12 Life Lessons I Learned in 2017

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  • Growth is painful, uncomfortable, and frustrating. It reveals the raw and aching part of us and demands our masks to fall so that we may accept who we truly are and what truly is. This is unpleasant and frightening but necessary because, without this kind of mental and physical suffering, we cannot grow.

 

  • Deceit lies, and lack of proper communication can destroy any relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, how many secrets you’ve shared, how many deep conversations you’ve engaged in or how many tears you’ve shed, deception is a rotten fruit that contaminates weak foundations. No matter how embarrassing or silly, be upfront with the people you say that you love.

 

  • There is, sadly, a thing as being too nice. Energy is precious and we cannot risk being vulnerable to the first smile or positive comment that is thrown in our direction. Not in this world. While we can be positive examples, we must also accept that for some people it’s too late. They have been too far corrupted and will only trample our kindness and gossip about our weaknesses. Like the saying says, “Not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.” Discernment is key.

 

  • Let go of people who have let go of you. Do this without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or like you’ve done something wrong. Let go courageously. Without the need to explain yourself or to apologize for being misunderstood. People who have lied and betrayed you and left you out to rot will always make it seem that you are the person who is possessed and that you are the one who has done wrong. These are lies. In the words of Najwa Zebian, “shame lies on the person who takes advantage of a good heart.”

 

  • Laugh often and cry when necessary. Scream if you have to. Do not be ashamed. This is healing. Let the tears cleanse you.

 

  • It’s OK to be hurt, we’ve all been at some point, but don’t play the victim. Self-victimization paralyzes so that we have an excuse not to take responsibility for the lives that we live. We are always looking back on childhood, on past relationships and on failed circumstances as a crutch for why we are not the people we know that we should be. In the words of Pierre Jeanty, “When are you going to stop complaining about who you are now, because of who they were to you? You speak as an activist, yet live as a slave without a voice.” The past is our lesson. It is not our cage.

 

  • Do not work so hard to prove your sincerity. It will only come across as fake. There will always be people who do not accept you and to them, it does not matter how hard you try, you will never be enough. Forcing these people to understand you will do more harm than good. Don’t overdo it. Just be you.

 

  • Stop misinterpreting silence for whatever your imagination has made up. You don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives, why they have chosen not to respond or what circumstance held them up. Sometimes silence means people aren’t interested and that they don’t care but not all the time (though our doubt would have us to believe so.) Other times, silence means they don’t know how to respond or have not gotten around to it yet. Stop stressing over made-up mental scenarios.

 

  • Do not force locked doors to open. Sometimes it is just not the right time. If you break the door down, it will never be the same again. Remember the butterfly: If you force it out of its cocoon, it will never fly. It is not that this isn’t your door, it’s just not your time.

 

  • Do your own research and try things out for yourself. Experiment so that you know intimately what works and what does not work. Take risks and see what is legit and what is fabricated for yourself. Do this and you will not bend to every new opinion that surfaces.

 

  • Follow your own advice and show yourself the same love you so desperately seek from others. Give it to yourself first and then pour into the cups of those whose hearts are worthy. You are special so not everyone can receive what you have to give. Your love is not a game. Your love is a gift. Give it that distinction.

 

  • Never sacrifice your personal integrity for the sake of being “liked”. Don’t let people censor and edit your voice. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Walk away. Turn down whatever does not feel and taste and smell, like you.

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Yecheilyah

Writing to restore Black historical truth through fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.

39 thoughts on “12 Life Lessons I Learned in 2017”

  8. Love this! I’ve definitely learn similar lessons this year myself, especially the destructiveness of self-pity.
    “You cannot control how other people behave, but you can control how you react to their behavior.” – I need to apply this in 2018.

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  11. Pingback: Inspirational Blogshare

  17. Reblogged this on BOOK CHAT and commented:
    As we start the new year I want to share with you the wise lessons of 2017 as told by Yecheilyah Ysrayl on her fabulous blog. Though all are important, the last one stands out above the rest.

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. What an inspiring and inspirational post! The negative is that you had to experience all these feelings, moments and insights to turn them into wise words. The positive: you learned from all of them and became a more complete, wise and happy person. Thanks for sharing!

    Many of these thoughts and tips are very familiar to me. It is a tough balance between not spending too much energy on negative thoughts and people that don’t mean well just because you want everyone to like you or because you hate being confrontational, and putting yourself in the first place without being selfish. I’d like to save my energy for kind people, family and good friends, but sometimes it is impossible to not let others drain you!

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