Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict by KE Garland

Title: In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict

Author: KE Garland

Publisher: ‎ New Reads Publications

Published: September 26, 2023

Pages: 326

“I was nine years old when I figured out that if I squeezed my legs together hard enough, it would create the most electrifying pulsation, in the general area my mother, her mother, and her mother called our “killa cricket.”

-KE Garland

In Search of a Salve snatches us into the author’s world with the rawness of a Sister Souljah book. Like Winter Santiaga, KE Garland has no sugarcoated, watered-down stories to tell you.

Unlike Winter, Kathy’s story is no fairytale.

The author takes us through the series of tragic incidents that led to her preoccupation with sex, including child-on-child molestation, car accidents, and the death of her adoptive mother. Garland expertly reveals how she utilized sex as a salve for a wound she wasn’t completely aware even existed, leading her down a path of multiple sex partners and abortions.

However, don’t assume this book is about the author’s naughty antics. This memoir stands out because it doesn’t only list regrettable events and bad decisions. What’s important is the linkages between how trauma impacts the body, permeates the mind, and results in addiction.

“I didn’t cheat because I had a vanilla sex life. I cheated to escape the discomfort of trauma.”

-KE Garland

We learn how cognitive therapy helped the author to pay more attention to her thinking and the meaning of key terms like exhibitionism or the urge to show yourself to others in public. These explanations helped me better understand the author’s actions beyond the physical, such as the disconnect that exists when the mother-child bond is broken early in life, resulting in a dysregulated nervous system.

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“No oxytocin. No emotional bonding. No maternal attachment. Emotionally dysregulated….I began life, like most babies, listening for the sound of my mother’s voice and never found it, and I’d never stop longing for her.”

-KE Garland

This book prompted me to have more compassion for the lived experiences of people who struggle with addictions that society has deemed as nothing more than an immoral decision, but that is much more layered. As Garland searched for a salve, I, too, discovered insight into questions about my own trauma, belonging, and motherhood.

“I was motherless and it hurt whenever I didn’t have one to show up for me.”

-KE Garland

KE Garland courageously uses her story as a catalyst for further instruction about not only sex addiction but addiction in general.

In Search of a Salve will break your heart, pierce your soul, and then soothe you with knowledge about sex, trauma, despair, and the root of these behaviors beyond poor life decisions.

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 5/5
Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
Organization: 5/5
Thought Provoking: 5/5
Solid Conclusion: 5/5

Overall: 5/5

It’s Release Day!!

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Yecheilyah’s Book Reviews – Everyday I’m Hustling by Vivica A. Fox

Title: Everyday I’m Hustling

Author: Vivica A. Fox

Publisher: ‎ St. Martin’s Press

Published: April 3, 2018

Pages: 264

There are a few books I come back to a few times a year to savor their wisdom and life lessons. Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Tabitha Brown’s Feeding the Soul, and Vivica A. Fox’s Everyday I’m Hustling are a few.

I met Miss Fox at her 2018 book signing. I am Soul had passed the review board the same year and was approved to be in the same store. We were in the same space, our books on the shelves of Nia Damali’s (aka Mama Nia’s) Medu Bookstore at the Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta.

With Soul Food and Set It Off being two of my favorite movies, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi. What I enjoyed most is Fox personality is the same as you see in public and the same voice you read about in her book. She is down to earth, funny, and wants to know how a girl from Chicago ended up with a name like Yecheilyah.

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Everyday I’m Hustling is part memoir, part self-help, and part recipe book. It is filled with life experiences of Fox’s upbringing in Indiana, her acting career, strategies and business advice, and some tea on her relationship with Curtis “50 Cent,” Jackson.

Reading this book feels like sitting down with your Aunt and listening to her tell you life stories while giving advice. “Success does not guarantee the absence of getting your ass kicked,” she says while stirring a pot of Sug’s Crock-Pot Black-Eyed Peas. In true elder fashion, she deviates from the story to give cooking lessons.

You’ll roll your eyes in your head, wanting her to come back to the story. Her recipe pauses are your least favorite part, but then she’ll start talking about bonding with Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Kimberly Elise off-camera during the Set It Off filming and bring you back. You’ll learn fun tidbits, such as how the line “You didn’t even bother to ask me if I was thirsty, sister,” was an adlib Fox asked to be in the film. She says she wanted there to be at least one sister-to-sister moment.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Don’t let anybody dim the shine of your accomplishments. If they’re not paying your bills, why in the hell would they validate your worth?”

“Don’t overpay to play.”

“You can’t get typecast in life. There is a shelf life for certain chapters in your life. If you learn how to go into each chapter gracefully, then you can extend the longevity of your career.”

“Don’t point out the slips that only you know you made.”

I love this one! It reminds me of what Mr. Tolson (Denzel Washington) said in the movie The Great Debaters (another one of my favorites) when one of his students talked badly about himself. “Would you punch yourself in a street fight” The boy frowns, “No.” Then don’t punch yourself in a word fight,” says Denzel.

You don’t have to constantly bring up your flaws to be seen as valuable. You were born worthy. Stop pointing out slips (flaws) no one knows exist but you.

“I always tell people to educate themselves with real experience.”

“When you are working with someone, you are cobranding, so you have to look at the visibility of that brand.”

This is a good gem since collaboration is a popular word today. It is not wise to collaborate with just anyone. There must be something in it for you too. Does the person or company share your mission, purpose, and goal? Do they have the visibility and connections to help you like you are helping them? It’s a lot of people who just want to look important, but when you investigate further you see they can’t really do anything for you.

“Pitch your niche. It’s not bragging, it’s establishing your credibility.”

Ratings:

Strong Introduction: 4/5
Authenticity / Believable: 5/5
Organization: 4/5
Thought Provoking: 5/5
Solid Conclusion: 4/5

Overall: 4/5

Grab Your Copy of Everyday I’m Hustling Today

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All books reviewed from this point forward are books I’ve read on my own time or books registered before the deadline!

Stay tuned for our next dope read!

*Books are read in the order they are received.

Movie Night Friday: Antwone Fisher

Guess whoose bizzaack! That’s right, Movie Night Friday! I’ve been thinking it over for awhile and I think this will be a fun re-edition to this blog. For a little PBS Blog History, a year ago I started Movie Night Friday. I did this because I wanted you all to get to know me better through the movies I watch. One thing I am always seeking to do is build better relationships with my readers. I also wanted to show that this blog is about more than writing, but provides a variety of subject matter. However, Movie Night Friday did not do very well and in an attempt to ensure growth, I moved it to its own page. In this way, anyone who is interested can go back and take a look-see. If you’d like to check out some of my favorite movies, Click Here.

I have decided to revamp MNF and to try and keep it going. To celebrate, I am introducing a new badge:

Isn’t he cute!? I love doggies and (aside from waiting until we move back into the country so I can get one!), I thought this would be an excellent re-boost to this feature. This little guy will be joining us every Friday and he is so ready to watch movies. That said, let’s get on into it, shall we?

In addition to the movies I’ve already talked about, another movie I really enjoy is Antwone Fisher. Being from the south side of Chicago and growing up in Robert Taylor I am no stranger to struggle, both economically and psychologically. I know how it feels to feel abandoned and in a desperate need to find oneself. I can even relate to him being in a foster home. So this movie really pulls at my heart strings. It has all of the elements that I think makes for a good film, emotional intensity, action, drama, and of course, a little romance. Antwone Fisher is also a true story which makes it even better. It’s not just a fictional tale but factual accounts of what really happened to someone. Here’s a snippet of what the movie is about:

“The touching story of a sailor (Derek Luke) who, prone to violent outbursts, is sent to a naval psychiatrist (Denzel Washington) for help. Refusing at first to open up, the young man eventually breaks down and reveals a horrific childhood. Through the guidance of his new doctor, he confronts his painful past and begins a quest to find the family he never knew.”

Yea that’s right, Denzel is in this one so you already know its on point. Antwone Fisher, the man, is also….wait for it…a poet. Among other things. I am proud to say that I have a collection of his poetry on my shelf, “Who Will Cry For The Little Boy?” (Don’t ask me why it looks like that! I’ve had it awhile obviously and yes, before the movie lol…< He recites his poem by this name in the movie). He also has a memoir entitled: Finding Fish, which I do believe started it all, and his most recent work (2010) “A Boy Should Know How to Tie a Tie”. Below is a snippet from Wikipedia on the man behind the movie:

“Fisher was born in prison to a single mother. His father Eddie Elkins had been shot dead by a jealous girlfriend two months earlier. Antwone was placed in a foster home weeks after he was born and remained in foster care through most of his childhood. After living with a foster mother for two years, Fisher was taken away from her. He was then planed into another foster home with a family named the Picketts. He spent 14 years of his childhood with the Picketts and was abused physically, verbally, and sexually. He was then moved from the Pickett home after having a fight with hi foster mother. Antwone was sent to George Junior Republic School, a discipline school for boys, from which he graduated prior to joining the United States Navy.

After three years with the Bureau of Prisons, he began to work as a security guard for Sony Pictures. It was there Fisher decided to find his true family members. He contacted Annette Elkins, who turned out to be his aunt. Within months of this contact, Fisher met all of his family, including his mother Eva Mae. He learned that she had given birth to four other children who were taken away as wards of the state. Fisher said after their meeting, “In the place inside me where hurt of abandonment had been, now only compassion lived.”

Most of this is portrayed in the movie (except the mention of his brothers and sisters) and the director did a great job, who is by the way, Denzel Washington. Luke is also a very good actor and very handsome. Denzel better watch out now, the ladies love Luke. LOL. Below is the Trailer to the movie and as always, thank you for stopping by!

Movie Trailer:

Did you see this movie? What do you like about it? Don’t be shy, comment below!

Movie Night Friday – Malcolm X

Welcome back to another week of Movie Night Friday, where I present some of my favorite movies and why I love them. Next up on our list is Malcolm X:

I still don’t understand why Denzel Washington could win an Oscar for Training Day and not Malcolm X, it is in my opinion one of his best roles (Washington did win the New York Film Critics Circle Award for Best Actor and was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor). Directed and co-written by Spike Lee, Malcolm X released in November of ’92 and is based on the life of Malcolm X from his Biography. It was a time where, after the crack epidemic of the 80’s, Black people had begun to pick up some inkling of consciousness. You’ll notice many movies in the early 90s where blacks wore Kufi’s, and Dashiki’s as an indication of awareness (even though not completely, there is always stepping stones that take place in our lives that start us on the right path). Needless to say Malcolm X was a hit.

The movie takes us through the life of Malcolm Little, his early life as a gangster and as a criminal and his transformation as the controversial Islamic, Black Nationalist leader Malcolm X. For the record, I am not a Muslim, but I love how Denzel showed Malcolm’s passion and anyone with access to YouTube can verify this in the eyes of the real Malcolm. It’s one thing to make a speech or stand for something, but it’s a completely different thing when you are sincere about it, when you have passion that comes from the depths of your very heart and Malcolm had this. He had this and it lit a fire under those who wished to be apart of change for the so called Black people. And because of the traumatic experiences of America, we more than our brothers and sisters in any other country worldwide, need the kind of discipline that Malcolm brought forward; a tough love if you will. I also love the outreach programs catered to the community and the re-instilling of a love of self; the teaching of black people to embrace, as Malcolm put it, “their beautiful black selves”. Of course today I have a different perspective on the whole black thing (as I do not believe our nationality is defined by a color, that we are from the lost tribe of shabbaz or that white people are devils, for the record), but this movie was a great first step for many young people, such as myself, to dig deeper into the question of nationhood. The movie even portrayed Malcolm’s awareness that the Hebrews, was (are) Black Skinned:

Yea Yea, ignore the title of the video because this isn’t about religion and it’s deeper than color, but the point is that scenes such as this is a great introduction to full understanding for someone who otherwise does not know.

Moving on…

Additionally, I loved the way Malcolm explained things because not everyone can do that. Yes, you say that you believe in something but what is that belief based on? And what do you mean? Malcolm spoke to understanding, he was precise, knowledgeable, and aware on a level that made your head spin. Just watching this movie alone makes me excited and compelled to do something. But of all this, the most important part of the movie, in which it was careful not to go into much detail, was the end, Malcolm’s split from the NOI (Nation of Islam)

You see, I cannot judge neither Malcolm X or Martin Luther King Dr., for what they were for the first part of their lives. For me, what’s important is how they ended their lives. Malcolm X left this world with a different outlook on life and I do believe he understood the truth completely. He discovered the lies and attempted to expose the truth when he was murdered, as did Dr. King (whose entire jaw was blown off as symbolism that you keep your mouth shut). You see, men of this caliber, who spark this much power among black people, they aren’t just killed by random acts of violence, they are murdered and this is not political mumbo jumbo nor is it conspiracy theory; this is conspiracy fact.

In 2010, Malcolm X the film, was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant”.

Trailer:

Funny Movie Mistakes:

When Malcolm is talking on the telephone in an extreme close up, you can see the connector on the phone is one of the modern snap-in modular jacks. Telephones in the 1960’s did not have those.

Watch the movie and see if you can spot the knot!

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