- You can no longer blame the childish things you do on your youth. You think of ways to be as immature as possible before leaving the 20s club.
- You’ll get fat. You’ll definitely get fat. You picture yourself grossly overweight with eight kids. You work out as much as possible before your birthday.
- Kids will call you old. You try to say something hip to sound cool. You forget hip went out ages ago. You just said hip and ages in the same sentence. Your nieces roll their eyes. Your nephews shake their heads. You walk off in shame.
- You wear a smirk at the possibility of catching up with your husband’s age. You’ll both be in the 30s now. You think you’re winning. You forget he’s nine years and four months older than you are and is on his way to the 40s club.
- Speaking of 40, birthdays will never be the same again. You’ll have to wait ten years before getting the spark back. I mean, 31? No one is ever excited about 31. You consider ways to slow down time.
- You fear you won’t actually sound 30 when it gets here. You realize you don’t know how 30 sounds. You consider asking your husband. You forget about the immature thing. You wonder what’s mature and what’s not. You overthink it.
- You hide 20s memorabilia. You’re afraid you’ll miss it. You re-watch chick flicks and cartoons as much as possible before your birthday.