events happening that day and the children are still in school when you go.

Ask and Receive. Don’t Ask and Don’t.

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”

I’ve recently stepped out to complete a goal that was awkward for me. I am embarking on a journey that required me to ask. Asking. It sounds simple enough but in truth requires humility and courage. You risk potential ridicule. You risk being made fun of. You risk assumption, presumption and all the other ‘sumptions. “What does this person really want from me?” They’ll likely ask themselves. “Do they wish to use me?” Asking is not easy and you risk feeling awkward, uncomfortable and probably the most frightening of all, you risk feeling needed. Ah, there it is, the humility. For everyone needs someone in some capacity, some day. I remember a woman once told me, she said, “No one really works for themselves.” Interesting. How so? The woman said, “The beauty salon shop owner may own the shop, but she still needs the electric company, the distribution warehouses, the janitor, the employees, and even the customers. She works for herself and yet, she is dependent on everyone around her to make sure that shop stays open.” Wow, I thought. I never thought about it like that.

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Asking will make you feel needy, awkward, and uncomfortable. However, asking also opens the door for new opportunities, new experiences, and growth. Like my husband always say, “The worst case scenario is that they’ll say no.” He’s right because no is actually not so bad. Even though they said no, you got something back in return. You got an answer. A definite answer you can work with. Ask and receive. Don’t ask and don’t.