“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.” ― Paul Simon
Author: Yecheilyah
Writing to restore Black historical truth through fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.
I’m Sorry
death
it’s sting
produces a humility powerful enough
to find itself a home
even inside the heart of the one
who holds the cup of “I’m sorry’s”
hoping their voice is sad enough
to produce the kind of sympathy
that peels back the brick
that found itself a place
inside the gut of the bereaved
the lump
waiting inside their throats
is this “I’m Sorry” strong enough?
“I’m sorry”
makes me feel guilty
because I know that it is not enough,
in fact
it almost sounds cliché
how can this routine “I’m sorry”
ever guarantee the sincere apology I feel
for the woman
who lost her husband in the hands of doctors
with spines like jellyfish,
the inconsiderate “I’m sorry”
floating out the window of the hospital,
where his breath left it’s good bye on the table
without warning
didn’t want to wake her sleeping gorgeous
so he left in the middle of the night
just to see her smile one last time
for he knew that she would smile
in her dreams
Or the man
who lost his brother with the split of atoms
like storms breaking through to the clouds
like a mother’s arms spread wide enough
to capture his smiles in a bowl
but aint no rainbows today
cause grief
it convinces us that the world
has ceased existing
and molds its rotations to the contours of our hearts
“Why are you sorry?!”
screams the confused silence of my bones
or the unflinching expression of a man’s face
after a life-time of catastrophes
tainted love
chocking dreams
and memories like the scenic route to civil wars
& he wears it all
with a walk like a stone cold killer
and a face fit for poker
but his heart is pale with grief
I know
cause I heard it in his smile
he laughs
but only because his body weeps
too weak internally
to die physically too
so when he grieves
and when she grieves
when their pain is too deep
to find alongside the outline of their faces
too far to find within the pages of their past
but close enough to smell in the sorrow of their loss
in these bags
filled to the brim with all their stuff
what do you say
when the air isn’t pure enough to breathe
and a routine, “I’m sorry” is simply not enough
to convince them
that the world
still spins
Commonly Asked Questions about Twins
Yea, you guessed it, I’m a twin. The following questions have followed me around my whole life, and on behalf of twins everywhere, I present the following commonly, sometimes annoyingly, asked questions:
“Yall twins?”
We are obviously twins. But I must say I’m guilty of this myself. Though being a twin, when I see other twins I ask the same questions other people ask me. Hmmm, wonder if that breaks some kind of twin rule.
“Who the oldest?”
Is this a trick question? But since you asked, I came out first.
“By how many minutes?”
Five whole minutes and I’m the big sister, yay me
“Yall fraternal or identical?”
This is a good question actually. A lot of people get confused between the two. Identical twins look well, identical, but this doesn’t determine whether or not they’re identical. A general stereotype about identical twins is that they are clones. They act alike, look alike, and are expected to be “identical.” However, the term identical twins actually describe how we form in the womb, not what we look like. Also known as monozygotic, identical twins are twins who developed from one egg that splits and forms two embryos. Fraternal, or dizygotic, twins develop from two eggs, each fertilized by separate sperm cells. (This is why fraternal twins sometimes look nothing alike) Dizygotic twins share about 50% of their genetic traits, the same as any other siblings born at different times. With that said, my sister and I are identical twins.
“Who’s the mean one?”
You know, being a twin doesn’t mean that we share personalities. In some ways we do, but we’re not half of one thing and another half of another thing. There’s not one who’s wholly mean and another who’s wholly nice. We both still have our own individual character traits.
“If I hit you, will she feel it?”
I don’t know, if I hit you, will you feel it?
Some interesting facts about identical twins:
• The causes of monozygotic twinning are generally unknown and unidentified. No one really knows why an egg splits; according to the “professionals” it’s a malfunction of the normal development process. I beg to differ, there is nothing abnormal about us. We’re awesome. 🙂
• There’s no hereditary trait that influences a predisposition to having identical twins. Contrary to popular belief identical twins do not run in families, although there are families with a high incidence of identical twins.
• Identical twins represent about a third of all twins. fraternal twins are twice as common as identical.
• Birth rate statistics for identical twinning have remained stable over the years, despite the overall increase in twins and multiples since the late 1980’s. The odds of having identical twins are about 3 in 1,000, whereas the birthrate for all twins is about 32.2 in 1,000.
• Identical twinning is not generally influenced by fertility-enhancing treatments like drugs or in vitro, although identical twins have been produced in pregnancies that were the result of such treatments.
• Birth rates for identical twins are consistent across populations; it is the same regardless of race, geography or mate
“What’s the most fun thing about being a twin?”
People are fascinated by us.
Gratitude
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. “ – Melody Beattie
Comfortable on the Floor
Are you comfortable on the floor? Or have you forgotten that we create the doors that we walk through?
Say Stuff That Make Sense
We often look for depth when there is none. Everyone has something profound to say. Sometimes what we have to show to the world is indeed profound. Not really because it is insightful, but because it introduces our minds to something we had no prior thought of. It introduces us to something so far beyond our understanding that we can only think of one word: “Wow”. Or it connects to us in some way, it reaches us. You will often notice that when people say that something is deep, it is not always because they understand it, but sometimes it is because they do not. It is so far beyond their comprehension that it is too deep to understand at the moment. The problem is that sometimes, despite how deep it is, it still doesn’t make any sense. That is, there is no truth to it. Sometimes you just need to say stuff that will make sense to people when they hear it or read it (and if you are the reader make sure your not just agreeing with something because it sounds nice, make sure it also makes sense. A lot of people have been led astray by things that are just not truth but it sounds good). Mankind is a logical thinking creation. He processes information and understands things when they make sense to him, and often when he can relate to it. It is for this reason that we are more likely to tune into people’s experiences and those things most intimate to them because it just makes sense. While one thing can make sense to one person and not to the other, it is still not wise to create profundity where there is none. Don’t reach since doing so only makes you look foolish. Just let the words flow naturally, paint the picture people want to see, and be sure to make sense of it all. Connect with them.
Cold Hearts and Secret Sorrows
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
What an interesting quote. It’s kind of sad just reading it. I know that many of us can remember people who were so cruel either in our lives or the lives of others and yet the truth may just be that they’ve buried the light so deeply within themselves that it is hard to find again; and that in cruelty, they are only miserable. Even within our own lives, those of us willing to be honest about it, we may be able to find instances where we were being mean but it was only because we were also being sad. After all, there is the saying that misery does love company. Good thing I’m not on the guest list though. Sorry, but if your around me there’s a requirement that you smile. I actually love to laugh. 🙂
The PBS Blog 