I was watching Love Is Blind. The show is pure comedy for me. I really do feel sorry for anyone who takes it seriously. It seems they intentionally cast such young people whose common sense ain’t kicked in all the way yet.
Cause love is not blind. Not even a little bit.
One of the men, Edmond, who is 29, mentioned how distant one of the women was from her man. He told his fiancé, KB (also 29), he didn’t think the woman was as close to her man, being she was distant at the pool party.
“It couldn’t have been she was on her period?” KB asked.
“Oh,” said Edmond as if someone had pulled on the chain to a lamp and the light just came on, “She was on her period?”
“Yes,” said KB. “Just started today.”
He looked surprised, as if KB had just given him the secrets to the universe. I chuckled a bit. Yea. Women get those sometimes.
Then, I had a thought.
Women go through so much that men never have to think about.
When I am planning a vacation, for example, I make sure it’s not the week of my cycle. And when I am on my menstrual cycle, I try to do as little work as possible.
Fortunately for me, I don’t work a 9-5. I work from home and create my own schedule. I am blessed to lie in bed all day if I am cramping, but not all women have this freedom.
Comedian KevOnStage joked about this recently, saying, “Women really be going through everyday life sometimes bleeding profusely. Can you imagine everyday tasks, but blood in addition to everyday life? Like, I’m stuck in traffic, and she’s stuck in traffic, but she’s bleeding profusely. Can you imagine having to come to a parent-teacher conference bleeding profusely?”
He overused the word “profusely,” but the core of the message is true. A woman can literally be working her job, picking up her children from school, grocery shopping, or stopping by the bank while bleeding profusely, and no one would ever know.
This post ain’t about periods, though.
This is about all the things women go through that rarely get considered, whether that’s menstrual cycles, pregnancy, labor, and birth, mothering, wifeing, battling oppressive systems, and any other struggle women endure that men do not always have to.
October is PAIL Month
Speaking of which, October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and it recognizes women who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, ectopic pregnancy, abortion or termination for medical reasons, and the death of a newborn.
This month, you can do your part by educating yourself on PAIL, sharing on social media, supporting the women in your life who have experienced pregnancy loss, joining local remembrance events like walks or vigils (remembrance day is 10/15), donating to relevant organizations, or simply wearing pink and blue to show solidarity.
And the next time a woman is being distant or mean or feeling some kind of way, consider what she might be battling just to get through the day, and give her a little grace.
Over on Substack, we are highlighting Mary Francis Hill Coley, the Black midwife who delivered over 3,000 babies. You can read it here.
The PBS Blog 
“Women go through so much that men never have to think about.
When I am planning a vacation, for example, I make sure it’s not the week of my cycle. And when I am on my menstrual cycle, I try to do as little work as possible.”
Yeah, I can’t even do that anymore. Thanks to perimenopause, Flo just shows up whenever she wants to–no rhyme or reason to her arrivals. LOL. I just be over here like, “Oh, you’re here? Now what?!” LOL!
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Lol. I can relate. Before my ectopic surgery, my cycles were irregular. I couldn’t predict it. After the surgery they come like clock work. I now understand women who can set their calendars to it. I feel like a new woman. 😂
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Yeah, back in the day?! That’s how mine was–clockwork. I knew exactly when it was coming–every 28 days. I had it down to a science? Now, puhhhhlease. It’s skipped a whole 2 months before, and I was like, “Come on and skip an entire year and let’s get this menopause thing going,” but it surprised me. *Sighs* LOL!
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I read a meme that said periods should really just be 45mins. Release the egg and get out my face. 🤣
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THAT PART! Cuz what am I gon’ do with it anyway?! I ain’t having no children. Ugh!
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😂🤣
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Thanks for the reminder about PAIL month. So much of women’s suffering is tucked neatly under the rug. Seeing and acknowledging is important.
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Indeed.
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I think sometimes this conversation leans too much into “men just don’t get it.” Plenty of men deal with their own invisible struggles too — mental health, work pressure, expectations — they’re just not always vocal about it. Understanding should go both ways, not just one.
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I get it. And so as not to create assumptions, let me add some clarity:
As someone who has been married to an amazing Black man for 15 years, I understand deeply that men go through a lot.
However, I am not a man and I will not try to speak about men. I am a woman speaking about women.
That said, highlighting how one group deserves support shouldn’t be taken as a neglect toward another. This isn’t a competition of who struggles more.
Men go through a lot, yes. And men should talk about it.
As for me, I’m going to stay in my lane and talk about what I know intimately: the struggles of women.
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